Nail Issues - white scaly tissue a sign of AIDS?

first off, thank you ALL who reply here and help people with their questions. the world needs people like you.

I am 29 y/o, my last HIV test was 10 years ago and it was negative. I have been married for 5 years, and have a 1 year old baby boy.

My wife had prenatal blood work done while pregnant, and her HIV came back negative. We both have Herpes Simplex, genital mostly. This is from before we got married.

here is the story.

When my wife had our baby, we went through a tough period where sex was pretty much absent. the realtionship was fine...we are very loving and caring of each other, but sex was just not happening. at first i thought this was normal due to postpartum. then it kept going, she was totally not interested. I blamed myself for being a little overweight, ugly, etc. and got really depressed. So depressed i started looking for other ways to get my self esteem back, and my sexual needs met.
I resorted to paying for sex. Escorts to be more specific.
I had several encounters. All protected...once or twice quick unprotected oral, but NEVER unprotected intercourse. During this time i battled emotions and guilt for doing this, but thought this was better than having an actual emotional affair, thinking this was less "cheating". Ridiculous i know.
I had a long talk with my wife about her lack of interest, and we decided to start trying new things to spice up our sex life. And we did. I finally realized the risk i was putting us all in, and how much i love my family. And decided to never do this again. Me and my wife use condoms most of the time, due to the Herpes, although we take Valtrex every now and then when an outbreak occurs. But again, a couple of times we have had unprotected sex. Unless i am VERY mistaken. my wife has never cheated on me, and never would.

The issue is in the past month or so i have deloped a nail problem. I have what appears to be either Psoriasis of the nail or some fungal infection. I keep reading online and both of these are clinical manifestations of HIV infection. I have never been diagnosed with Psoriasis, although i have always been a dry itchy person...when the weather is dry, my back always itches. I have always battled dandruff since i was a kid.

But I am worried sick. The one on my finger nails is weird cause i remember almost 2 years ago, i slammed my middle finger in a door. My nail of course turned purple, and ended up falling off. I have a nervous habbit of biting my nails and sometimes i make them bleed. so i kept messing with that nail and picking at it and poking at it and removing the parts that were about to fall off. It got really nasty, but i dont ever remember it getting infected. When it started growing out, i noticed dimples on it. little rounded pits on the nail plate. never thought anything of it. The pits kept going and my nail was full of little round pits. Now ALL my nails(both hands) have developed little pits, and they have white scaly tissue that looks like its coming from the cuticle. They are not painful or itchy. Then for about a month i got this rash on my thumb(palm side). It was like dry dead skin, and again...i kept picking at it and biting the little scales that would peel off. and i would make them bleed. I decided to stop that and moisturize it. it went away. then appeared on my other hand. on my thumb again(palm side), middle finger(on the joint palm side) and the tip of my pinky(palm side). if i picked at them, and didnt keep them moisturized, i could get them to bleed by biting and picking on them. Again, tried moisturizing, and they went away. although not completely. on dry winter days, when my hands are dry, i can see a difference in the skin there, and that area can be itchy.
My toenails, specifically the big toe nails. are both a little discolored ( whitish yellowish) and the right one shows signs of nail damage starting at the cuticle. as if it was subungual onychomycosis. AGAIN as i have read online, very common in HIV infected people, very rare in healthy people. The callus on my right toe also got really dry and itchy to the point where it cracked open. I fixed that with moisturizers.
the left one is starting to show. I have soaked them in vinegar for a week, and they dont get worse, but they dont improve either. I have kept my feet moisturized every day. again...dont worsen, but dont improve. I do have a VERY stressful job...and the time of MOST stress just passed. it was a spceifically stressful season. Juggling 3 jobs at the same time. Running from one place to the next. Could this cause the psoriasis ? only in the nails though ? Could i have had psoriasis all along and not known it ? they say HIV triggers it though.

As far as other symptoms, i dont remember when, maybe it was before the baby was born, i got what they call the 48 hour flu. or at least thats what i thought. Awful diarrhea and vomiting, but anly lasted 1 days. other people at work also got it i think. a week ago, i kind of developed what i think is a sinus infection...yet ANOTHER symtpom of HIV infection. I had no runny nose, but severe head congestion, my nose would get a little congested in the morning, and by the afternoon my head would be killing me. I took sudafed, and ibuprofen, and it lasted three days, i feel better now. I also have a slight diarrhea that has lasted about two weeks, but this could be due to my SEVERE anxiety. I have not been sleeping well, due to worrying. I cant talk to anyone about this. I have a hiatal hernia, and the nervousness and anxiety has been upsetting my stomach, and my apetite is down the drain. Hopefully this is the cause of the diarrhea. it is not severe, and not liquid, but soft muchy stool, and also...very reduced stool. I am usually the other way around. Usually very hard almost constipated stool. painful usually.

When the our baby was born, he had some issues with reflux apnea. He was kept in the nicu for 2 weeks. ALL sorts of test were done. Including testing for Herpes (HSV) and nothing was found. Would thay have done an HIV test ? is this routine ? they concluded it was reflux apnea, and he would grow out of it. He did, and he has been thriving. He has been breastfed for a year, and besides the normal fevers for teething, he has only had one cold recently. runny nose, mild temperature. no vomiting or diarrhea. My wife seems to be quite healthy.

Now all i do is worry. I take his temperature constantly, i check his entire body and mouth for symptoms i find on the internet like i was a madman. My wife of course doesnt know why.

I dont know what to do, i know i have to get tested, and go to a dermatologist. I just dont know if i could live through having to tell my wife i might have HIV and possibly infected her and the baby.

Please. anything helps. i am losing my mind here.

thank you.