My name is Mary and I just turned 22 in August. I guess not long after that I started feeling 'different' -- Anyways, I was looking up some of the symptoms of schizophrenia and they are similar to what I've been going through. I've only been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression, but one again lately it's been different and I feel almost disabled because of it.

My mom tells me that I worry too much... I constantly worry about whether someone is okay while they are out and about-- I worry about them dying. I'm afraid of dying and afraid of choking on pills(ya its dumb, but I can't take them notmatter how hard I try). I'm constantly paranoid when it comes to people and their motives. I would consider myself socially retarded, but I still have afew close friends and have recently found myself withdrawing myself from them. I have to force myself to come out of the comfort of my own room. I go through periods of not sleeping for days and then sleeping for almost 2 days strait(prolly a symptom of my depression).

I often keep my thoughts to myself so people don't think I'm crazy or something, but there are certain songs that people tell me about and I irrationally think that they are trying to tell me something through the song. I've been to quite afew psychics also and I'm constantly joking with people about how I'm psychic.(only sometimes I really think I could be--I know! I'm a freak!) Every once in awhile something will be on TV, lets say a zombie movie and I will smell rotting flesh from the zombies and I actually gagged because of it. I don't know if that happens to everyone or not, but if it does they don't talk about it. Have you ever seen The Grudge? Well thats another thing that set me over the edge tonight with this whole thing was that I saw that ghost in my garage and it scared me to death. I was just waiting for it to come after me, but it didn't and went away ... that's never happened to me before. Well, nothing big like that, but I have seen bugs or specks on the wall that wern't really there before, but I think thats kinda normal? I don't know what to think of all this.

I never stop thinking. My thoughts are never ending and sometimes are extremely negative and I feel like the only way they'd stop is if I were dead. I'd never commit suicide because I feel like thats an act of selfishness, but I have thought about it in the past.

Oh, and does it have anything to do with a monotone voice? Other people and myself have notices a slight change in my voice as well, and it sounds like I'm boring or like a robot kinda. I don't really know how to explain it...

Also, a weird thing my brother said to me: "You live in a fantasy world." I don't like negative things so I try to avoid them the best I can.

I know I prolly didn't post it all ... I just need to know what you think, cuz if it is schizophrenia I really don't want it to get worse -- if it would? If it is can it go away on its own?