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k8nakis

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2007
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Desperate
Posted: 11-20-07 22:43pm

my dad died 5 years ago during thanksgiving break of my freshman year of college. ever since then i feel like my life has been slowly falling downhill. my relationship with my mom and brother is way too complicated to even attempt to explain, but for all intensive purposes i will say that it is very strained. i was always the person in my life that believed that someday things would get better but they only seem to be getting worse. i try so hard to be this center of gravity and calm in my family, someone that can hold everything together and be some sort of stabilizer. no matter what i do, my life isn't changing for the better. i feel really lost and unbearably alone. i have a handful of close friends that are really wonderful in their own way but i don't feel like i can talk to them completely about the way i'm feeling. i hate making people feel sympathetic for me. it's not that i'm too big of a person for it, i just don't want to be in that situation. it's like my life is crumbling around me and there's nothing i can do about it, no matter what i do or what i tell myself. i want to be positive but i can't shake the feeling that i'm being punished. i'm trying so hard not to feel this way but there's nothing i can do to stop it. i don't know what to do... or where to turn.
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marvel

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Joined: 09 Sep 2007
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Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
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Posted: 11-21-07 00:17am

Thanks for your story, k8nakis.

Don't try to be the stabilizer... especially when you're feeling the way you do. I tried for so long to be the stabilizer in my family after I had some terrible things happen, and it only led to my own heartache. It's too much pressure and can add to an already hard situation. Let things happen as they will.. the best and healthiest thing you can do for yourself is learn to adapt and react to the situations you are presented with in life... especially this one.

I just have a question...
What do you think you're being punished for?
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CarolDiane

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Joined: 23 Sep 2007
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Posted: 11-29-07 21:43pm

The only one that can make you life better and livable is you. I think you need to try and put the past behind you and as for your mom and brother, they are probably taking your dad's death as bad as you are. They too need to come to closure. I it not easy loosing a parent or a spouse. That gap can never be replaced. But, you can make your life a better one. I agree with every marvel sais. Move on with your life. I'm sure your dad would not want it this way.
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