I hope so for her sake

I have moved away from my father my parents have been divorced since I was 3 I have lived with my mom since then and see my dad on visits he does live in the same town. But I have got out beyond this town I went to college with lots of African Americans it did not bother me at all and my sister who is in college like all her friends are black and I like them just fine.

Thanks I like what you have to say. I did talk to my boyfriend last night about it all. He said he gets why I am afraid I would feel that way mostly why I wonder about not loving the baby as much and stuff is because my boyfriends dad went threw a lot with not loving him as much or wanting to be seen with him and I'm afraid I would do the same thing and I don't want to do that to my kid cuz I know how much damage that did to my boyfriend. I do love my boyfriend very much and I don't want to lose him. I did not even question the whole thing about our children until his parents brought the topic up and they did not know I might be pregnant and it was a bad time to be telling me all that stuff I dont want to do what they have done to my boyfriend to my kid.

so basically youre dating and having sex someone whom you don't love or for that matter are racist against. Grrr i am so fed up of these ignorant stupid little kids!!!!!!

I know how it feels to date a guy thats not white and your parents hate them. the only boyfriends my parents really ever disliked were my boyfriends that were black, or hispanic. if you havent guessed i am not prejudiced, i have never seen anything wrong with being any color or from any race. my parents were constantly mad at me or giving me the silent treatment because of my feeling toward these boys and 1 girl. they would cry sometimes and they would get angry. (i dont want to get pregnant right now) thankfully i didnt get pregnant when i was any of them. i was alsway safe and i was on BCP and used condoms. though because my cousin married a black man and had the cutest little girl Kendal-Jazz (i adore that name) i know what my families reaction would have been. anger, confusion, outrage, all irrational and childish. if i must i will say it "A PERSON IS A PERSON NO MATTER HOW SMALL." no matter how big... no matter how tall. thanks again horton the elephant. it doesnt matter how you look or what color your skin is, what matters is a persons heart... and youll be surprised by how big it really is.

i think though it may be a fear that your familys dislike towards people who are not white, may be reflected in the way you would treat and look at your baby. i am sure that if you were indeed pregnant (ill back everyone else up and say take a test and be sure) that when you had the child you would look at it and love it not matter what. love is strange that way... you cant really stop it and you dont know how it works, it just does. im sure there are many girls who ask themselves "will i love my baby even though..." it ended my highschool career, is mixed, i wasnt ready. what ever it is... intime youll see just how much you really do love your baby.

and for help with your family i told them to stop acting like they were in the civil war and to accept the fact all people are equal when it comes to color, noone is more superior. and i reminded them that the holocaust was a result of ignorance and hatered towards jews and black and disabled alike.... that because of one mans hatred lives were destroyed and the world was turned upside down. my parents finally took a step back and realized how much hatred in our past (we are jewish) was due to ignorance and stupidity and finally gave them a chance and learned to like them.

No I love him very much and the fact that he is black has never bothered me at all neither did having kids with him until his dad started talking about how hard it was to accept my boyfriend as his kid cuz he was black and then I thought if his dad had a hard time accepting him is it possible that I could have a hard time accepting our kids.

Thanks that really helps. I love my boyfriend so much we actually have a pretty cool story of how we came together and just the fact that we did is so cool I could not imagine not having him in my life but when his parents started talking about how hard it was to have a mixed child and how long it took his dad to accept him it just made me freak out to think that his dad did not love him rite away and I know how it affected my bf because he knew his dad did not accept him that I just could not bear to do that to my kids but I do think your rite Id love it anyway.

oh please just shut up....u dont make sense...anyone who has a hard time accepting his own child is a effin racist...get over yourself and grow up

When I was a child I was afraid of having children because I was so mistreated by my step-mother, I was afraid I would do that to my children. Time and experience help those thoughts go away.

She does make sense. She is being completely honest and expressing her real fears. Just because we know logically racism is bad and irrational doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Fear about what? someone elses ignorance? does she have a brain of her own? please, my tolerance on racism is a big FAT 0...if she needs to ask this then she should not be with a mixed guy nor should she ever have a child with him or anyone of color...

i think being afraid is natural. i know mothers are afraid of many things irrational and rational alike. but it could be that your just afraid that you might not love him or her because of your parents hatred or his father. but if you really are pregnant then im sure you will find as the months go on how much you really love it, even if youve never seen his or her face, touched them. you'll find that it doesnt matter so much because you'll love him or her anyways.

glad i could be of some help

i think its perfectly fine to be afraid of something. no matter how irrational it is, im heart stopping afraid of E.T. and the lucky charms guy, and yes im serious. but i know they dont exist in reality yet im still afraid. these are things that dont exist but are legitimate anyways- to me. its ok to be afraid of turning out liek your parents, especially if it a quality you dont like you just have to realize thats not you.

no its not ok to fear this sorta of stuff.. it slike sying"i love my black bf but im not sure if i will love my child from him because its half balck....THEREFORE YOU DO NOT LOVE YOUR BLACK BF...period!

The bottom line is if you accept your boyfriend and love him then you should have no problem accepting a child from him if in fact you are intimate with him when knowing that pregnancy is possibel if one is having sex.

You don't have to defend your honnor or explain what you meant. Racism is a tough issue and yes it still exist today in the old and the young but there are those of us that would like to put racism behind us but yet realize that the world is so diverse that it may not be possible. I am not a prejudice person at all. My sister is married to a white man and they have a child together and I love him like a brother because he is apart of my life now too. To accept others regardless of their race, religion, or ethnic background is to have a huge heart and that my dear can only come from the blessing of the Lord.

If someone in your family is racist it does not mean you have to follow in their footsteps. You are your own person and you can make your own choices. I am not upset with you because I realize that you are young and you are still finding yourself... How old are you? I am 23 years old and 24 weeks pregnant and engaged to a hispanic. Racism is not an issue in my life and I will not teach my children that.

JayJaY, I understand that you would fear your parents not accepting your child but you yourself I would think would cherish and love your child no matter what. Don't prove to us that you don't have an issue with color but prove to yourself because you are the one that is dating a "Mixed" young man that loves you for who you are. Don't hurt him. Please

It's hard to tell somebody not to fear something. They either do or they don't. I am afraid of flying, and no matter what someone else says to me, that fear doesn't go away.

JayJay's fear will subside on it's own, and in it's own time.

That is why I said that she needs to take this time to find herself.

i dont think she means what your making her say. i think shes just affraid of treating her baby the way his father treated him and treating her baby in a bad way because of the people around her.

when i was younger my dad wasnt the best parent my mom really was a lot better and my dad would do plenty of things that he shouldnt have done and said many things he should should never have said. im very hot temperd like my father, we are both stubborn. i see so many qualities in him that i can find in myself. andbecause of that i was always affraid will i turn out like him? will i scream and yell and throw things, hit and threaten my family when i have one? i dont think i will because i dont want to. you have a choice once you realize it. maybe she saw some qualities in her self that she saw in these people, and didnt want to be like them.

im adopted so i figure my parents just rubbed off on me, that from living with them i began to act like them (the monkey see monkey do thing), but if you find somethign that terrifies you in your birth parents, id assume that would make you even more afraid more permanent. like maybe you cant get it to go away? my parents dont like people who arent jewish and white and basically like them, but im not them im not like them. the fact they feel this way i think doesnt make them bad people, my father grew up during WWII and hes jewish so has much of my extended family, my family though never acts on these prejudices and they re just wary... sure i think they are just being ignorant and nto accepting the fact that there really is no difference between people of color people of other races and people who they approve of. but the thing is where they are like that i am not, because i realized i had a choice and that i am not them i can make my own choice and not be like them. she just has to find out that shes nto like them that it is ok to be afraid of being liek them. fears are fears most are irrational, but you can always move on past them it just takes time.

Thanks that is exactly what I ment I afraid of treating my child the way his father treated him I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being "mixed" I love him and having kids with him never bothered me until his father started sharing his issues he had with not being able to accept my bf as his kid because of his color it was not an issue for his father before they had my bf and im just afraid that it will be an issue then when we have children and I don't want to do that to my kid cuz I have seen the damage it has done to my bf. The whole color thing was not an issue till his father started sharing this not knowing that I might be pregnant and it freaked me out more I already have plenty of fears about having children b/c of my childhood.

I am 20 and hes 21. I think your rite I am not his father and I will not make the same mistakes and I should not freak out about them just cuz he did not accept his son b/c of color does not mean I wont accept mine I will love h/s because it will be mine and there is no way I could not love it besides the fact that our kids would have to be adorable. I really love my b.f and the last thing I want to do is hurt him he treats me so well I just don't deserve it.