Is he the father of the two existing children? Is one of them his with another woman, and does he live with you, or what?

Does he mention getting married at all?

Do you know what the risk is of haviing post-partum a second time? Is it higher than for the average person because you've already had it once?

Did this boyfriend witness you going through it?

he is the father of the two boys,one is mine,the other was with an ex girlfriend.We live together,but we fight all the time.He has mentioned marriage a few times but I don't feel like I am ready for marriage,I don't really see the point I mean we live together,we have a child together,right now all marriage is to me is a piece of paper and a couple thousand dollar party.
I'm not sure what the risk is for having post partum again,but for me 0.000005% risk is too much.I can't do it again without family around me.
My boyfriend actually slept through the labor,he slept right beside my bed though.I don't think he knew that I was suffering from post partum,he's hardly ever home and I am not too much of an emotional talker.

First of all, I would not even consider another child until you are married. It is too much of a finacial risk. (Unless laws are very different than in the IU.S.)

Second, your bf really needs to understand the horror you suffered.

Why would the financial risks be greater for unmarried mothers?
I live in Canada,and from what I have heard,common-law marriage and actual marriage are pretty much the same when it comes to children being involved.I'm not entirely sure,I'll have to look it up though.I know that if anything were to happen he would be forced to pay child support because it is his child and he has parental responsibility.Just like he is paying child support for his first son.

How long do you have to be together for your relationship to be considered "common-law marriage"?

I believe it's 3 years for a childless couple,but automatically called common law if there is a child involved

If he's trying to "trick" you into getting pregnant against your wishes, maybe it's time to pack up the relationship. I only say that because if he truly loved and respected you, he wouldn't force this on you. Combined with the fact that you two are fighting all the time... maybe this is a sign that you aren't meant to be together.

I've been with my husband for 9 and a half years (married for 3 and a half) and I've wanted a baby with him for probably 5 years or so. He wasn't ready until 2005, and I didn't push it. When he was ready, WE were ready. It wouldn't have been fair to him to force fatherhood on him, and it wouldn't have been fair to our child.

Be firm with him (which is exactly what you're doing - good for you!) and know that love and respect go hand in hand. He's not being very respectful right now.

I made this for you. I'm not exactly sure what the difference is between U.S. and Canada, but these are a guideline:

MARRIAGE Compared to

COHABITATION (Living Together)



MARRIAGE
Marriage requirements -- which vary

from state to state -- include a license,

a waiting period, blood tests,

minimum ages, a ceremony officiated

by a clergyperson or an officer of the

court, and witnesses.

COHABITATION (Living Together)
Cohabitation can be entered into any

time, by anybody of any age and any

gender, with no formal requirements.


MARRIAGE
Marriage must be ended by a formal,

legal divorce or annulment process

that can be costly, time consuming,

complicated, and emotionally

draining.

COHABITATION (Living

Together)At the end of a cohabitation

relationship, the parties can usually

divide property however they wish.

However, the absence of legal

guidelines may create even more

conflict as to who gets what.



MARRIAGE
Divorcing spouses have the obligation

to divide their property by legally

prescribed methods.

COHABITATION (Living Together)
Usually can be ended simply and

informally upon the agreement of the

parties. Often, however, the emotional

costs are the same as or similar to

those experienced at the end of a

marriage.


MARRIAGE
A higher-wage-earning spouse may

have the obligation to provide

financial support for the other spouse

upon separation or divorce.

COHABITATION (Living Together)
Couples who live together and then

split up usually do not incur the

obligation to support each other after

the break-up, unless they have entered

into a contract providing otherwise.

While this may seem a boon to the

supporting partner, a partner who has

become accustomed to being

supported may face unexpected

financial hardship after the split.





MARRIAGE
If one spouse becomes ill or

incompetent, the other spouse

generally has the right to make

decisions on the ill spouse's behalf,

on issues including health care and

finances.

COHABITATION (Living Together)
No matter how close the bond or how

long the relationship has existed, a

cohabitant may need to defer to

immediate family members when it

comes to making decisions for an ill

or incompetent unmarried partner,

unless a general power of attorney or

health care power of attorney give that

authority to the cohabitating partner.


MARRIAGE
When one spouse dies, the other

spouse has the legal right to inherit a

portion of the deceased spouse's

estate.
COHABITATION (Living Together)
When one cohabitant dies, his or her

property will pass to whomever is

named in the will or, if there is no will,

to family members according to state

laws. The surviving partner has no

claim to the estate unless he or she

was named in the deceased partner's

will.






MARRIAGE
Children born during the marriage are

presumed to be the offspring of the

husband and wife.
COHABITATION (Living Together)
The father of a child born to

unmarried cohabitants is not entitled

to a legal presumption of paternity,

and may have to establish his paternity

through blood tests and a legal action.



MARRIAGE
Children born to married couples

must be financially supported during

the marriage.

COHABITATION (Living Together)
The male in a cohabitating partnership

does not incur an immediate legal

obligation to support children born

during the cohabitation, but may do

so voluntarily (and MUST do so if

paternity is established).


MARRIAGE
After separation or divorce, the non-

custodial parent generally is legally

obligated to help financially support

the children of the marriage.


COHABITATION (Living Together)
After a cohabitating relationship ends,

the non-custodial parent has the same

legal obligation to support his or her

children as legally separated or

divorced parents, if parentage has

been established.



http://family.findlaw.com/marriage/livi

ng-together/cohabitation-

comparison.html

For England, Wales, and Northern Ireland, please see this source:

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family _parent/family/cohabitation_and_marriage_l egal_differences.htm

Here is another way to look at it:

10 Reasons Men

Won't Commit

Reason 1: Men can get sex without

marriage more easily than in times

past. The men reported that meeting

women is easy: at bars, through

friends, at work, and on the Internet.

Though men want to become friends

with a woman before becoming

seriously involved, casual sex, they

said, is easy to come by (Tell me

something we don't know).
Reason 2: Men can enjoy the benefits

of having a wife by cohabiting rather

than marrying. Men think living

together is a good way to test out a

marriage prospect. They also view

living together as less risky than

marriage. At the same time, the men in

the study like the convenience of

having a regular sex partner. And

several said they appreciate the

domestic benefits of cohabitation, and

the ability to share expenses, but

thought marriage unnecessary at this

point in life (JUST as I suspected).

Reason 3: Men want to avoid divorce

and its financial risks. Men feel that

their financial assets are better

protected if they cohabit rather than

marry. They also fear that an ex-wife

will take financial advantage during

settlement proceedings (Women will

only milk you for all you've got if you

cheat on them. So don't cheat on

them and you'll be set).

Reason 4: Men want to wait until they

are older to have children. Although

men understand that women worry

about their biological clocks, they say

they don't have to. And they don't

want to be pressured into marriage by

women who want marriage in order to

have children (That's a pile of crap.

Who says all women have baby fever?

And if a woman these days really

wants a baby THAT bad, she's better

off going to a sperm bank. Women

don't actually need marriage for that

anymore).

Reason 5: Men fear that marriage will

require too many changes and

compromises. The men savor their

freedom to enjoy hobbies, late nights

out and freedom from extra financial

burdens. They want to postpone

absorbing extra responsibilities until

they are on extra-solid footing in a

number of areas (Does anyone

REALLY want extra

responsibilities?).

Reason 6: Men are waiting for the

perfect soul mate and she hasn't yet

appeared. A soul mate, the men said,

is a woman who accepts them just as

they are and won't try to change them.

The men said they don't want to settle

for second-best. In some cases, the

men even said they were living with a

woman who was their version of a

second-best partner. These men are

continuing to hunt for the perfect soul

mate (could explain a lot).

Reason 7: Men face few social

pressures to marry. Today's young

men encounter few traditional

pressures from religion, employers or

society to marry. Some said they have

been mildly teased from parents who

want grandchildren, but most of the

men said their parents are willing to

help support them -- and even allow

them to move back home -- until they

are ready to marry (Which would

explain why so many bloody men live

with their parents).

Reason 8: Men are reluctant to marry

a woman who already has children.

Men said they feel badly if they

establish a relationship with the

children of a woman and then break

up with the mother. They also want to

avoid competition and conflict with

the children's biological father. One

man says that it is easier to date a

woman with children if the father is

entirely out of the picture (I guess this

just speaks for itself, though its

surprising how many single mums

there are out there...so in that respect,

I guess it kinda sucks).

Reason 9: They want to own a house

before they get a wife. Men want to be

financially "set" before they marry.

For many men, this means home

ownership should come before

marriage. Most of the men interviewed

are living with a parent, relative,

roommates or girlfriends (Meanwhile

its the single women like me who are

buying up the property).

Reason 10: Men want to enjoy a single

life as long as they can. Men fear

losing their solitary pleasures by

marrying, the study found. And they

become accustomed to their own

space and routines. They enjoy the

freedom of not having to be

responsible to anyone else (Oh, and

women don't?).

And then this from a survey they

asked men nationwide (this being the

States but I'm sure it applies to

Canada too):

A wise man says: "It is no surprise

that young men are unwilling to

commit to marry when their partners

are willing to live with them and

provide sexual and domestic services.

The old and crude adage is still true:

'Why buy the cow when you can get

the milk for free?'"

All I have to say to that is, Ah Ha!

Bingo.

And this woman agrees:
"I have lived with my boyfriend for

eight years. We share everything, but

he will not take that last step and get

married. If something was to happen

to him today, I would be out in the

cold. I have helped him establish a

home, fixed it up, and take care of it,

but my name is nowhere on anything."

OR

Maybe a lot of us agree with this

young lady:
"The article 'Afraid to Commit: Young

Men Want to Wait on Marriage'

makes all women sound like they are

desperate to "hook" a man! It

insinuates that this is all women live

for and men have total reign over this.

Please get with the times! "

I'll end on that note.

I'd leave him to be 100% honest. He is a horrible person and you deserve MUCH better.

futureshock,I think the only way that marriage would help me is if I was the type of person who would want to collect alimony in a divorce.In my opinion,the man should not have to support the woman(or vice versa)after the marriage is over.I think that is the silliest thing ever,I think that regardless of marriage or not,if the child is yours and you don't have custody you pay.That should be the only reason a man/woman pays the ex-spouse anything.
And my boyfriend does want to get married,I'm the one who doesn't,so obviously all that talk about the men saying why buy the cow if you get the milk for free doesn't apply to him.
But I appreciate your responses,they are informative.

It is your decision! And how is he going to trick you if your still taking your hidden BC? It sounds like you both need to sit down and talk about this and other things. If you can't have a good relationship there is no way you are going to feel comfortable going through all that again and it's not good for the child. He needs to understand that maybe sometime you'll be ready but just not now. I totally understand I was young when I had my kids, I'm 25 now and would like another but my husband says a boy and a girl is good! So we probably won't have another, I have to respect that! I have 2 healthy children and would never "trick" that is very low! Live your life and be happy in the place you are now! Hope it all goes well!!