It never occurred to me that I might be
addicted to love. But then Marty Klein, a
sex therapist in Palo Alto, Calif., and
author of the book "America’s War on
Sex," asked me to take a Web screening
test created by Patrick Carnes, the
best-known popularizer of the "sex addict"
idea.
I answered all the questions as honestly
as I could, but some seemed awfully vague
— "Do you often find yourself
preoccupied with sexual thoughts?" — or
rather commonplace — "Have you
subscribed to or regularly purchased or
rented sexually explicit materials
(magazines, videos, books or online
pornography)?" But then Carnes’
definition of sex addiction itself can be
vague: "Sexual addiction is defined as any
sexually-related, compulsive behavior
which interferes with normal living and
causes severe stress on family, friends,
loved ones and one's work environment."
That may seem specific but it all depends
on how one defines "compulsive" and the
effects on others who may or may not be
disturbed by another’s sexual
proclivities.
Anyway, here is what I was told: "We have
compared your answers with people who have
been diagnosed with sex addiction. Your
answers HAVE MET a score on [the] basis of
six [of] the criteria that indicate sex
addiction is present."
Don’t feel bad, Klein told me. He often
asks professional audiences to take the
same test and a lot of them come up sex
addicts, too, which may say something
about therapists, but more, perhaps, about
the test.
In fact, though the terms "sexual
addiction" and "porn addiction" are often
bandied about, and though the famous
(including a certain former President and
many of Hollywood's leading men) are often
labeled sex addicts, neither term is a
recognized diagnosis in the DSM, the bible
of psychiatric medicine.
Experts just can't agree on whether sexual
addiction is a real problem. This week,
for instance, the Society for the
Scientific Study of Sexuality is meeting
in Indianapolis to discuss, among other
things, the topic of sexual addiction.
Some argue that there is no such thing,
and that terms like "sexual addiction" and
"porn addiction" are unhelpful at best,
dangerous at worst. The argument is not
just about word choice.
“Sexual addiction was invented by
Patrick Carnes,” Klein argues. In his
book, he labels porn and sex addiction
“ridiculous,” and says that the terms
have been used as part of an overall
strategy to demonize sexual expression by
what he calls the “sexual disaster
industry.” The goal, he believes, is to
build an aura of fear around any
activities, such as porn consumption,
homosexual sex and premarital sex, that do
not conform to the beliefs of those who
oppose those activities.
Treatment for football addiction, too?
Daniel Linz, a psychologist at the
University of California at Santa Barbara
who studies communication, law and society
with an emphasis on sexuality, largely
agrees with Klein. "We tend to call things
addictions that have unfavorable
connotations or behaviors that some in
society regard as being unacceptable. We
do not talk about Sunday afternoon
football addiction, money addiction, or a
workaholic as people who need treatment
like a cocaine addict. We tolerate a
certain level of obsessiveness. But this
is not the case with more deviant
activities. We do not approve of constant
viewing of sex. So we pathologize it."
Carnes, who has a Ph.D. in counselor
education, does pathologize deviancy. He
believes sexually addictive behaviors fall
into 10 distinct types: fantasy sex,
seductive role sex, voyeuristic sex,
exhibitionistic sex, paying for sex,
trading sex, intrusive sex, anonymous sex,
pain exchange sex and exploitive sex.
Ken McGill, director of the Gentle Path
program, a treatment center created by
Carnes (who has been on vacation and whose
office declined to make him available for
an interview, saying that McGill can speak
for him), argues that sexual addiction is
not only real, but often creates the very
same behaviors displayed by crack, heroin
or meth addicts. These behaviors lead to
habits destructive to jobs and family life
or to the creation of shame and guilt.
About 350 patients have come through the
Hattiesburg, Miss., program, he says, and
between 70 percent and 80 percent of them
"are maintaining their sobriety."
The fact that sex addiction and porn
addiction are not in the DSM is not
terribly relevant, he argues, because
"addiction is not in the DSM either."
Carnes argued the same thing in a 2003
article as part of a special report by the
Sexuality Information and Education
Council of the United States. "The DSM’s
system is … best viewed as a ‘work in
progress’ rather than the ‘bible' …
It condenses the criteria for addictive
disorders — such as substance abuse and
pathologic gambling — into three
elements: Loss of control (compulsivity),
continuation despite adverse consequences,
and obsession or preoccupation." For many
people, upwards of 6 percent of the U.S.
population and growing, he insists, all
three elements are present in sex
addiction.
...snip...
McGill’s own Ph.D. in psychology (he is
not currently licensed as a psychologist,
needing, he says, to complete one more
test) comes from Azusa Pacific University,
a self-described "evangelical community of
disciples and scholars who embrace the
historic Christian understanding of
Scripture." (His thesis project was the
creation of a Bible-based sex-addiction
program to serve the homeless in Los
Angeles.)
The university believes that "sexuality is
to take place within the context of a
marriage covenant between a man and a
woman and that individuals remain celibate
outside of the bond of marriage.
Therefore, we seek to cultivate a
community in which sexuality is embraced
as God-given and good and where biblical
standards of sexual behavior are upheld."
more...
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Rodge
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2006 Posts: 905 Location: , England, UK
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Posted: 11-09-07 12:57pm
Right, the guy is basically a student
whose opinion is heavily biased by his
religious beliefs, so it's... well, let's
just say his work is not as valid as it
could be.
It's possible to be 'addicted' to
activities and, like all of these things,
when it interferes with your daily life it
becomes a problem. You know, like if you
miss your child's school play because you
have to stay home and masturbate or
something.
But sex itself... well, you have to take
into consideration the university's
opinion of good sexuality. It's
restricted, to say the least. It's
possible they consider a sex addiction to
be simply doing it more than once a week,
and not being married to the person you're
doing it with.
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meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2131 Location: ,
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Posted: 11-09-07 13:05pm
They say ( who ever "they" are) that men
think about sex every 7 minutes. Don't you
think sex addiction and porn addiction
sort of go hand and hand?
I mean if a person has a hard time not
looking at the stuff all the time, doesn't
he have some sort of sexualy need he gets
from it?
And why is it that when we think about sex
additions we think of men other than
women? I do any way...
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 11-09-07 13:12pm
Anything can be mentally addictive,
including sex. I liked the comment about
football; and I'm sure everyone has heard
a story about a father who forgets to pick
up his child from school because the game
is on. I believe that is an addiction too.
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Rodge
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2006 Posts: 905 Location: , England, UK
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Posted: 11-09-07 13:12pm
Meblonde: Not really. You can be addicted
to porn without being addicted to sex.
There was a VERY unofficial study done
where a group of people went without porn
for a month (porn being defined as stuff
they masturbated to) and the women found
it just as difficult as the men, IIRC.
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007 Posts: 1557 Location: ,
Posted: 11-09-07 13:30pm
i know of a few women who i'm pretty sure
are sex addicts. people who are sex
addicts are also more prone to become
addicted to stimulants like cocaine or
speed. the reason i think they are sex
addicts is because they can't go without
it without freaking out. they put
everything secondary to it, including, in
some cases, their children. one woman i
know always has boyfriends who are about
10 years younger than she is and have
nothing in common with her other than sex.
she moves them in with her so she can
have it all the time and she has a
daughter who is 7. one of her boyfriends
died recently and she had another guy in a
couple of weeks. it's sad.
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Rodge
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2006 Posts: 905 Location: , England, UK
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Posted: 11-09-07 13:34pm
No, wait, I see what you mean.
It is sad that someone would get into so
many meaningless relationships with no
idea of how their children are affected by
the lack of consistency. I feel for the
kid.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 11-09-07 14:06pm
I think for anything to be addicting it
needs to have serious adverse effects in a
persons life. If a person can't make it
through a work shift without having sex or
masturbating then yeah, I think it's an
addiction.
People that go out and have sex with
random people, or yeah men or women who
jump from relationship to relationship
regardless of the effects that has on
their children, imo is more of a fear of
being alone situation, but I suppose it
may be an addiction to relationships and
possibly sex.
Just like an alchohoic or a person that
uses stimulants can't go a certain amount
of time without having a drink, doing a
line, or popping a pill. Someone that
gambles can't resist the urge to bet, even
if it means they lose all their money,
their house, etc.
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Rodge
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2006 Posts: 905 Location: , England, UK
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Posted: 11-09-07 14:10pm
I think gambling addicts are addicted to
the possibility of winning- sure, they're
pretty deep in debt now, but what if they
win the next round? All their financial
problems will be over! But they
don't.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 11-09-07 14:21pm
Rodge
wrote:
I think gambling addicts are
addicted to the possibility of winning-
sure, they're pretty deep in debt now, but
what if they win the next round? All their
financial problems will be over! But they
don't.
I know a lady whose husband (ex now)
borrowed against the equity on their home
$30,000 over a summer to support his
gambling. He was always looking for the
"big payoff". He never got it. She had
no idea what he was doing until the bank
started calling because payments were not
being made. Hence why he's now the ex!
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Birch
Moderator
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4044 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 142
Thanked:13
Posted: 11-09-07 18:15pm
Mommy35
wrote:
I think for anything to be addicting
it needs to have serious adverse effects
in a persons life. If a person
can't make it through a work shift without
having sex or masturbating then yeah, I
think it's an addiction.
People that go out and have sex with
random people, or yeah men or women who
jump from relationship to relationship
regardless of the effects that has on
their children, imo is more of a fear of
being alone situation, but I suppose it
may be an addiction to relationships and
possibly sex.
Just like an alchohoic or a person that
uses stimulants can't go a certain amount
of time without having a drink, doing a
line, or popping a pill. Someone that
gambles can't resist the urge to bet, even
if it means they lose all their money,
their house,
etc.
That is the key. It has to impair social
and/or occupational functioning.