There are so many possibilities. It's difficult to say what's going on without seeing her. Is she in Kindergarten? If she is in Kindergarten and demonstrates behaviors there, perhaps you can ask the school psychologist and other staff members to observe her in the classroom and start from there. Regular pediatricians are not behavioral specialists or psychologists; it's not their area of expertise. I would want to know what happens when she throws these tantrums. There is usually a reason, such as overstimulation in the environment or like you said, she wants things done in a specific way. Did she attain her developmental milestones on time? How is she with her adaptive skills such as daily living skills, communication, socialization?? There are just so many questions. The behavior that you described is atypical of a five year old. Usually five year olds will have fits, may throw themselves on the ground when not getting there own way but they don't do so to the extent you are talking about. You are doing the right thing by seeking answers. Often times, parents of young kids don't know who to go to besides their pediatrician. Some are good but they are medical doctors. They can rule out medical diagnosis but are not typically mental health professionals. Much too often people rely on what they say as the "sole" answer.

Do you live near a Children's Hospital? Do you have good insurance? Children's Hospitals usually have pretty good clinical psychologists.

Thanks for the fast reply! She is in Kindergarten. But she is a different little girl in school and most public places. Very reserved, shy, quiet, sweet. (She is also very sweet at home, when she’s not having a melt down.) And I do not believe her school has a psychologist. They have a nurse and counselors.
Some of the time the tantrums are do to over-stimulation, sugar, or lack of sleep…..but I do not believe it’s the cause. Those elements do cause for us to have a worse day, but, we are very careful and it is rare for a sugar over-load or lack of sleep. Plus there are plenty of days when a melt down comes out of no where. And it’s almost always because things are not done a certain way…..not because she’s not getting her way. She wants it done a specific way. I hope that makes sense.
As far as her behavioral skills, she is a normal five year-old girl. She has always been average or above average.
We do have good health coverage. And we do live close to a Children’s Hospital. I just am a little naïve and do not want my little girl to be poked and prodded at. And actually I do not even know where to start. Do I just call Children’s up?

My suggestion is that you bring your child to see a child psychologist, as soon as possible let them see what's is it that makes your child behave that way it's better to consult them now than later, the earlier the better, prevention is better than cure. It may be due to somethings that happened in school have you asked the teachers?

Honestly, it's a good thing that she is a different child in school and in public. If they haven't seen any of the behaviors your are seeing, it means that she can control it to some point. If she in kindergarten for a few hours a day, there is a possibility that she just hasn't had any of those behaviors because school is not long enough. School is a place that a lot of children with behavior difficulties will melt down due to overstimulation, lack of control over their environment and having to deal with so many different children (just to name a few reasons).

I would call up the psychology department at children's hospital and speak with the receptionist. Ask her about the steps to get your child seen. Since her behavior only occurs at home, I don't think they will "poke or prode" her. They may either do a full psychological assessment or consult with you to give you ideas on what to do. When we have children whose behavior is a little out of the norm, it usually helps to have someone else help us to think outside of the box.

You may want to call the school psychologist and talk with him or her about what you are going through. They also may know more about resources in your community and can help steer you in the right way. At least they can be a good person to consult.

Good luck

Have you considered autism? I'm actually not quite sure of the symptoms of autism in younger children, but the calming part triggered the thought that if she wants to be picked up a certain way, maybe she's trying to express another need than simply bein upset b/c she can't get what she wants?

One symptom of autism is no eye contact when the child is call - I know this from my sister her daughter is autistic.

Have you heard of the Feingold Diet? You can find more info at Feingold.org. It is the elimination of artificial colors, salicylates, and the food additives BHA, BHT, & TBHQ from the diet. On the 5th day of the diet, my then 4yr old was a completely different (sweet & compliant) child. At that age it only takes 4-5 days to see the results. We had great success with this, and thankfully--no drugs !! Those petroleum chemicals are pretty powerful on little bodies and minds. Lots of good info on the web site - a good place to start.
Best of luck.

my 6 year old son has the same troubles when things don't go as planned he has these fits of rage. He throws himself down slams his head in the wall, screams for hours crys loudly, throws toys, breaking them. We tried the doctor, and then a counseling center for children, they dignosed him as having ADHD and medicated him right away, this made things worse. On top of the fits, he began to talk about hating himself, and being depressed. I took him off the meds. I have tried working with the school but they are tired of dealing with him. THey tell me they don't have time for his behavior and it is distracting the other children. He is a very intelligent child, acedemically he is suceeding, but socially I feel he is drownding. He is aware of his fits, we talk about them once he has calmed down. He is not able to control them, he crys and tells me he doesn't want to do it any more, but he can't stop. I'm so afraid for him! At first we thought that his behavior was just a spoiled child not getting his way, we tried to take things from him, grounded him gave him time out. This has no effect on him! Punishments make it worse, it is like a total break down for him. Most of these fits happen at home, and just recently he began them at school. The doctors and the counseling center have never seen one in action. I try at times to provoke one when we are there, I know that may seem cruel but at this point I feel that if they could just see one, they could help him. What do we do? When I saw the posting above about the 5 year old girl I felt relief that I am not alone, but were do we go from here?

Get your daughter to a behavioral specialist immediately. Do your own research on the web and get a referral! Its your rights! It took a video clip of my son seizing to prove that it was more than a tic (uncontrollable muscle twitching). And thats the only way I was referred out to a pediatric neurologist! My son was diagnosed with Epilepsy in December 07. And now I believe my son is also an Autistic child.

Good luck to you!

Remember, a mother always knows! I did! I sensed it from day one.

Hi, i have a daughter who just turned 6. up until the past 5 weeks, she has had "tantrums," but we were able to control them by disipline techniques. in the last 3 of the five weeks mentioned, i was alerted by the kindergarten teacher that i needed to remove my daughter from the premisis on 3 occasions. this was the first i heard of her throwing these trantrums. when i went to school to pick her up, i couldn't believe my eyes. she was throwing herself on the floor, screaming at the top of her lungs, ripping things off the walls of the principle's office, running away from me down the halls screaming. since the episode at school, i have started to see those same "tantrums" at home. there is no controlling them. nothing we do works. she recently ran away from her father into the alley behind our home, where cars cut through, screaming. he had an awful time catching her. she could have been hurt very badly. after she eventually calms down, she knows that what she did was not appropriate, but during, there is no cause/effect, no concern for self, nothing. these "tantrums" usually most always begin from her not getting something that she wants, something done her way, etc. up until just recently, i have never been not able to control them. now, i am like an intrusive bystander while she does what she wants. if we try to stop the "trantrum" it gets worse. she has alienated herself from her only two neighbor friends, been told she couldn't return. i have taken her to a therapist who says she has adhd, i have taken her to her pediatrician who says she has "ridgid behaviors" and doesn't believe it's adhd. in the mean time, nothing is being done, the "trantrums" are becoming more frequent, and the possibility of someone getting hurt increases also. autism was mentioned, only due to some "ridgid behaviors" but supressed quickly. she is also in danger on not completing kidergarten, she has mild hearing loss in both ears, and a mother desperatly trying to do something to help. can someone please help?
shelley

oh my gosh .... when I saw all of these posts on here, I sighed with relief ... b/c now I feel like my husband and I are not alone. I have a 5 yr old step-daughter who acts the same way as everyone has posted on here. No one believes us when we tell them about these fits. They say different things like "oh, it's because you're not consistent, oh she's not on a routine, oh she consumes too much soda, oh she doesn't get enough rest." well ya know what?!? - neither did I when I was little and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no one else I know did either - but I have NEVER EVER seen fits of rage such as my step-daughters. I've been doing a little research here online and the closest thing I can come up with is Bipolar disorder. It's so rare for it to come out in little kids, but she fits all the criteria. Right down to having a direct family member with bi-polar disorder. I don't think her mother has ever been diagnosed, but they both go through the highest of highs and the lowest of low's at the drop of a hat. It's crazy. I'm definitely calling a child psychologist on monday (since it's July 4th weekend) and getting her in to be seen. She barely has any friends that want to hang out with her and it's getting to be an everyday thing - where NOTHING helps. We've tried every disciplinary action possible - no effect. Tonight, we had to literally pick her up and put her in the tub, her mother had to climb in to wash her up while I held her still so no one would slip and fall. Different things trigger it .... tonight it was the tub, 2 nights ago it was me washing her feet before she got into bed, a few nights before that it was because her cousin touched her favorite toy, sometimes it's because the girls next door have to go inside, one time it was because she accidentally broke her snow globe - all fo these things have sent her into fits of RAGE that last for hours - crying, screaming, flailing on the floor, banging her head against the wall, ripping posters off the wall, pulling her curtains down, etc, etc, etc. So .... at this point, we are also at our wits end and I'm definitely calling someone on Monday ... hope we all get the help we need.