Womens Chat Forum - I'm Sorry I Broke Up..but I Do Not Regret

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Q: I'm Sorry I Broke Up..but I Do Not Regret

asked by: amyamy on November 20th, 2007

New User

hi,
I had a relationship for 10 years..last year we broke up. The reason was that i was no more sexually interested for him. I love him so much..He is my other half in many things, and he is the only person who can fully understand me..but, i didn't want to sleep with him. The last 3 years were awful, we almost had no sex..1 time every 2-3 months..if it was every month it was a recor..he wanted sex with me..i was the "no" person..i rejected him so many times..i was paining everytime i was hurting him like that, but i didn't want sex, i started hating sex, and he was good in bed. I just didn't like him physically. Because at the last years he gained some weight, and actually because i was never enthousiastic with his appearance.
I was blaming my self everyday because i think that this is a very swallow reason to break up a 10 years relationship..but at the end i just could not help my self anymore..
The sock came when in my job i met another man, and we were really attracted to each other..(i never cheated my ex).First time i felt like that..After that i broke up with my ex.I haven't regret it yet.
With the other man we slept together but nothing more. After him i met another man. he is 17 years older ans i really enjoy sex with him. But of course it is not a real relationship
The thing is that my ex bf is still desperate,and i love him (as a friend and person) and i miss him ( he made me feel good). Some times i think that i might be wrong..but i still have no sexual attraction..but in all other we were perfect..i'm afraid i will never found someone to love me like that again.. I am confused..and i am so sorry..
I am so sorry i broke up..but i do not regret..

Replies(12)

Lion79

replied on November 20th, 2007

Experienced User

You don't have anything to regret really. Things like this happen after a long time, and you didn't cheat on your ex so you didn't do anything wrong. I understand how you still love him but you didn't find him sexually attractive anymore. I'm sad to say I'm going through a similar thing myself.
Don't regret anything, these things happen.

amyamy

replied on November 21st, 2007

New User

u mean, u have a relationship and u try to break up, or u had one? it is really hard..

PixieKat

replied on November 21st, 2007

Experienced User

Everything that happens, happens for a reasion. You will eventually find the right guy for you! With every ended relationship, you will regret and still have some feelings for the guy, its natural.

Good luck to you!

Inferior_Decorator

replied on November 22nd, 2007

New User

If he was the right one for you, you'd still be with him now. An Ex is an Ex for a reason.....cut ties with your Ex and move on...he will as well and you'll both find the right person. A break up doesn't always have to be bad, sometimes relationships just wear out, never meant to be. Sad but true. Much luck.

Birch

replied on November 22nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Sexual intimacy is very important for healthy relationships.
Ten years is a long time to be in a relationship. You gave it a good shot. Time to move on.

You will find other men. You might want to seek out some counseling to help you through this.

Best of luck!

amyamy

replied on November 24th, 2007

New User

thnx to all for yr support,
the thing is that he really suffers, and it is almost a year since we broke up. I hate watch him suffering, he is a good person and i see that he is ruining his life. It is a sad thing watching a powerful (in mind and capabilities) person falling like that. Since we broke he seems like he lost every reason to move on. And the worst is that his health is getting bad. He never had problems but now he seems to have destructive intentions
he loved me much, and i loved him back, but obviously he loved more. I love being loved. I appreciate love very much and i hate myself because i hurt a person who loved me so strongly. I wish i could carry on this relationship, he would make everything to make me happy. And this thing u cannot find it everyday.
I feel like i despited his love and love for me is very important..

nissy

replied on November 24th, 2007

New User

Did u try telling him nicely to lose a bit of weight. A good partner is hard to find these days but maybe u can encourage him to exercise by joining a class with him. And as for the intimacy , maybe u both can experiment with different ideas to make your lovelife more exciting. What do u think? I hope things work out for u.
Nissy

haille

replied on November 25th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: I'm Sorry I Broke Up..but I Do Not Regret

amyamy wrote:

Being in a relationship for ten years says something in and of itself. Love is an unconditional intangible feeling that is understanding, accepting, honest, and forgiving.

You do appear shallow for breaking up with your boyfriend based on his current appearance. Anyone, male or female, that does this is basing their relationship on something superficial that is guaranteed to change over time.

If you really wanted your relationship to work, perhaps you would have told him as tactfully as possible that he was becoming unattractive to you both physically and sexually.

The fact the you are jumping from relationship to relationship suggests to me that you are unsettled about your decision.

There is no such thing as perfection.

How would you feel if he dumped you because you got a chubbier than when he first met you?

How would have liked him to deal with the situation?

Reading your post gives me the impression that you do have regrets, even though you are saying otherwise.

I think you need to take some time to yourself. Try to figure you out first, then all other things will fall into place.

amyamy

replied on November 25th, 2007

New User

The fact the you are jumping from relationship to relationship suggests to me that you are unsettled about your decision.

i am not jumping from relationship to relationship. only with the older guy.. and i know it is sallow (his appearance) but i could not do different. Actually for some reason i felt no attraction. I suggested him to do sth about that (polite) but he never did..and what can i do..i am very sorry but i cannot change it..i want the same person in another body, but maybe it is not just that..maybe it is the years, and that we were very young when we met..
Actully now i am thinking deeper, i was never really happy with him. I mean, every time i was expressing myself he was not happy (i like laughing, and saying jokes, and i like having many friends and nice time). He wanted to be only the 2 of us. And the weird thing is that all his friends were avoiding me. They avoided to speak to me, or make a joke. And his brother also. He especially was almost rude. That made my self esteem very low because i was thinking that something was wrong with me. But at the end i understood that maybe he wanted it that way. Because his friends and brother were the only to treat me this way.
Plus, he never liked my friends, everytime he had sth bad to say about them..i never agreed but the truth is that i was away from my friends. Actually now that i am thinking even deeper, i think that i missed my own personality, and having fun..
But he loved me, and he was afraid to lose me..i recognize that. And he would do everything to make me happy..
Maybe all these things that annoyed me, were gathered in the appearance..

Lion79

replied on November 26th, 2007

Experienced User

Maybe it wasn't the weight gain that put you off, originally. I think it's just the length of time you've been together. At first it's all exciting and new, and then it just seems to fade. It's like that with me, we've been together 4 and a half years now and I'm finding myself less and less attracted to him, even though his appearance hasn't changed since we first got together.
With you jumping into a relationship with this older guy, there seems to be nothing emotional about it and that's ok if that's what you want. It seems that by doing this you're catching up on the physical stuff you missed out on with your ex.
It sounds like it just wasn't meant to be.

amyamy

replied on November 26th, 2007

New User

yeah..i think the same..
the truth is that now, i enjoy sex with him..a lot and it is a different and interesting experience. We are not from the same country, and we meet each other, on vacations, or for 3-days escape from every-day routine..it is very refreshing, but i do not know if it is also dangerous..for emotions i mean..
But from the other hand, sometimes i am wondering what am i doing with my life..and where am i going..sometimes i think none will love me as much as my ex..and i want to be loved..i cannot stand unconcern..
For u now, well, if it is just the beginning then try to save it..if u love each other, maybe it is just boredom, try to have actions together, and spend some quality time together. Find new interests..new interests and new things in general is the key, and being open ( i mean with friends and social life)

haille

replied on November 30th, 2007

Experienced User

Confused

amyamy wrote:

I still sense a bit of confusion in your posts.

Just be honest, I mean, really honest with yourself. When I follow this rule, I tend to encourage less regrets about decisions I make in my life.

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