If your doctor says "well its better than you killing yourself", that is very unprofessional. A doctor should be caring and listen to what you have to say. There are many different medications that treat depression, and different medications can give different people different side effects. See if switching medications helps at all. If I were you, I would get a different doctor who takes into account what you say. Depression is hard to deal with, but losing your sense of self is just as hard. I hope you are able to work things out and find a better medication that meets your needs. Good luck!