I am sorry for what is happening to your marriage. I can some what relate. My husband is the same when it comes to money. I use to have a checking account. I had to close it b/c he was stealing checks. Even after I closed the checking account, he was still using the old checks and buying stuff with them. Now my credit is to hell. There is no way I can own a credit card, he would really put us in debt. And cash, I have to hide it. It has diffenetly put a strain on our marriage. I feel like i'm the parent, and he's my teenage son or something. As far as the bi-polar thing, I don't know what to tell you. Have you told your wife how you felt? Maybe you two should try counceling and through that you can figure out if she is in fact bi-polar. They could put her on medication and hopefully that will help out. I'm sorry I am not much help. If your wife is bi-polar at least that would explain why she takes money. My husband doesn't have an excuse.

Advice;

1) get rid of credit cards & cancel all accounts that she can use.

2) give her a small amount of cash for daily needs & you do all shopping.

3) see if there are any support groups for families of people with mental health issues in your area - this is for you.

4) see if she will attend counselling with you &/or alone.

5) see if there's a support group for her & then see if she'll attend.

6) if you can't get the above going you may need to consider separating for your sake & hers as it may bring her to her senses. "hard love".

Hi there,
as a fellow suffering significant other (welll....Actually he is now out of my life, due to the lies) I soooo understand what u are going through!! I wish I would have been able to get some support earlier...Perhaps I would hve saved myself a whole lot of pain, but what ifs are pointless.
So your spouse hasn't actually been diagnosed?? If that is the case, she obviously isn't being treated, correct? As far as advise, protect yourself!!! Don't fall into the trap of believing based on your emotions. Set bounderies, and try to stick with them for your protection. Educate yourself about the disorder, and mental disorders in general. It is what finally made me able to 'see', and learn the truth I sooooo wanted to avoid. But we can be lied to for just so long, be used for just so long, be stripped of our dedication. I certainly didn't want to make the choice I made, but for my own sanity, I had to close the door, because his lies and deciept reached a level I could no longer accept.
Without more info I can only have my opinion. But...Even if there is a diagnosis in place, it sounds to me like there is more than just the bi polor issues. I have several awesome sites with info if you are interested. Let me know, it is very painful caring for someone who is bi polar/borderline, or any other mental illness....It just plain hurts.
Best of luck to you,
cor

I am on the other side of this. I put my husband thru hell. Major credit card debts (some in his name), lied on a regular basis and lived in major denial. Looking back now, I still cringe and am deeply ashamed of everything I did. Long story, short...Things came to a head and he said get in treatment or move on. That was four years ago and things are so much better. First, I had to accept that I had a major problem. I have been in treatment on my own since then and we also attend couples counseling to help with our communication issues (venus/mars issues). I do not have or use credit cards and will not ever bring another debt into our marriage without discussing it with him. I may never be financially responsible, but I recognize that. My paychecks go into an account that I don't have access to. I have a portion of my pay directed into a separate account for my own spending. It is a mutually agreed upon amount and more than adequate. If I need more for whatever reason, we discuss it. It has been a long, hard road and I still beat myself up mentally all the time for what I did but more importantly, he loved me through it all. He is still here today. I travel occasionally and that is the only time I have possession of a credit card and I know I will be proving myself for a long time that I won't ever go down that road again. I even got a second job, which I worked at for two years to help replace our depleted savings account thanks to my recklessness.

If your spouse is willing to acknowledge that they have a problem and take responsibility for their action and seek treatment, things can change. Being on the right medication has also made a huge difference for me. If they aren't willing to accept responsibility, then cut your losses. I hate to advocate divorce, especially since I am blessed that my husband stuck with me and has been an active participant in my ongoing treatment. But sometimes hard love is what it takes.

Sc

Hi helpless,

i think you should tell your wife you have had enough and tell her get some help or else. It might be the wake up call she needs. She definitly sounds bipolar to me....Forgetting she even spent the money. I would be on a high and spend all the money we would have. I would rationalize it by saying to myself we can pay it next week......The bills. Then when I would come off my high I would feel so bad and take as much as I could back to the store. Sounds like your wife has more ups than downs if she is allways spending money, if she is bipolar sounds like she is bipolar type 1 (more ups than downs). I am bipolar type 2 I have more lows than ups, and my ups dont last as long as lows. But when I come off a high I crash, I feel drained and just plain blah. Hope I have helped in some way. Huuuugs bren