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Whats Wrong With Me?

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so heres my story, i've smoked weed 2ice before, once i had an extremely good trip that lasted about 4 hours, i just remember feeling so good and out of my mind, the second i had a terrible trip that only lasted an hour. i stopped smoking for about 5 months. one day i go to a friends house and he has chronic, for some reason i get really tempted and ask him if i can smoke out, and he says yea, so i blaze and next thing i know i'm scared out of my mind and i go running off to a place that seems comfortable, i get there but it doesn't help, i remember praying for it to end and eventually after about 4 hours it does. the next day i wake up feeling weird the whole day, kind of out of it. the day after that i wake up feeling scared for an hour, then it goes away. nighttime comes and i go to a party where i drink about 4 beers, a rockstar, and i take like 5 hits of chronic (its my friends weed, its not laced). i feel really good and !**@! up, i go home go to sleep. i wake up and i still feel really !**@! up, the hours go by and i still feel !**@! up, i start getting scared, its nighttime and it barely starts coming down, or so i think. i wake up the next morning feeling scared and out of it. the whole day it feels like if i'm coming up and down from this horrible bad trip, and the rightside of my brain feels like if its on fire, i can't think all i can feel is fear, and the feeling of being really uncomfortable. all i do is cry and crawl up into a little ball and shake, i would have sworn it felt like if i was on that bad trip, feeling really out of it and everything looking distorted. this goes on for about 2 months, 2 !**@! months, and finally i don't feel as scared as i used to, slowly slowly i feel a little better, week by week. its been 6 months, and i don't feel so scared anymore, but i still feel a little out of it, and the right side of my brain still feels numb every once and a while, if someone told me this would go away in a year i'd believe it. and thats what i'm hoping for. as for the doctors, !**@! the doctors, i asked for their help but they don't wanna waste their time and money on me, i went to a psychiatrist and he didn't know what to tell me, except that he was gonna give me medication to see how i feel, he didn't tell me what it was for or what, he just told me to take it, so i do, and i didn't feel any better, but he insisted i increase the dose this time, so i said no thanks and never saw that lunatic again. he gave me risperdal, without diagnosing me or anything talk about malpractice. anyway, i pray to god all of this goes away by next year, its truly hell. if it doesn't, i don't doubt i'll end up killing myself. if you can help me please do. oh i'm 17 years old by the way
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replied November 21st, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Do you have the feeling that these symptoms are the result primarily of the cannabis?
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replied November 21st, 2007
Supporter
Maybe that first time the marijuana was laced with something. That's what it sounds like to me anyway.
It could have been laced with LSD. That would explain the bad trip. LSD can have a long-term effect on the brain as well.
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Users who thank Marianne0558 for this post: SAB14N 

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replied November 25th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Or sometimes people who are prone to anxiety/panic have bad experiences with any drug, they trigger panic. I'd suggest seeing a different psychiatrist!! The one you saw didn't sound helpful or nice at all.
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replied January 30th, 2009
everythings going to be ok
hi im 21 and i started smoking weed when i was about 16. i wasnt a particularly heavy smoker but i did it once or twice a wek for a couple of years. it messed my life up. i dropped out of college because i just didnt have the motivation or the 'get up and go' that i should of done. i couldnt hold a job down for more than 3 months at a time simply because i coldnt be bothered to get out of bed. i pushed all my closest friends away because i just wasnt the same person anymore. before i was confident and lived life to the full not caring what people thought of me and i was also quite clever but i became someone who didnt even know how to socialise with people properly and was always so paranoid about what other people thought of me, so paranoid that i literally couldnt think about anything else for more than a minute without worrying about what i should be doing or saying or how i should be acting or how people percieved me. i didnt even realised id changed at the time all i knew was that i was messed up and i couldnt figure out why and i couldnt speak to anyone about it. then one day it just clicked and i realised that it was the weed so i stopped smoking it. very very slowly i started becoming back to normal, month by month i would notice tiny differences and as things were starting to click in my head and fall into place i became more and more confident. it is a very slow process, it has taken me a good two or three years to get to the stage im at now and im happy to say im almost back to my normal self. now i only worry about what people think of me once or twice a day and because my head isnt filled with anxious thoughts all the time i find i can concentrate on things so much better which beleive me makes such a huge difference on anyones life! i still have my moments where i am away with the fairys thinkin about pointless irrelevant things but im so sure that with time they will go away and ill be completely back to normal. so dont worry! hang in there because i can promise you that as long as you keep off the weed and drugs you will be absolutley fine. if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me. when i was in my horrible dark paranoid state im sure that having someone to talk to who could understand and tell me that everything would be ok would have made it so much easier to cope with so i plan to write a book about it one day. anyway i hope this helps. dont do anything silly because you havent ruined your life, if anything youve gained some really valuable life experience which should set you up for what life has to throw at you because when you get back to your old self you will find that you are a stronger person than you were before. good luck! Smile
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