I've seen a lot of people claiming that their spiritual awakening has helped them achieve sobriety. That you HAVE to work the steps or you're bound to fail. But for anyone else out there who questions, is agnostic or atheist, I want to share what has worked for me so far. I'm a person who questions everything. I don't pray and I claim no higher power. Whatever has kept me sober these last two months has been of my own accord. I was scared, never alone and I knew that alcohol had a grip on my addictive prone brain that would drive my family away and then me to death. AA is driving me crazy lately. I can't stand the religious jibber jabber about God and how his healing hands have reached out to touch alcoholics everywhere through AA. Well, if I'm "healed" of my alcoholism, why can't I sit down and have A, as in ONE, drink during the hockey game tonight? Because I am an alcoholic and somewhere in my brain/body chemistry, I need to have more. It's not because a higher power or a prayer has kept me from drinking or drove me to drink. I will admit however that some steps of AA are worth examining and using to help those of us who don't accept a definite higher power.
First admitting that we are powerless to alcohol does not take a higher power. WE have to admit that to ourselves. WE have to come to that realization even if everyone around us has seen it for years. If you need a place to start as I did, this is it. AA will help you realize you aren't alone. You may find someone who shares your beliefs(or lack of) but odds are, you won't. Because most people really need the comfort that someone "up there" is listening and helping. For some, it's just too painful to give up the drink and find themselves alone. So I worked step one. Most of the asking the higher power for forgiveness, giving ourselves over and asking "HIM" to remove our short comings are just not possible for me. If there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that I AM IN CHARGE OF IT. I'm on a large rock spinning around a big ball of gas. There's genocide, disease, poverty and war because of man's willful ignorance, yet please forgive me and remove MY shortcomings or deficiency's because I'm all important in this blip of a human time span. I'm not saying that we in our own way aren't important, but I don't buy that one human being is more important than another simply because they pray or have a "superior" religion. That's what I've been seeing at AA lately. I found another meeting and it was worse that what I had been attending. maybe it was the topic about higher powers or maybe it was the Jesus talk that I couldn't handle. Had I accepted the Lord Jesus as my Saviour? Uh, no. I was cornered. Was I at an AA meeting or recruitment meeting? I thought all I had to do was have a desire to quit drinking. What happened to that? I had to leave early and I've NEVER left a meeting early. I always stay even through prayers and holding hands and hugs. I know it doesn't sound like I keep an open mind, but I'm always willing to listen until you tell me I'm going to hell or I won't maintain my sobriety unless I pray and give it up to the good lord above. We may have a commonality of alcoholism, but everyone's recovery is different. Intentions may be good and I can appreciate that but I need those who continue to push, to accept my no thank you and realize they are pushing me away from AA. Right now, I'm dread the meetings. Where I used to find comfort in commonality, I finding scorn because I haven't accepted my higher power yet...whatever, It's frustrating and certainly NOT what the recovering alcoholic needs.
I don't miss alcohol right now. I know what I did to my family and I know how horrible I felt. I may not have been sober for a full year, but I've been consciously battling the"demon rum" for a good 14 months. For any women out there, I suggest Susan Powter's book and how she dealt with her alcoholism. It's helped me. I also did a lot of reading and research on the subject. Knowledge is the key to sobriety for me, not prayer. And I respect anyone that accepts their higher power and is firm in their beliefs, just don't try to convert me and let me accept sobriety as mine.