This is all about if you really want to stay sober or not. That's the bottom line. You are in remission now and that is the hardest part. Get to some AA meeting and follow those 12 steps to recovery. Go get that depression taken care of. There are medications for depression out there that are very begnin and last longer. Ask your physician what is best for you.

Carrie

Ms. Carrie is right--it's so so so so so rare to stay sober without some kind of support, and of course, AA is "for fun and for free." Going to meetings, reading the book, getting a sponsor, and workign the steps--you won't have TIME to be bored and seeking excitement. Why would you try to "white-knuckle it" alone when you could go be with people WHO KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR HEAD WITHOUT YOU SAYING IT and get a life you never dreamed you could have??? People who you can look at and SEE that they are like you. They have been where you've been (liek mentally and emotionally), and they will tell you--if you do what we did, you will get what we got. Period. Really--they will show you step by step how to stay sober ONE DAY AT A TIME (that's where that comes from) for the rest of your life. You won't be sitting around wishing you could get plastered for the rest of your life--because they will show you how to HAVE a life. You go there and you will find dozens of laughing, smiling people who went to work that day--and stayed all day long. They have families. They go to school. And they don't think aobut drinking all the time. It doesnt' get better than that!

Seriously. If you really want to stay sober, it's your (only) best chance. It's a choice--but you KNOW what the other side is like, and you didn't like that one, right??? My sister learned a cool way to gauge whether or not you should do soemthing while she was completing her training ot be a doctor. When they had a patient they really didn't have anythign else they could think of to do for--the standard was: Can't hurt, might help, why not try it. I've found that's a pretty good tool in making decisions about what I should do, too.

And the thing is, you would not BELIEVE the kind of cosmic truths you will learn if you do decide to actually WORK at staying sober instead of jsut HOPING you do. You'll learn pithy sayings that will BLOW YOUR MIND. like I said...won't be time to be bored.

So hey, try a meeting. If it doesn't tickle your fancy, try a different one. Keep going back. For soem people it happens right away, for others it happens after some time (ya gotta keep going), but what you will find is some calm people with laughter in their eyes who can hold a job and NOT thoughts of a drink all day...THEN you ask yourself...do I want what they have? Or do I want what I have or worse, risking going back to my drinking life? You stay there long enough, you''ll be GLAD you did.

Good luck

seefigure68,

I work with guys trying to not drink today, and that “being sober is boring” line is one I hear a lot. Compared to the chaos that was our drinking careers (I am an alcoholic too) you bet it is boring.

Things were either so funny I was falling off my bar stool, or so sad a tear ran down my cheek and into my drink. Never the middle ground, always way up or way down the sine curve.

I was told early in my sobriety, you sober up a horse thief, and you have a sober horse thief. The basic flaw in the horse thief’s makeup is still there.

If nothing changes in your life, you in all probability will go back to drinking. Most guys do. Just quitting drinking and doing nothing about the underlying issues is torture.

We treat alcohol like medicine. It makes us feel. It makes it better. It changes our outlook and it changes it fast. This world goes from some colorless, threatening existence, to a Technicolor wonderland, and it all happens inside of a drink or two.

But like you said, we never stop at just one or two, we are alcoholics, we drink!

That is the rub, how can I live in this world, and have some semblance of happiness, without my old friend?

I, like Carrie and daffodil67 went to AA and I figured out how to live sober and happy. Do yourself a favor seefigure68, stop by a meeting.

Richard

thanks guys. Its obvious that AA seems to work for people. I will give it another try. I just got discouraged with one group that I went to b/c I didn't feel like I could relate to them; they were much older, kinda looked down on me like I was "amatuer" alcoholic or something. But I think I've heard of young adult meetings in my area, I will check it out.
Thanks again everyone!

Look around for different kinds of AA meetings. I'm sure there are lists online. There are ones aimed towards younger people. I know that when my father went into a rehab center for extreme alcoholism, there were AA meetings at the center, and they were divided into groups for younger people and older people. I'm sure if you feel like you can relate more, it will help you a lot more. While you are there, see if you can get anyones phone number and make any friends. Strong support systems really help, and if you are friends with someone going through the same thing as you, it is much easier because they know what you are feeling and thinking.

“I will give it another try.” That’s the ticket my friend.
And keep stopping by here.

Richard

Shop around, I am sure you will find a group that will be right for you and welcome you with open arms. Stand tall and say "HI, my name is........and I am an alcoholic".
There out there. Ya just gonna have to find the one you feel most comfortable with and then by all means get a sponsor.

Carrie

exercise can really help with both depression and lethargy
keeping yourself fit is a great way to improve confidence and feel good about yourself also i find it hard to without music so invest in a music player if that helps! dont worry if you struggle at first you'll feel urself gradually getting fitter do a little more each night... and by the time summer comes u'll also have sexy legs to show off aint that great

so yeah , umm exercise will also help you sleep and stuff
i love to run along the seaside everynight or just sit there chilling im about your age i think although u didn't post it (18?) good luck with it pm me if u want :X

I am two months sober today. I have kept myself busy and occupied with my grad school work so I have no time to drink, but come Monday, I will be off for two months and I see that as a potential "drinking" time again! Right now, I have the confidence in myself that I'll have to find other things to keep me busy, but It's scary I used to drink because I was so bored with everything,(and I have kids and a husband who should keep me busy). I didn't go to AA expecting to work the steps, I went to listen and see other people who might be like me and gain inspiration that they've maintained sobriety and I can too. They welcomed me with open arms into their pale green smoke filled room. I changed to a non smoking meeting, same place different time of day, and I found the same exact people. People who day after day and so far, week after week tell the same story of their life and alcohol. Some have been sober for 20 years, others 2 years. And because I choose not to go everyday 2x a day, they too make me feel like an "Amateur Alcoholic" . All of a sudden, I'm not as bad as they were. Or I'm denying my higher power and I can never achieve sobriety until I do. They see me as stubborn because I won't work the steps right now. Yeah, I don't have a belief system such as they do and yet I'm told I'm walking a fine line. I know where my line is. I know what I have to do to maintain my sobriety. While I enjoyed going to the AA meetings, I need to find someplace else. I have gotten fed up with that AA group. It's crazy that I'm not "alcoholic enough" to feel like I can sit through that meeting. I'm constantly approached to discuss how I felt about my DUI's or getting a paper signed for my probation. NONE OF THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I came to the realization that I needed help and I needed to quit drinking before I was faced with those repercussions. But I am apparently "not that bad." An alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic. So I am on the quest to find another AA group or in a years time I'll start my own AA group, "Amateur Alcoholics" .
After that long rant, I say find something to keep you busy. Exercise does help, I haven't had time for it lately, but I know that's one way I'll try to keep occupied. I turned to food and coffee these last 8 weeks since I didn't have alcohol and I need to work on cutting back on those as well. I don't see a problem with video games, I play them myself. If you don't have one, go buy a Wii with the money your not spending on alcohol and get into shape with one of their exercise games. It's fun and keeps your body moving rather than plopping yourself down in a chair and not moving for 3 hours.
I think I've said enough for today. Good luck take care!

And congratulations on your first step to sobriety. You have to do what is best for youself. But, I must say that working the 12 steps is such a big part of getting sober. Making a mends is a very big one. Think about all the people you my have hurt verbally when you were drunk. Having a higher power is your choice too.
I am just proud of you for going to the meetings. You will gain alot by just going.
Start getting those chips!
Congrat's to all that have finally realized that there is more to life the the bottle and probably death. Keep up the good work and come to the real world and see what you have been missing. Some of it is not so pretty, but you will find the streangh to face it and face it with sobrieity. Good luck to all of you and you are all in my thoughts. You can do it!

Carrie

How bout some more input here gang.

PghMom, TWO MONTHS! CONGATULATIONS!

That is a long time to go with out even a little drink when no one was looking, I know. Mom, you have done something many wish they could/would do. Don’t discount your accomplishment, it is truly significant.

I know some people in the rooms can be strident. They gave me the same business when I first showed up. Always busting my chops on “Do you have a sponsor?” And “What step are you on?”

Just speaking for myself, I was hyper-tuned to hear such things. I heard them all as criticisms. I felt like I was under a microscope. Some of those negative feelings were a true reflection of what was going on, but some of it was my own self doubt, self recrimination, and just raw nerves.

Make sure you take the motives of those other people who are on your case into account. They may go at it in an in your face style, but I believe they have your best interests at heart.

Stick around long enough and you will see the heart breaking reality of this damn disease. People, good people, will chose the bottle over their families, over their health, over their sanity. I have seen it, maybe you have too. Someone shows up, they look like death eating a bologna sandwich, and they stick around for a week or two. They start getting color back into their faces, stop shaking, they start feeling better. Then one day, you just don’t see them around any more.

The reason some people are so insistent on getting someone like you into action is alcohol is like the sirens that Ulysses heard. He could not stop himself from stepping off the ship and being pulled under by that irresistible call.

His crew lashed him to the mast to save his life. The first weeks/months we are sober, we benefit from being lashed to the mast of the program. 90 meetings in 90 days, that is what they told me.

Keep looking Mom, Pittsburgh is a big place, and the right meeting (mast) is out there. Your job is to find it before the sirens convince you a drink is a good idea.

Your friend on this long strange road trip
Richard

Hey...you know, the thing is, it's the steps that get you sober, not the people.

Last week in Little Rock, AR an old black man died. He was the first black man to get sober in AA in Little Rock. That was in 1961. He said that back then they sent the white drunks to the hospital, and the black drunks to the "nut house" ( the state hospital.) When he got out, they told him to go to the AA meetings. He went for the coffee and cigarettes. I never believed he was the first black man to go, but somehow, even though the white people there largely only tolerated him (can you IMAGINE???), the steps took, he got sober, stayed sober, and eventually wrote a few books that became internationally known (The Steps We Took, no doubt available at your central office), and founded and ran a treatment facility called Serenity Park for a long time. RIP Joe McQuaney

So, yeah, you probably have more options than he did, for one thing, more to choose from (technically he had no choice.) But you also need to realize that it's the message you need. The messengers vary. Soem of them suck. Agreed. Just try to be patient and know that. Focus on YOUR side of the street...listen for the similarites. ANd Richard on here. He's a good bet!!! LOL I'm jsut sharing what I have today. He seems to spit gold every day...lol

They also tell the story of a a guy who would ride his bicycle from a town about an hour away, jsut to get some meetings.

This is the only way plus the serenity prayer to stay soberand a supporter.

The 12 Suggested Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous


We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to execpt the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things that I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


They work!

I am new to this site and i have been reading alot of post and i wanted to respond.
i know what you are going through i am going through the same thing as will only a different addiction. i am currently taking medication and it does help. I dont think that i will ever be able to quit taking meds but i feel better most of the time and i now know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. if you ever want to chat just let me know sincerly
alisha

I can relate so much to what you are going through, with all the emotions that come with this devastating disease. If only there was a magical cure to take this all away. unfortunately not. I feel the only way to really gain trust, to show another person you really do care and want to help with intentions for only the best for this person, is always be as honest as You can without causing any further pain and hurt. After reading your painful post, this is only my opinion, it does sound to me you have already relapsed in your mind and sound like its just a matter of time now before you use. Please to not get discouraged by this, as a part of recovery is relapses. If you do relapse, dont beat yourself up, dont look back, but look forward, its a new day and a new start for yourself. You have to find out what works for you, something that works for one person doesn't mean it will work for you, all we can do is give you advice on what has worked for us, thoughts that could help you, and offer all the support you need. I no all to well how this drug can completely destroy you, strip you of all your self esteem and self-respect, cause tradgedys that you no you can never get back, and realizing it could of been avoided if you stopped using before it went that far. For some people thats what it takes. Me for one, it took the death of my husband, for my younger brother, it took the death of his baby girl, she was just 6 weeks old, for, my husband it took his own death, I could keep going on with just what it took for my family, but I think I proved just how devastating it could end. it doesnt have to be that way. Find what works for you, your triggers, people, music. dont get in that trap thinking you can keep this under control, and just have 1, it may work for awhile, but most likely it will turn the same only getting a little worse each time. I will have you in my prayers, if you ever need to talk, or just vent Im here for you.

I am a firm beleiver that telling yourself "I will not drink forever" will play tricks on your mind. Just remember that "NOW IS NOT THE TIME". When will be? I don't know, when you care about alchohol as much as you care about getting a job. I'm not saying that you should drink in the future, I'm just saying to recognize that now is not a good time to start. Just don't. KEEP HOLDING OUT!!! Make your family and freinds proud. Soon, the ones who were so worried about you will be threatened by the fact that they are now in fact in worse shape than you. Soon, they may even want you to drink with them. KEEP GOING and TAKE CHARGE OF EVERY DAY! Don't let anything take charge of you.

I hope the people and things you are surrounded by are good. Keep them around, they will keep you alive. Don't play tricks on your mind or you will set yourself up for failure. You may see old friends, but don't let the nostalgia get to you. Satan comes dressed as a beautiful woman, don't be seduced by good times and great oldies. LOOK FORWARD TO A GOOD FUTURE! Don't think about not drinking because it is virtually the same as thinking about drinking. Get involved in a group or activity. Try not to fall behind, but if you do, don't get discouraged. There are many other things to get involved in.

BE GOOD MY FREIND!

--Matt