Hi, this is kind of awkward to talk about, but I need to. About a month ago my best friend (a girl) started going out with this guy who I barely knew. So, over the past month, I’ve gotten to him well. He’s told me a lot, such as how he was formerly suicidal and why he didn’t have hardly any guy friends. I’ve told him virtually everything I’ve got to tell (save my bisexuality). Well, we had a photography field trip (we’re high school freshmen, btw) and a whole big group of us were talking about putting ranch on each others tacos (yeah, we’re immature, I know). Well, afterwards we were texting and we got on the subject of masturbation after joking around about the taco thing. This sounds really dumb and kiddy but it does have meaningful points so here’s the conversation we had word-for-word:

(Note: My friend will be known as Devin. TJ is just basically one of our VERY straight, kind-of-good friends who tells us his penis is big a lot (he’s one of those guys) and whose penis I saw once.)

DEVIN:
Haha yeah. I used to do it every day. Lol back then. Now usually every other dayday at the most. I sound like a perv. Haha

ME:
No, I was WAY worse than once a day! I feel gross now that I think about it. But it was good at the time I guess. Lol.

DEVIN:
haha. Yeah. There’s nothing wrong with it. Have you ever done it with another guy? This one guy from New Mexico did it with his best friend all the time. It was… weird. Lol.

ME:
No, that’s something I definitely haven’t done. But tj’s told me he and his friend jack had done it quite a few times in the same room at the same time but they never “looked at eachother

DEVIN:
Yeah that’s basically what I meant. I did it once. But that was a long time ago.

ME:
Are you for real? There’s no way I think I could, honestly.

DEVIN:
Yeah. It was like the third grade.

ME:
For real? In third grade?? I don’t think I could even try to comprehending doing that in the third grade, let alone actually doing it.

DEVIN:
Yeah that was a long time ago.
ME:
Yeah I bet. Lol.

DEVIN:
Haha. It’s kinda gay. But I guess Todd doesn’t think that lol

ME:
Lol. Not really if you were in the third grade. But with todd it seems slightly different.

DEVIN: Yeah I know. Well, if you aren’t doing it WITH another person, but doing it by yourself, I guess you could think of it differently.

ME:
Yeah, that sound right, Lol.

DEVIN:
And todd’s dick jokes are kinda wrong.. He’s prolly the same size as everyone else. -Yeah. Doing it around another guy is different than doing it WITH another guy.

ME:
Yeah, this is top secret (obviously), but I saw it on complete accident one time, and its honestly nothing special. (and I agree with the last part, too.)

DEVIN:
Haha yeah. I know mine isn’t lol. But yeah. I guess it isn’t gay if you look at his junk.

ME:
It was such a weird accident. And he doesn’t know either.

DEVIN:
Oh wow. High self-esteem I guess. Lol.

ME:
Id say. Lol. I don’t really know if mines that special or not. I don’t have much to compare it to so im not really sure to tell you the truth. Lol.

DEVIN:
Yeah. Haha. I’m a loser. I measured mine once. Haha. Yeah. I would prolly do it around another guy but only if we were BEST friends. Haha. And if promised not to look. Haha.

ME:
Lol. Ive measured, too. I don’t quite remember how much it was, though. And I would probably do the same if the situation came up, now that I think about it.

DEVIN:
Yeah. It’s not as bad as long as nobody knew. It’s not that bad of a thing. Ppl just think it’s bad

ME:
Yeah, I know. I really don’t see why its so disgraceful, because everyone does it.

DEVIN:
Yeah I know, this prolly makes me sound like a perv, but I like it. Haha.

ME:
So do I man. It’s a real great thing.

DEVIN:
Yeah. Haha. You’re the onloy one ive felt comfortable enough to talk about this to. Lmao.

ME:
Same here, man. Lol. I mean, I get talked to about it by like kirk and todd but ive never really talked about myself. Lol.

DEVIN:
Haha yeah. Some people just immediately think youre gay. When they do it themselves.

ME:
Yeah, I know what you mean. Lol. Its annoying.

DEVIN:
Yeah. Obviously im not gay haha. I just like doing it.

ME:
Me too. As long as youre not like obsessed with it, its perfectly fine in my opinion.

DEVIN:
Yeah. Its just something you do.

ME:
And something EVERYONE does. So there’s obviously nothing wrong with it.

DEVIN:
Yeah! It’s something everyone does. Like you just said.

ME:
Modef. Lol.

DEVIN:
Haha good talk.

Now, I have SO many thoughts running through my mind. Because first of all, I’ve been crushing on this kid for weeks, and I know we’re best friend. Secondly, the fact that we’re best friend now allows me to masturbate near him, and just makes me feel awesome. All day I’ve had the feel surging through my body. It starts in my crotch, and radiates throughout my entire body.

I also have a sneaking suspension that he’s also bisexual, mainly because of my own imagination. He never has told me what his suicidal tendencies were the cause of, and I can’t help but to assume it may do with bisexuality. (But then again, this is probably all my imagination).

I just need someone to advise me on this—because I’m really not sure how to take my thoughts and feelings and everything else. So, please just tell me what you think about the whole situation. It would be greatly appreciated.