Me and my boyfriend have been together for 13mnths. I had suggested once what he would think if we moved in together. Mind you I had said this jokingly but he took it seriously. He said he didn't wanna leave his family stranded. A few months later I had to move cause of roomie problems so when I got my apartment I noticed he stayed there everyday for a week, and then it got longer and longer,
We went to his house to pik up a suitcase. I guess he spoke to his folks about him moving but he didn't mention anything to me.lol so we.ve been living together for 6 months now. He jus recently made a career change and is working again. But when we first moved in he wasn't financially stable so me being sweet didn't ask him to help wit the rent. He did help me with groceries, laundry etc when he had extra to spare.
But what's stressing me out now is that I do all the work around the house, cook, clean, take out the trash, laundry etc and I don't even get a thank you for it. When he comes home and the house is looking awesome he won't even say I did a good job or anything. And it bums me out cause ontop of that I still have to pay all the rent, plus I'm struggling to pay the deposit and I'm paying my own bills too.dang! Ontop of that whenever I see something at the store I know he.ll like I buy it for him, little gifts etc, I don't even get flowers :'(
My question is, since I know he.s jus starting a new job and hasn't even gotten his first paychek yet, when would be a good time to ask him if he could help wit the rent? Maybe 3 months jus to let him establish himself? I need all the advice I can get! Please help
Ask him now. You need to know where you stand. You guys should come to an aggrement as to how you will handle your bills toegther. I repeat bills together. He needs to help you out. I know how it is cause my hubby has been out of work for 3 months because of an injury. I am carrying all the wieght but he gives me his checks and lets me spread the money out. But before that we did everthing 50/50 since the day I moved in with him. A relationship should be equal.
JUst have a talk with him, you have everyright too.....And there is no exuse for him not stepping up to the plate. Except that he likes you taking care of everything. he has gotten comfortable with not having to do anything. If he hasnt taken the iniciative himself he probably never will. he just needs a nudge from you to snap out of it.
It isnt fair for you to have to take care of you and him.....Unless you are happy with that of course.....
When my boyfriend brought up moving in with me this summer the first thing I asked was would you be willing to pay rent. I figured it would push the whole getting a new job thing along since he'd have to move to a new town. He seemed to think doing chores would be the equivalent, but I'm an organized slob so I'm not too impressed with that XD
I agree with Rosie, 50/50. Just bring it up, if he's got a job then I don't see why he would have a problem. If things have been stressful and hard for you lately then of course you should tell him your concerns! Money, chores, everything... If you're going to live together then these things have to come up, and its better sooner than later.
Yes I agree. I have learned that the way you say things changes everything....
When you talk to him try to talk to him as a friend and try not to yell. I know you are frustrated in all but try to remain calm. Talk to him in a soft tone and talk to him like you understand him. Tell him exactly how this makes you feel and after you have all your peace said, then ask him what he is going to do about it.
I know its hard because you love him and I know you dont want to cause problems, but I think if you talk to him like this he will hear you.
This is what I did with my hubby when we have these conversations.
He needs to quit mooching off you and pay SOMETHING. A portion of the rent, a portion of the electric bill, a portion of the water bill... anything he uses.
That is not fair to you.
Hell, I want to live for free, can I move in too?
You don't necessarily have to make him pay half, just figure out what he is taking home financially and divide the bills up accordingly.
He tries when he can. Since he.s got a car, insurance, child support, he's goin thru a court thing rite now, and his personal bills what he used to make was not enuf. But he made an effort to find a better job so that speaks good of him. I jus hope that his new job pays him enuf to pay his stuff and start helping me out too. Thanx guys!
I also have a bf thats been living with me for 16 years. Total of 5 children, 2 that belong to him. Whether he's working or not, I have a difficult time getting money from him. Always an excuse, we almost got evicted recently. I get stomach sick everytime its time to either pay the rent of pay a bill because i know there's going to be some sort of argument. I only think it's fair to split everything down the middle but he wants the older kids to start contributing so it makes his load lighter. Any suggestions?