Relationships and Marriage Forum - Newly Wed but Husband wants time alone

Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > Newly Wed but Husband wants time alone

Q: Newly Wed but Husband wants time alone

asked by: Kebi on November 10th, 2007

New User

Hi,

I just got married to my husband 5 months ago. he is american and I am swiss (so i moved to the US a couple weeks before we got married).
the first couple months we had a great time with each other, but then we started fighting more often, and now we're almost constantly fighting. It's always about the same thing and i just don't know how to solve the problem.
I want him to spend more time with me, but he wants to hang out with his friends all the time, or game on the computer. He says that one "date night" a week and being with me for 30-60 minutes every day is plenty and he wants the rest of the time for himself. I see how he wants to spend time with his friends and i think that's a great thing, but then again i feel like he's spending more time with his friends and the computer than he is with me.
I see how it's also my problem, because i don't have very many friends over here in the US (none at all to be completely honest) since my family and friends are all in switzerland, and i'm having a really hard time finding friends. At work I dont seem to connect with anyone (although i really try hard) and my husband keeps telling me that i need to make an effort to find friends (but i do!! it's just really not that easy if you dont know anyone at all).
We keep fighting about me wanting to spend more time with him, and him wanting more alone time. I feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me at all, but does it anyways because i want him to (which doesn't make the quality time that great either).
I really want to solve this problem and am open to advice!!
thank you!!

Replies(5)

nightangel73

replied on November 10th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

It seems to me you didn't knew this guy well before you got married. How much time "alone" should be thoroughly discussed before getting married. You see I'm also newlywed and we both love to spend time in the computer (me on these boards and him with computer game) So it doesn't bother each of us that part hehe. I don't know what to say as advise but I wish you the situation gets resolved.

rooted

replied on November 12th, 2007

Supporter

Just had our 1 year anniversary and the first year was the hardest in my life. You learn how to give and take. In this case, you might need to make a strong point to him. My husband and I had at least 4-5 very serious talks where we almost broke up --- and one of them was about this same issue. Only reversed. I wanted time alone. I had to give some of that up b/c otherwise, he would have left me. We didn't get married to live separate lives, he told me.

Realize that once you make a commitment, it will be tested.

How far are you willing to go now? B/c it WON'T change in the future.

Kebi

replied on November 14th, 2007

New User

(rooted) thank you so much for sharing that! it feels good to know that there are other couples going through the same thing and not giving up.... thanks so much!!

nehasharma

replied on August 2nd, 2009

New User

Husband don't spend time with me.

I am also facing the same issue. Firstly I use to run after him, I use to fight with him for spending more time with me as compared to other house hold or family related matters, bu then I thought that I should do reverse now I developed my interest in other things just to keep my mind busy, but sorry to say my case is worst he still didn't cared for me. Sad

I have lost all my hopes but still will move ahead with this relationship.

birds123

replied on November 19th, 2009

New User

I'm having the same problem. I don't know why these guys get married when they want to spend time with friends. Even when I'm alone with my husband his friends are always calling him. When we talk with each other he's always talking about his friends. If I say a small little thing that I don't like about his friend's activity he freaks out. According to other people I'm a beautiful lady and I was a model. I can easily make lots of friends but I always wanted to have one best friend as my husband so I don't keep much contact with my friends because I want to spend more time with my husband but he is always upgrading his friends. We just got married 3 months ago for god's sake, he should have more interest in me but he has more interest in spending time with friends then having romance with me. I just hate it. I wish someone could help me. I left modeling only because he doesn't like it but he can't even stop upgrading his friends for me. I just hate it I don't know why the hell I married this guy now I can't even divorce him because I'm already hooked up in mariage for the rest of my life. He totally has no sense of romance all he did is lied to me before marriage that he will be a good husband. I hate it my advise to other women is please don't get married just make career that's it guys are all liers.

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc