How to help Dads who's self-destructive and alcoholic ? Posted: 11-10-07 01:11am
I'm going to attempt to describe this
situation as well as I can, it's
complicated and I'm bound to leave out
many important details but here it goes.
My dad has been an alcoholic for 12+
years. He's 54 years old and he's
overweight.
About 8 years ago he had open heart
surgery (6 way bypass). Sometime after
that he became depressed and started
having panic/anxiety attacks, which I
understand is fairly common after a major
surgery. He wound up being put on and
taken off off several medications for
depression, bi-polar disorder and
seizures. He was given Xanax (among other
drugs) by a Psychiatrist about two years
ago which he became addicted to. He
stopped taking the Xanax about a year ago
and had (or claimed) withdrawals for a
year afterward which caused even more
severe anxiety.
While on all of these drugs he was
drinking heavily.
About four years ago he retired and has
since done practically nothing but sit in
his basement, drink beer, smoke cigarettes
and watch t.v.
Over the past year or two he has gotten
worse. He gets much more drunk or appears
much more drunk from far less alcohol than
it would have taken four year ago.
He started falling randomly and convulsing
even when he's not drunk. He was tested
and had whatever scans would be standard
when something like that happens and they
found nothing wrong.
He has lost control of his bowels several
times that I know of and many others I
don't, once walking to the store to buy
more beer a block away from out house. The
neighbor complained.
He wakes in the middle of the night and
sits in his kitchen and eats huge
quantities of food and he isn't aware he
had done it the next day.
Sometimes he will not remember things he
did hours ago and once a week he will talk
about something that never happened.
In the past three weeks my mom realized he
has stolen all of her jewelry (Including
her first wedding ring from him and his
wedding ring) and pawned it to buy beer.
He stole my kid sisters change jar, he
pawned many of his tools, etc. This was
completely beyond what I ever thought he
was capable of doing.
In the morning when he hasn't had anything
to drink he is usually fairly lucid and if
you try to discuss how he feels, or what
he has done he skirts around it or stays
silent and it's incredibly frustrating and
sad.
He has been to rehab three times in the
past year and a half and each time came
home and went to buy beer the same day.
He isn't verbally or physically abusive.
I could give hundreds of other accounts of
of things he has done but I think I have
probably gotten that point across.
The reason I'm writing this is because my
mom has finally decided to divorce him. He
plans on living in their cottage about 250
miles away. If he moves there alone I
can't help but think he will be dead with
a year or two. He will drink himself to
death or crash his truck and maybe kill
someone else in the process. (My mother
took his keys and refused to give them
back several months ago after she got home
from work and found him drunk backing his
truck into my car repeatedly trying to go
buy beer.)
Today he said he wasn't feeling well and
tonight he didn't drink or smoke all night
(HIGHLY unusual). Then he said he was
"seeing ribbons", hallucinating, and he
was laughing and smiling but actually
acting rather normal otherwise. It was
bizarre. My mom took his blood pressure
and it was high earlier and them back to
normal later, she wanted to take him to
the emergency room but he refused.
Here is a last of the drugs he is
currently prescribed:
This first one I think was recent:
Benzopine MES 1Mg (Take one, twice daily
as needed, substitute for Cogentin)
Gabapentin 300MG capsule TEV (Take two,
three times daily)
Geodon 80MG capslue ROE (Take one, three
times daily)
Seroquel 100MG tablet ZEN (Take one in
morning and one at night)
Simvastian 20MG tablet TEV (Take one
tablet at bed time)
Sertraline HCL 100MG tablet TEV (Take one
tablet, twice a day, substituted for
Zoloft)
Carvedilol 25MG tablet MYL (Take one
tablet, twice daily)
Lisinopril 20MG tablet SAN (Take one a
day)
Vytorin 10/20 tablet M/S (Take one a
day)
Plavax 75 MG tablet BRI (Take one a day)
Cozaar 50MG tablet MSD (Take one a day)
Zetia 10 MG tablet M/S (Take one a bed
time)
He also takes aspirin everyday.
And drinks.
His doctors know he's an alcoholic.
I'm begging for professional help here,
suggestions, advice, anything.
Thank you,
Joe
|
PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posted: 11-10-07 19:11pm
First you should go to an AL Anon meeting.
You are not responsible nor can you
control his behavior. That's all I can
suggest right now. You know your Dad
better than anyone on this site and anyone
who is an addict knows that as much as you
want to help him, he has to realize this
himself.
I can't believe all the medication he's
on. Health care is critical and he may
need to detox, but it sounds like a really
complicated situation and he should be in
a health facility under the care of
professionals. If is he as bad as it
sounds, then you make phone calls to
providers and see what you can do.
Fortunately, my husband did that for me,
and it's changed my world. Get help for
yourself and your dad, but know that it's
not your fault and you can find support
online even if you can't find a Al Anon
meeting.