I really didn't know that so many people were facing the same problem. I have been married for about 11 months and my husband and I constantly fight over his inability to give me time. We might fight about other things but paucity of time has been constant as a topic. I quit my job to marry this man. I just started working again a few weeks back and he had a problem with me not having enough time and the traveling associated with the job. We had a long discussion over it and decided that I should quit my job and do something which is not as demanding. I did agree. But over the last few weeks I have noticed that he has no time or inclination to talk to me. He is always tired. My in laws keep coming to town every month and his friends also stay over frequently. In all our fights I have asked him to manage his time better and all he has to say is that I should have realistic expectations as regards time. I don't see how expecting to spend a few hours with him is unrealistic. Every time this topic comes up he gets argumentative and blames me for picking a fight. I am sick and tired of it because it's not in my nature to ask for the same thing over and over again to no avail. Every day he comes back from work and watches TV till he goes off to sleep. I have now come to understand that he doesn't want to change that but if was so set in his ways where was the need to marry someone. And though I'm tired of harping over it, I can't help myself from telling him to spend more time with me. I don't know what to say to him so that I can get through to him and the whole process is quite frustrating. He has all the time in the world to do everything and IF he has any time left he will spend that with me. If I ask for more I'm unrealistic. If someone has been able to fix this sort of a situation please help me!
@sy76 so not true my husband I NEVER argued, spent LOTS of time together and this issue has only come up SINCE baby, we are working on it but ya never an issue til AFTER baby so now hes busy with other things and people and I DONT HAVE THE OPTION cause guess whos got to watch the baby. certainly not giving up its obviously an adjustment for everyone and everyone deals differently, but it sure annoys the SH*T out of me lol we will get there though sdo will you
I wish I had a solution for us ladies, but unfortunately I don't. My husband is addicted as well. He doesn't ever mind me going out and doing things which at first I thought it was him letting me have my independence. Then I realized if I am not home he can play his game. I guess I am not someone he wants to talk to. This sucks. In the past few months I have thought about leaving my husband so many times. Now I am even looking to the attention of other men. I am not cheating but I desperately look for men to just glance my direction so I don't feel like there is something undesirable about me. Honestly, I don't know why I haven't left yet. We got married in September, so it hasn't even been a year and it's already like this. My next step will be to move myself into our guest room. I'm hoping it'll get his attention. With a dog at home I can't just leave without a plan, but I will do so if need be. I know it's not a final solution, but maybe it'll work. If not, counseling will be the next step. But he doesn't really like the idea of counseling he thinks i should just go & not have him go with me. I often feel like he is treating me like a roommate and not a wife, i always thought the first year of marriage is the honeymoon stage. Or even the first few months or heck even weeks, but it's not. He would rather choose his game or computer rather than nurturing a relationship with me. It makes me sad and he just does not get it. when he does spend time with me he acts like he is doing me a favor & that makes me feel very blahhh. I really don't want my family to know about any of this but i am starting to feel like I need someone to talk to. He used to be my best friend and now i can honestly say i dont have one anymore. It's a shity feeling i've been feeling lately. While I am writing this on the laptop he is on the other room playing his games...ahhhh! I want to SCREAM!
I almost the same case like yours. Since my husband is an IT, he loves computer games as well (he is 32 now), watching race cars on the net, chatting and flirting over the yahoo messenger, facebook etc..I am 11 months married and it was really a devastating feeling over the last 9 months of being far from each other. When our conflicts got worsen, I decided to take him and be with me in the country where I presntly working at. On his first week with me, it was so much hard because he always find me wrong in every single thing I do, I act and say. It hurts so much, I want to give up my marriage already but then, at the end of the day, I still have this feeling of fear that I don't want to give up my marriage. This is the fate I decided to go through without knowing my husband so well before getting into marriage. I started to understand his wants now and giving the longest patience ever I could ever give. If he started to get mad or change his mood, I don't talk anymore. And now, little by little my husband is changing. Maybe too slow to totally change him and bring back his interest to have a baby, I know, the soonest possible time, he will think to have us a basic family. I just now trust the Lord and think positve, despite his negativity, I can pull him up to a solid base marriage...God bless you
Constant fighting would probably turn into worst conflict. In that case, one of them will refuse to have a baby because all the negativity and confusion will take place until, either one of them nor none of both at all will get interest to have a child and prefered to be alone inside their marriage.
if you reach the point where you say "what shall i do? help?" you've clearly reached a point where you are being disrespected by your other half and need to end it there and then and use the experience gained to better your life by making sure it doesn't happen with the next guy
life is long ladies- having a baby to 'fix' the problem will only add an innocent party to the equation and screw up that kids life because they wont have a good dad. it will also put more pressure on YOU because you will be raising it ALONE
END IT and start a new stress free life before you get knocked up- you made a mistake- it doesn't have to be for life
I plan on taking my own advice and doing just that- totally married the wrong person- thought he was someone else turns out i was wrong- plus I hate his family