Medical Questions > Mens Health > Sexual Health - Men Forum

What Make a Man Not Want to Have Sex (Page 1)

Must Read
Talking openly about the penis is a very personal matter. Learn basic penis anatomy to discuss penile disorders accurately with your doctor....
Penis symptoms that interfere with sexual activity or urination could be serious. Learn the signs and symptoms of penis problems that require a doctor's help....
How do urologists evaluate and diagnose painful penis? A penis disorder is a medical problem. Learn more about possible diagnoses for penis disorders now....
what would make a man not be in the mood all the time
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied November 12th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
lots of things
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: What Make a Man Nit Want to Have Sex
dederyoung wrote:
what would make a man not be in the mood all the time


thats a pretty generic question. You want him in the mood for sex all the time?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Supporter
I have just the opposite problem. What makes a man turned on 24/7? How can I get him to leave me alone?! lol
Not all the time... I'm just not in the mood nearly as often as he is. Twice a week is plenty for me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Marianne0558 wrote:
I have just the opposite problem. What makes a man turned on 24/7? How can I get him to leave me alone?! lol
Not all the time... I'm just not in the mood nearly as often as he is. Twice a week is plenty for me.


Its probably a high level of testorone (Spelling?) or something like that. I know that I am more active then my wife too. I'd like 3 a week, sometimes more. I tend to go in cycles and it drive her crazy. She'd be happy with once a week or every other week.

Many a weeks go where I have to masturbate each day.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Supporter
MikeH90 wrote:
Marianne0558 wrote:
I have just the opposite problem. What makes a man turned on 24/7? How can I get him to leave me alone?! lol
Not all the time... I'm just not in the mood nearly as often as he is. Twice a week is plenty for me.


Its probably a high level of testorone (Spelling?) or something like that. I know that I am more active then my wife too. I'd like 3 a week, sometimes more. I tend to go in cycles and it drive her crazy. She'd be happy with once a week or every other week.

Many a weeks go where I have to masturbate each day.


That's the problem. We talk about masturbation and he either is lying about doing it or isn't doing it. Then if I do it, it turns into a huge fight about how I don't want to have sex with him (like last night). He ended up on the couch.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Marianne0558 wrote:

That's the problem. We talk about masturbation and he either is lying about doing it or isn't doing it. Then if I do it, it turns into a huge fight about how I don't want to have sex with him (like last night). He ended up on the couch.


Keep making him go to the couch over you and he going to cheat on you. You will find out one day when you notice a hole on the couch. =P

What would make a man not in the mood... A kick in his groins would be effective. Threats of castration is also another one. I don't think there is anything you can really say that could put a guy off the mood unless you want to hurt his feelings or something.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Supporter
I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, but it always turns into a fight whenever I'm not in the mood.
And also, he checks the computer for anything I'm doing-as I'm sure he will see this post too... I am constantly questioned about who I am talking to, what about...old friends on myspace... It just makes me feel that he doesn't trust me.
Just last night, because I wasn't in the mood, it was automatically assumed that I was getting mine from somewhere else. Like I have the time for that!

*sigh*
It's all very frustrating and we have been talking about this since our daughter was born (June of 2006). Talking doesn't work.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Marianne0558 wrote:
I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, but it always turns into a fight whenever I'm not in the mood.
And also, he checks the computer for anything I'm doing-as I'm sure he will see this post too... I am constantly questioned about who I am talking to, what about...old friends on myspace... It just makes me feel that he doesn't trust me.
Just last night, because I wasn't in the mood, it was automatically assumed that I was getting mine from somewhere else. Like I have the time for that!

*sigh*
It's all very frustrating and we have been talking about this since our daughter was born (June of 2006). Talking doesn't work.


SOunds like he has trust issues. maybe counseling is in order if you've been trying to talk it out for over a year.

Guys tend to always be in the mood or can get in the mood a lot quicker than women do. I think women need to be warmed up, where as guys its almost instant.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I have a different situation...my husband is about 4 yrs older than me and he has much less of a sex drive than I do. I could go for about 3 times a week, where he would be happy with 1 time a week. We have talked about it, because it does hurt my feelings and he is getting much better about meeting my needs. And I have been trying not to be such a fiend! haha! He just does not have that high of a sex drive and we can't explain it...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
acruz wrote:
I have a different situation...my husband is about 4 yrs older than me and he has much less of a sex drive than I do. I could go for about 3 times a week, where he would be happy with 1 time a week. We have talked about it, because it does hurt my feelings and he is getting much better about meeting my needs. And I have been trying not to be such a fiend! haha! He just does not have that high of a sex drive and we can't explain it...


Slip in some viagra in his drink.... =)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Haha! I have thought of that...but never followed thru, as it would probably be considered a violation of sexual choice!!! HAHA! That is a good one though! : )
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Marianne0558 wrote:
I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, but it always turns into a fight whenever I'm not in the mood.
And also, he checks the computer for anything I'm doing-as I'm sure he will see this post too... I am constantly questioned about who I am talking to, what about...old friends on myspace... It just makes me feel that he doesn't trust me.
Just last night, because I wasn't in the mood, it was automatically assumed that I was getting mine from somewhere else. Like I have the time for that!

*sigh*
It's all very frustrating and we have been talking about this since our daughter was born (June of 2006). Talking doesn't work.


Ok its lunch time so I have more time to think abou this...

1. He needs to deal with his trust issues. My wife has a low sex drive but I don't accuse her of getting it somewhere else just because she isn't in the mood. How old is he? He sounds very immature.

2. you both need to compromise. Example - he wants it 6 times a week, you say no, 2 times - so compromise and do 4.

3. It gets frustrating when one partner isn't in the mood, however if I ask for a handjob or oral my wife will usually grant me that compromise knowing that I will make it up to her later. We don't keep score or anything like that but a back massage or a night of snuggling rather than sex is a compromise I'll make back to her.

4. He most likely feels threatened. He probably doesn't really think your cheating on him, but his ego says something is wrong. He thinks that if your not interested in sex it must be because he is bad in bed or your not attracted to him anymore. So, therefore you must be getting it from someone else. He needs to realize that everyone's sex drive is different.

When you do have sex is it enjoyable for both of you? Does he still do it for you? Maybe there is something deep down that is causing you to not want it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 13th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I agree with Mike. I think when I first started off here, Marianne gave me a good impression of being a openminded and compromising girlfriend because you gave him his space (to go look at other girls boobies or something). I think that was you at least... was it you when I ask you if you had any sisters? =)

Anyway, if you are such a person, it doesn't seem justified considering the extent of his mistrust. I think it's red zone for any partner to have the need to check what they say online in a forum, or who they are talking to, much less accuse another of cheating.

I wholly agree with what Mike said once again.

But I believe this thread was intended for this new person. Original Poster, please feel free to clarify and specify your question about wanting to make your man not be in the mood, it is too general as others have said. Then we can continue the discussion.

@acruz I don't know honestly, I'm not sure how one can be a male and be happy with once a week. Then again, this is coming from a deprived virgin eh? =) Have you ever tried being aggressive and like pouncing on him? That would be a turn on for many guys if they aren't in the mood i imagine.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Mikolas wrote:
I agree with Mike. I think when I first started off here, Marianne gave me a good impression of being a openminded and compromising girlfriend because you gave him his space (to go look at other girls boobies or something). I think that was you at least... was it you when I ask you if you had any sisters? =)

Anyway, if you are such a person, it doesn't seem justified considering the extent of his mistrust. I think it's red zone for any partner to have the need to check what they say online in a forum, or who they are talking to, much less accuse another of cheating.

I wholly agree with what Mike said once again.

But I believe this thread was intended for this new person. Original Poster, please feel free to clarify and specify your question about wanting to make your man not be in the mood, it is too general as others have said. Then we can continue the discussion.

@acruz I don't know honestly, I'm not sure how one can be a male and be happy with once a week. Then again, this is coming from a deprived virgin eh? =) Have you ever tried being aggressive and like pouncing on him? That would be a turn on for many guys if they aren't in the mood i imagine.


I TOTALLY agree with Mikolas about you jumping on him and being a bit aggressive. I initiate 90% of the time and when the wife actually does it (the other 10%) I am totally turned on to the point that we have to go real slow so I don't "end" early. But that is for another thread, which I post quite often on. (PE Sucks!!)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 14th, 2007
Supporter
1. He needs to deal with his trust issues. My wife has a low sex drive but I don't accuse her of getting it somewhere else just because she isn't in the mood. How old is he? He sounds very immature.
He is 23, I am 24.

2. you both need to compromise. Example - he wants it 6 times a week, you say no, 2 times - so compromise and do 4.
I think that is probably the best solution to our problem. I will definitely try that

3. It gets frustrating when one partner isn't in the mood, however if I ask for a handjob or oral my wife will usually grant me that compromise knowing that I will make it up to her later. We don't keep score or anything like that but a back massage or a night of snuggling rather than sex is a compromise I'll make back to her.
He gives me a back rub every night. I have an injury to my back from a car accident years ago and he has been very helpful in that aspect.
4. He most likely feels threatened. He probably doesn't really think your cheating on him, but his ego says something is wrong. He thinks that if your not interested in sex it must be because he is bad in bed or your not attracted to him anymore. So, therefore you must be getting it from someone else. He needs to realize that everyone's sex drive is different.
He said you nailed this right on the head. It's not that I'm not attracted to him-that's not the case at all, if it was, I sure wouldn't be stringing a relationship along.
When you do have sex is it enjoyable for both of you? Does he still do it for you? Maybe there is something deep down that is causing you to not want it.
When we have sex, it is most enjoyable for both of us (at least I think, I know it's enjoyable for me anyway). I tell him how satisfied I am at the end and everything. He does it for me every time. I don't think there has EVER been a time where I wasn't satisfied, ever.
The last time we had sex, he got a little excited and ended up tearing me a little. It hurt like Hell, I'm not going to lie, and I made him stop entirely. Even oral was causing pain. It scared me off a little, but that was only recently. It doesn't answer our previous problems. Right now, I stay home with our toddler and I think this has a lot to do with it. I find myself exhausted at 5pm. When I wake up in the morning, I'm still exhausted. I even thought I was pregnant because of this-it was how I felt when I first became pregnant and was what prompted me to get tested. Most nights, I can tell when he is in the mood and I'm simply too tired to even feel like wanting to get warmed up. I will definitely try the compromising strategy. 3 or 4 times a week can't hurt. Thanks!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Marianne0558 wrote:
1. He needs to deal with his trust issues. My wife has a low sex drive but I don't accuse her of getting it somewhere else just because she isn't in the mood. How old is he? He sounds very immature.
He is 23, I am 24.

2. you both need to compromise. Example - he wants it 6 times a week, you say no, 2 times - so compromise and do 4.
I think that is probably the best solution to our problem. I will definitely try that

3. It gets frustrating when one partner isn't in the mood, however if I ask for a handjob or oral my wife will usually grant me that compromise knowing that I will make it up to her later. We don't keep score or anything like that but a back massage or a night of snuggling rather than sex is a compromise I'll make back to her.
He gives me a back rub every night. I have an injury to my back from a car accident years ago and he has been very helpful in that aspect.
4. He most likely feels threatened. He probably doesn't really think your cheating on him, but his ego says something is wrong. He thinks that if your not interested in sex it must be because he is bad in bed or your not attracted to him anymore. So, therefore you must be getting it from someone else. He needs to realize that everyone's sex drive is different.
He said you nailed this right on the head. It's not that I'm not attracted to him-that's not the case at all, if it was, I sure wouldn't be stringing a relationship along.
When you do have sex is it enjoyable for both of you? Does he still do it for you? Maybe there is something deep down that is causing you to not want it.
When we have sex, it is most enjoyable for both of us (at least I think, I know it's enjoyable for me anyway). I tell him how satisfied I am at the end and everything. He does it for me every time. I don't think there has EVER been a time where I wasn't satisfied, ever.
The last time we had sex, he got a little excited and ended up tearing me a little. It hurt like Hell, I'm not going to lie, and I made him stop entirely. Even oral was causing pain. It scared me off a little, but that was only recently. It doesn't answer our previous problems. Right now, I stay home with our toddler and I think this has a lot to do with it. I find myself exhausted at 5pm. When I wake up in the morning, I'm still exhausted. I even thought I was pregnant because of this-it was how I felt when I first became pregnant and was what prompted me to get tested. Most nights, I can tell when he is in the mood and I'm simply too tired to even feel like wanting to get warmed up. I will definitely try the compromising strategy. 3 or 4 times a week can't hurt. Thanks!


Glad to help, keep us posted on the progress you make.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 14th, 2007
Supporter
Mikolas wrote:
I agree with Mike. I think when I first started off here, Marianne gave me a good impression of being a openminded and compromising girlfriend because you gave him his space (to go look at other girls boobies or something). I think that was you at least... was it you when I ask you if you had any sisters? =)

Anyway, if you are such a person, it doesn't seem justified considering the extent of his mistrust. I think it's red zone for any partner to have the need to check what they say online in a forum, or who they are talking to, much less accuse another of cheating.


Yes, that was me. I feel I am a pretty open-minded person-at least I try to be.
I think all of the mistrust issues stem from his previous girlfriend. She cheated on him numerous times (once on the couch while he was in their bed asleep)... I try to tell him I am different, but then again, every girl says that (I'm really different though).
There is a big problem of my self-esteem and self consciousness. I was 130 when I got pregnant and when I gave birth, I was 193. That has shot my self-esteem WAY low. I feel like my body is deformed. All of the extra skin that won't go back... Doctors told me it would never go back and the only alternative was a tummy tuck.
He's even said he would pay for a body overhaul (if that is what I wanted) one day when we have the finances to back it up.
When we first started dating, we would have sex ALL the time... ALL night. 2-3 times per DAY. It was great. But as we all know, children change that and also when you have been together for 3 years, it is nearly impossible to get that kind of a drive back. At the end of the day, I'd rather lay in my bed watching tv than have to work extra hard to please both of us... you know?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 14th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I hate to put a damper on this, but if a person is unhappy in the sex area, it can opens the door to cheating. Not only in the sex area but aguing about things in general.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Marianne0558 wrote:
Mikolas wrote:
I agree with Mike. I think when I first started off here, Marianne gave me a good impression of being a openminded and compromising girlfriend because you gave him his space (to go look at other girls boobies or something). I think that was you at least... was it you when I ask you if you had any sisters? =)

Anyway, if you are such a person, it doesn't seem justified considering the extent of his mistrust. I think it's red zone for any partner to have the need to check what they say online in a forum, or who they are talking to, much less accuse another of cheating.


Yes, that was me. I feel I am a pretty open-minded person-at least I try to be.
I think all of the mistrust issues stem from his previous girlfriend. She cheated on him numerous times (once on the couch while he was in their bed asleep)... I try to tell him I am different, but then again, every girl says that (I'm really different though).
There is a big problem of my self-esteem and self consciousness. I was 130 when I got pregnant and when I gave birth, I was 193. That has shot my self-esteem WAY low. I feel like my body is deformed. All of the extra skin that won't go back... Doctors told me it would never go back and the only alternative was a tummy tuck.
He's even said he would pay for a body overhaul (if that is what I wanted) one day when we have the finances to back it up.
When we first started dating, we would have sex ALL the time... ALL night. 2-3 times per DAY. It was great. But as we all know, children change that and also when you have been together for 3 years, it is nearly impossible to get that kind of a drive back. At the end of the day, I'd rather lay in my bed watching tv than have to work extra hard to please both of us... you know?


This must be women thing. ha ha. My wife put on a few pounds, nothing like what you're describing but she also does not feel sexy at times because of what she calls a tummy. I'm like "PLEASE!" you call that fat!

We're there with you cause we love you. We just want sex, we don't care about how the body looks.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12 >>
Quick Reply