Lately my life has been complete an udder crap. I have been failing my college courses, i haven't even been to class for the past 3 weeks. I just recently moved to a new house. I broke off a friendship with my ex girlfriend of 2 years (which we broke up 5 months ago) in which we decided to be just friends, but i ended it because i can't stand the pain of not being able to be with her.
Anyways, ever since i have moved to my new house, i have been having sleep problems. I have troubles falling asleep, and when i do, i wake up atleast 2-3 times in the night recalling dreams i have had. Ive been having nightmares, and if not a nightmare a very messed up dream. There are nights where i dont even get to sleep, like today, i haven't slept. In the evenings, i will sit in my room, completely and underly down on myself, like my life is going nowhere. I can't help but think of everything wrong in my life. I procrastinate so much lately, about school work, things im going to do around my house, just anything. I honestly have lost all my friends in the past 2 years, well i shouldnt say lost, but i do not have any close relationships with anyone anymore. I am basically by myself. I am not a social butterfly, so it is very hard for me to meet new people. I am by no means a social outcast, but i am a very shy person. I sit at home at nights, waiting for my ex girlfriend to call me, or txt me, or anything to show me that she wants me back. I get nothing. There are times i will call her and ask her something, just to try and talk with her, and she will just tell me to leave her alone. I don't know what to do, between my heartbreaking relationship with her, my school going down the toilet, my sleepless nights or bad dreams, i am just so confused. I feel like there is so much expectation on me, and it is so very hard to deliver. I was the first to go to college out of 4 children, and the pressure is a lot even though my class load is easy. I have no idea what to do. I keep thinking that i need somebody to talk to, but i feel ashamed. I think to myself that i wont even be able to put forth the effort to even show up if i do infact find someone to talk to. I dont know what to do, and i dont want to tell anyone. The only person i would ever personally tell this is my ex gf, i could tell her anything. At this point, i have no idea what to do, i am absolutely clueless.......