Time to Put You Depression In Storage

Even though I had my Thanksgiving a month ago... HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

And MsSky? Changing to MsCarrie?

How ya do'in dude. Well I hopefully it was a good Thanksgiving for ya.
Yeah, I asked Admin to change my username. I thought it best to go by my real nic name instead. You will understand soon.

Hugs,
Carrie

I like to watch movies like Gremlins 1&2. They had a Christmas theme. I always wanted to watch Evil Santa. What's a downer is movies like It's a Beautiful Life. I want to see a movie about evil elves, or Rain Deer Gone Wild. My Favorite Christmas Comedy is Scrouged. It was pretty dark. Another good Comedy was Christmas Vacation. That had everything going wrong.
Does anyone else have a holiday pleasure, or suggestion?

My christmas pleasure- I like to reflect on nature and the snow that covers everything and the birth waiting to happen underneath it.

I'm not a fan of traditional christmas, christmas movies and the like.

I use to live in the mountains with my two kids. After a big snow, I would put chains on my car, and go for a drive with my kids. It was like the modern day version of the sleigh ride. You have to drive very slow in those conditions. The only way I knew I was on the road is to stay in the center of the tree lines. All the pines would be so heavy with snow, the limbs would be drupping. I would ask my kids "Well, how does it feel to be in a living Christmass Card?".
That is all gone, now. My house is now in the swamps. Everything that was dear is gone.

I envy you. I seem to have no reason for the season. Unless I become a wikken and say BLESSED BE

It burdens my heart to see you do down. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it all go away.
Is there no help from the state or county that you can apply for? Many counties will give you a food or cash card, even a place to stay. You just need to research it. There are alot of things out there that some are not aware of. You should be able to qualify for some if not most of them.
I know what a hard time you are going through right now. I just wish there was some way I could help.

Carrie

I am the working destitute. I work almost all the time. I am almost never at home. I bought a run down shack in the swamps. My daughter, and son inlaw were supposed to help me fix it up. Let see, I bought a 3 bdr home for 30K gives you an idea of the quality of the house. I tried everything I could to make the place a home. My son inlaw got abusive, and my daughter with my grand daughter went to a homeless shelter. I don't know where. She is almost 9 months pregnant with his kid. He is the only one liveing in my house. He won't get a job, and all he does is trash the place.
He says he is going to leave. If he is determind not to do there right thing, then he should. He is waiting for his folks to send him the money to go. So, he says. I may have to have him kicked out. I would hate to do that to the father of my grandson.
Because, I work all the time, I qualify for nothing. This forum has been the best for me in a long time. I know I sound negative. But, everything I have ever been positive about has bit me on the 'SS. And, thanks for your help. I appreciate it.

I'm glad you've found ehealth!!!

It is something positive that will definitely NOT bite you in the 'SS.

Sometimes, late, like, this, responses move kind of slow. I can only respond at night. So, I said what the heck. If you use two depression forums instead of one, I'll get better twice as fast. Was I wrong, (another one of those little things I get optomistic about).
They are a mad house over there. I understand give people a little freedom. The moderation was either non existant or the maniacs were in charge of the asylum. Their intials were D.S. There were people leaving by the droves from the abuse. I am glad that's not happening here. I have had too much of that in my life. This is the place to be. This has helped me. I feel I have helped others. You can't do anything for anybody over there.

Well Mike, The way I feel about it is that you are letting out your feelings. And that alone is a release of you depression. You have a large burden on yourself and I know it looks like there is no end to it. Everyone needs to let it out. In some ways it is a turning point in ones life. Maybe even if it only makes you feel better. Hardship is not easy. I am going through a very hard time in my life right now too. And some days it is very hard for me to look at anything with a positive thought.
I will give you an example that is happening right now. Back in 2003 (on Thanksgiving Day) my family (mom and sister) were sitting at the table just chatting. Sis and I never really did get along. She was having some problems with her youngest son. She started yelling at me why I was not getting involved in the caos and I had a mouth fool of breakfast and could not answer. Well she went into a lunatic state and got me so upset that my blood pressure went up sky high. All of a sudden I had the headache like I have never in my life experienced. On a scale from 1-10 it was a 50. I must have gotton up from the table and passed out cold. I don't remember that but I got back up with the pain and went outside to hang some wash. By then I was throwing up horrificly. We call 911 and the ER did a CT scan of my brain to find that I had bursted a blood vessel and was having a brain hemorage. I was in ICU for 7 days. Thank goodness the bleeding stopped by itself. To make a long story short, I had a stroke! A stroke that has two endings. You either end up a vegetable or you die. I am a very lucky person to still be around. My point in this, is that today (Thanksgiving Day) I have to go over to my mom and sister for lunch. I am already having a major panic attack thinking about it. BTW: I did finally move out. But, I am so scared about being there on the same day that tragic event happened. I will never forgive her for that. Now you think for one moment that I am going to enjoy my 2007 Thanksgiving dinner. Think again. I am taking one Klonopin with my morning meds as usual and then taking a Xanex before I leave the house.

Happy Thankgiving everyone. Hope yours is going to be better then mine.

Carrie

I don't remember the name. It was a comedy. I think it had Diane Keeten in it. It was about a family holiday get together where everybody hated each other but would put on their phony acts. I Think it was Diane Keeten showed up drunk, and tried to stay that way trough out the party. I think it was something like holiday reunion. Maybe you just need to take plenty of holiday cheer with ya. You know the kind that I mean. Just for the holiday of course.

I am going for my mother's sake. She has mid to end stage lung cancer and I never know when this will be her last holiday. If not for her, I would rather spend it alone watching the Macy Day parade like it did as a kid growing up in Manhattan for 18 years.

I went to Wal-Mart early this morning. I found everything chearful. I heard christmas music playing. I looked at the toys, the lights, the goodies. I was thinking how nice everything was. I was thinking,"The holidays won't bother me one bit. Heck, I have missed dozens of holidays". The it hit me. It was like a punch in the gut. I had to sit for a bit. Then, I went out to my pick-up. The problem wasn't missing these holidays. It was missing most of the holidays in my life. It was all the lonelyness I have ever experinced on all the other missed holidays combined. The realization of a life time of unhappiness. The memory of 15yrs ago, I had a bottle of vodka for Christmas cheer, while my family was elsewhere celebrating. I realized that I have always been someone else's slave, and the slavery will continue. I sorry folks. This is BAD! (There is no emoticon that can convey the level of my feeling)

I am so sorry that everything you look at or hear or smell or taste, has a negitive outcome to it. I wish you were able to be more positive. I think you would be able to achieve more if you could find a little bit of positive in you life. I know, that is asking way to much. But, I can still think it can't I?

Carrie

P.S. My Thanksgiving Day was far from a comedy.

You didn't take the advice of showing up drunk, and staying that way till it was over.
Now, I can't wait till this job is over. So, I can get drunk, and stay drunk 'till I go back to work again. The Big whisky bottle in the motel room, is my positive fantasy. I don't drink. But, it feels like it's high time to start. I really wouldn't take much to snoker me, nowdays. I probably no longer need the big bottle. The medium bottle would probably over kill,(no threats intended, just a figure of speach for being more than adiquate).

I don't drink Mike. On way to many medications. Or I would be enjoying my red wine. Not Mad Dog either! Or a nice glass of asti would even be better.

I don't drink either. But, the sounding more like a positive experience, all the time.
I take meds too. I take 4 for my arthritis. I take 4 for my heart. I take two for my T2 diabetes. I take 1 for my blood pressure. I take 1 for my thyroid and 20mg Lexapro for depression.
Right now! I think a good, big, bottle of Jim Beam could out perform all that junk. Brave ulysses, hears the sirens call. I have too much of a cursid work ethic to do that while I am here at work. Maybe, I'll feel different, when my days off come around.
No I can't! I'll be too busy catching up on personal business to do that. I am so cursed, I can't even curse myself.