Mental Conditions Forum - Whats Wrong With Me?

so heres my story, i've smoked weed 2ice before, once i had an extremely good trip that lasted about 4 hours, i just remember feeling so good and out of my mind, the second i had a terrible trip that only lasted an hour. i stopped smoking for about 5 months. one day i go to a friends house and he has chronic, for some reason i get really tempted and ask him if i can smoke out, and he says yea, so i blaze and next thing i know i'm scared out of my mind and i go running off to a place that seems comfortable, i get there but it doesn't help, i remember praying for it to end and eventually after about 4 hours it does. the next day i wake up feeling weird the whole day, kind of out of it. the day after that i wake up feeling scared for an hour, then it goes away. nighttime comes and i go to a party where i drink about 4 beers, a rockstar, and i take like 5 hits of chronic (its my friends weed, its not laced). i feel really good and messed up, i go home go to sleep. i wake up and i still feel really messed up, the hours go by and i still feel messed up, i start getting scared, its nighttime and it barely starts coming down, or so i think. i wake up the next morning feeling scared and out of it. the whole day it feels like if i'm coming up and down from this horrible bad trip, and the rightside of my brain feels like if its on fire, i can't think all i can feel is fear, and the feeling of being really uncomfortable. all i do is cry and crawl up into a little ball and shake, i would have sworn it felt like if i was on that bad trip, feeling really out of it and everything looking distorted. this goes on for about 2 months, 2 doing it months, and finally i don't feel as scared as i used to, slowly slowly i feel a little better, week by week. its been 6 months, and i don't feel so scared anymore, but i still feel a little out of it, and the right side of my brain still feels numb every once and a while, if someone told me this would go away in a year i'd believe it. and thats what i'm hoping for. as for the doctors, medical question the doctors, i asked for their help but they don't wanna waste their time and money on me, i went to a psychiatrist and he didn't know what to tell me, except that he was gonna give me medication to see how i feel, he didn't tell me what it was for or what, he just told me to take it, so i do, and i didn't feel any better, but he insisted i increase the dose this time, so i said no thanks and never saw that lunatic again. he gave me risperdal, without diagnosing me or anything talk about malpractice. anyway, i pray to god all of this goes away by next year, its truly hell. if it doesn't, i don't doubt i'll end up killing myself. if you can help me please do. oh i'm 17 years old by the way