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Q: Im Addicted to Being Addicted And Need Help!

asked by: abusingNstrugles on November 8th, 2007

New User

Hi, I am a 36 year old mother of 4 children, age's ranging from 19 - 2. I cant remember a time in my life, since age 15 when I wasn't using any type of drug. Its been 21 years now since I started struggling with my alcohol abuse. I have been on 1 mg, 3 times daily of xanax for 12 years now, but for the last 2 years its been prescribed for 4 times a day. I have been on and off vicodin, lortab and darvocet, since 2000. Now I was put on ritalin, 20 mgs 3 times a day. I am now a recovering alcoholic, I have not drank now in 1 year 11 months. I have tried to stop taking xanax many times with no sucesss, withdrawls are just to bad to handle. So I still take those, most of the time abusing them, taking more than I should. The "painkillers" when Im on them, I also abuse. I wouldn't consider myself to be addicted to them yet as I can stop taking them with no problems so far. I though my addiction and recovery from alcohol was the worst thing ever, I never imagined being addicted to a drug that has completely taken control over every part of my life like ritalin has now for the past 4 months. I now crush and snort the ritalin, I do this many times a day, probably going through at least 10 a day, when I run out, I have a "friend" I buy them off of. So running out of ritalin every month is not a problem for me. There are days I do too much I get paranoid, real shaky and start to have panic attacks, so I take my xanax to get back down, then start all over again. I have tried to quit, I went 2 days without and it was pure misery, I felt like I was going to die. I didn't realize just how bad I am addicted to ritalin. I hate doing it, it makes me sick now, I dont enjoy the feeling anymore but yet I cant stop. I no im in trouble with this drug, I have to stop, I no the end result will not be good if I dont. I am too ashamed to tell my family about this, I dont no what to do anymore. Has any one beat this drug addiction, or going through a addiction, could anyone send advice? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Replies(12)

shadowalker164

replied on November 8th, 2007

Experienced User

So, what are you prepared to do to get clean? If the answer is “anything” then you have a chance. If the answer is anything else, your chances just got slimmer.

AbusingNstrugles… you tell us you are a recovering alcoholic, if you recovered using the 12 steps, apply them to all your problems.

I at various times have been strung out on just about every major class of drug, and like you, I am a recovering alcoholic. I used the 12 steps, they worked for me, they might work for you as well.

Richard

rkjginkc

replied on November 17th, 2007

New User

I don't want to sound harsh and I'm sure an addiction like this is very hard but, think of your children and what it must be doing to them because, I'm sure if you're strung out you are of no help to them. A 2 year old needs their mother at all times. Who takes care of them when you are high? I adopted a child that was born addicted to crack cocaine and had to watch him go through horrible withdrawls for about 8 months so knowing how he was makes me know how you probably feel. You need to go to treatment and get help so you can be there for your babies. I'm sure your family and friends would help and support you. You have to do this for your children if nothing else. Think about them every time you think about getting high. They are precious and have to have you.
Concerned for you and your children!

abusingNstrugles

replied on November 17th, 2007

New User

Update

Its been 7 days now since I used, its not a long time, but a good start for me, I have a long road ahead of me, but I have the will to do what I have to. I have a positive attitude and all the support I need!! Very Happy

rkjginkc

replied on November 17th, 2007

New User

That's awesome. Keep up the good work. You can do it! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you need to talk, feel free to contact me.

CarolDiane

replied on November 21st, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I wish you the best of luck. Your kids need you and you need to be well for them. They should not be without a mother. Sounds like you a doing pretty good on you own. But, just know that there is help out there if you need it. This is not going to be easy for you. You sound like you have the will power to overcome though. Keep it up and keep us up to date on how you are doing. Keep a log for yourself of how many day you have been clean and sober. That will also give you some insentive.

Carrie

lwaters