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Boyfriend That Feels Sorry For Himself All the Time

I have a boyfriend that is constantly feeling sorry for himself.He acts like he has such a bad life when he really doesn't.I feel like he isn't grateful for the things that he has or me for that matter.I try to make him feel better but that doesn't work.I don't understand he has a girlfriend that loves him which is me so I really don't see why he gets depressed all the time.I just feel like he dwells on the past too much.He also takes things out on me like if he is having a bad day he will be rude to me.We don't get to see each other that much like 2 times a week.When I talk to him on the phone he just sits there and says nothing.He says he doesn't have anything to say and he would rather talk in person,but right now when we don't see each other alot the phone is all we have.I don't know what to do,I mean I love him alot and I don't want to break up with him.I just feel like he has changed alot he never used to be this way.I tell him all of this but he says he hasn't changed and I over analyze things way too much.I need suggestions on what I should do?
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replied November 15th, 2007
Experienced User
From what you're saying, I don't believe you have over analyzed anything. It's a sad truth in relationships, sometimes people change for the worse. But you do not know why he has changed, ask him to explain his feelings for you. There may be something deeper that is causing his depression...having depression would cause him to see the world differently.

If that doesn't work, you need to tell him that you do not feel appreciated and that it is hurting you. If he is not willing to change for himself, he might be willing to change for you, for your relationship, and for the love you share.

I wish you the best
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replied November 15th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
If you're on the phone a lot is it because you're in a long distance relationship? Relationships that are mostly over the phone are hard because you don't really have the physical part of being in a loving relationship-- and I don't mean sexual, but just hugs or SOME kind of physical connection. Him being upset over the phone could easily just have to do with the fact that you don't see each other often enough.

Having a loving girlfriend doesn't mean your life is wonderful, but it does help Smile
Although you may be a big part of his life, you are still only a part of it. What's going on otherwise? Is his family life all right? School? Friends? Work? Have you asked about these things? And I mean really sat down and had extensive conversations about everything. You need to try and understand him a little better before you just say he's changed.

Tell him you want to help-- you want to talk and are MORE than willing to listen. When he does decide to talk, don't interrupt. (I have a problem with it, so I'm warning you just in case) And try to have this talk in person.

Good luck, I hope you can work everything out Sad
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replied November 15th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
To me it looks like he is probably getting ready to ditch her. Particulary for the rude part.

I don't understand when I read women saying their partners are rude but then they say "i love him so much". A man that is rude to me I would stop loving him. How can you love someone that is rude to you can someone explain that to me?? I can only think of two things. Either they are afraid to live single or they don't know what true love is about. Having a feeling of love for someone is not enough for a relationship, it has to be the two feeling love and the two respecting each other..

open your eyes blondie
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replied December 4th, 2007
Thats nonsence night angel. ME and my partner are both rude to each other when one of us is caca. it does not mean his going to leave her. Blondie.. his like this now because he doesnt have to hide how he is really feeling to you. I spose your the only one he whinges about his life to? After living with my boyfriend for a few years we happened to be in the same situation as you and only seeing each other 2 days of the week. When your together if his a lil crapy or sad you can make him smile with your smile or sit and cuddle n watch tv. The phone doesnt have the same effect! I use to get my partner in a worse mood. I would always say the wrong thing trying desperate to get him in a good mood.

If his life really isnt that bad, but he thinks it is then i think he might be suffering from depression. Choose your time wisely and mention that to him.

Goodluck
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replied December 15th, 2009
Do yourself a favor and look up narsicist on the web. He may be a narsicist and if he is just get out. I have been living with one for 5 years now and I have lost everything and will soon walk out on my now fully mortgaged home. These guys will never be happy and all the love in the world can't change them...only end up destoying you....check it out...just to be sure.
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replied December 15th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I'm getting the sneaking suspicioun from her post that Blondie_889 is in her teens, in which case every boy that's age appropriate for her will fit the description of a narcicist.

If you really feel that your boyfriend's mood doesn't make sense for his situation talk to him and see if his explanation makes more sense. If he's constantly depsressed you may want to suggest he see someone about it.
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replied November 3rd, 2016
I know this was posted a long time ago but I thought I'd leave this post for anyone who is in a similar boat and stumbles upon this. I have been with my partner for over three years now and he has expressed similar feelings of having a bad life, feeling worthless, wanted more than he has, and being generally unable to accept the way things are and be grateful for what he has. He started expressing these feelings about a year into our relationship and I would tried really hard to give him advice but it didn't seem to help. Still, I hoped I was getting to him. After about 6 months of this pattern, I started to take his discontent personally like blondie because he has me, his many friends, his family, his intelligence, good looks, wonderful personality, etc. Why can't he just be happy? Am I causing him to feel this way? I started to shut down when he got into a rut because if I had half of the things he has, I would be happy, so I tell myself. I've felt this way for a while but I've come to see things from his perspective as well. Some people, like myself, can be content with much less than other people can be content with and this doesn't make them wrong or unenlightened, it just makes them a different person with different needs. What torments my boyfriend is that he is a musician and an artist at heart but he feels he can't fully express himself because his time is consumed by his desk job and other commitments and he can't find the time to devote to his crafts in order to become a famous artist or musician (which is what he really wants to be). I know this may sound childish to some but I believe some people are just meant to be creators and might never feel content unless they can fully express themselves. Imagine if Picasso had given up his dreams of becoming an artist and became an auto technician instead. It would be like locking a tiger in a cage for the rest of its life. Our partners need us to understand, reassure, and help them find solutions (even though that can be very difficult). If we just tell them to get over it, they'll perceive us as part of the problem. The number one thing men need and try to hold on to when they enter a relationship is freedom, freedom to become who they want to be so they can be the best at what they do, and when we don't help them by understanding and encouraging them even when they don't seem to want to take our advice, they will see our relationship as another responsibility hindering them from focusing on their destiny, even if they truly love us. This may be why our partners lash out at us when they're upset, they feel hopeless and we need to be part of the solution, not the problem by minimizing their complicated feelings to them just feeling sorry for themselves. Find out what the real problem is and do everything you can to help. Don't blame yourself if he doesn't seem to be responding to your efforts to help, but do try.
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