My mother taught me:

my mother taught me...

To appreciate a job well done:
"if you're going to fight with each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
religion:
"you better pray that will come out of the carpet."

time travel:
"if you don't straighten up, i'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


logic :
"because I said so, that's why."

foresight:
"make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

irony:
"keep laughing and i'll give you something to cry about!"

the science of osmosis:
"shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

contortionism:
"will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

stamina:
"you'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

weather:
"it looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

how to solve physics problems:
"if I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

hypocrisy:
"if i've told you once, i've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"

the circle of life:
"i brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

behavior modification:
"stop acting like your father!"

envy:
"there are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do