Lately my life has been complete an udder crap. I have been failing my college courses, i haven't even been to class for the past 3 weeks. I just recently moved to a new house. I broke off a friendship with my ex girlfriend of 2 years (which we broke up 5 months ago) in which we decided to be just friends, but i ended it because i can't stand the pain of not being able to be with her.
Anyways, ever since i have moved to my new house, i have been having sleep problems. I have troubles falling asleep, and when i do, i wake up atleast 2-3 times in the night recalling dreams i have had. Ive been having nightmares, and if not a nightmare a very messed up dream. There are nights where i dont even get to sleep, like today, i haven't slept. In the evenings, i will sit in my room, completely and underly down on myself, like my life is going nowhere. I can't help but think of everything wrong in my life. I procrastinate so much lately, about school work, things im going to do around my house, just anything. I honestly have lost all my friends in the past 2 years, well i shouldnt say lost, but i do not have any close relationships with anyone anymore. I am basically by myself. I am not a social butterfly, so it is very hard for me to meet new people. I am by no means a social outcast, but i am a very shy person. I sit at home at nights, waiting for my ex girlfriend to call me, or txt me, or anything to show me that she wants me back. I get nothing. There are times i will call her and ask her something, just to try and talk with her, and she will just tell me to leave her alone. I don't know what to do, between my heartbreaking relationship with her, my school going down the toilet, my sleepless nights or bad dreams, i am just so confused. I feel like there is so much expectation on me, and it is so very hard to deliver. I was the first to go to college out of 4 children, and the pressure is a lot even though my class load is easy. I have no idea what to do. I keep thinking that i need somebody to talk to, but i feel ashamed. I think to myself that i wont even be able to put forth the effort to even show up if i do infact find someone to talk to. I dont know what to do, and i dont want to tell anyone. The only person i would ever personally tell this is my ex gf, i could tell her anything. At this point, i have no idea what to do, i am absolutely clueless.......
I read your post over twice. What I am reading is your trying get over that relationship. This can lead to everything you mentioned above. The only advice I personally can give you right now is to try and force yourself to be socialble. Go look for friends and don't wait for them to come looking for you. Go to college gatherings and social affairs etc...Friendship is not goning to come knocking on your dorm door. The only thing that is going to happen if this keeps up is you will become extreamly intraverted and you self esteem will drop fast. Already your grades are showing the fall. I is very hard to get over an important relationship and can take time. You are greeving right now and you need to try and focus on other things. If she wants you back, let her come to you. I would not beg, it sometimes has a rebound and the person backs away instead. I would just not call for awhile and try and consitrate on you future. If she does take you back, it would be nice for you to have a degree to support her if that is the case.
Give her some space for a bit. Let her miss you for change. Just try not to let this affect your future which you have strived for so long.
Do you think she is the reason I seem to be having emotional breakdowns? No matter what it is. I find anything that is a little bit said to be way over whelming. Ive been getting mad at the stupidest things lately....Its like i need someone to talk too...
Yes, I'm sorry to say. I do think she is the reason. Compiling all of the infor in you post, that seems to be the only thing other then new school, that has dramatically changed for the bad in you life. Everything else seems quite normal. I attempted suicide twice over a guy. So, I have been there myself. Don't let that happen to you please! Not worth it. You sound like an intellegant person and I am sure you can find a lady that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You need to try you best to stop dwelling on her and move on. If it were me, even if she came back to you, I would be hesitant on taking her back. Who's to say she won't pull this on you again and you down for another fall.
P.S. I was exactly your age at the time too! Very hard years to go through. Planning your life, hoping to meet the guy/girl of you dreams and maybe one day settle down. It's not an easy age by far. But, you can and will get throught it.