Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 5 Location: , Australia
Do I Enjoy Being Depressed? Posted: 11-05-07 22:05pm
I am 28 and have had severe depression
since I was about 13 or so. I never had
many friends in school and had my first
real boyfriend at 22. We broke up about a
year ago and I am desperately lonely. I
lost touch with the only 2 friends I had
and I dont enjoy going out so its really
hard to make new ones. A big part of me
though doesnt want to make any new
friends. I am tired all the time and dont
have the energy to maintain a friendship.
I struggle just to keep my full time job.
I feel suicidal pretty much all the time.
I was in hospital about four months ago
and was put back on meds which seemed to
help a lot - but only for a short while. I
have been back to my dr and have had the
dose increased twice and it seems to work,
but again only for a short while.
I have been told I should see a
psychologist but I just cant make myself
go. I have seen them before and the
outcome was positive but I just dont want
to go through the drama again. I am very
dismissive of the
treatment/recommendations they suggest and
get quite angry and irritated. I never
follow up on things I say I will try,
like keeping a diary. I might do it once
if Im lucky.
I think that I dont really want to get
better. I feel like nothing anyone can say
will make any difference. I feel like I
have been depressed for so long it is who
I am and suicide is the only option. If I
dont want/like the help I am offered then
I only have myself to blame. You cant make
someone get help if they dont want it.
I know I am lazy and unmotivated and
probably a waste of other people's
resources but I still cant change myself.
I am totally apathetic to everything. I
just wonder if there are other people out
there who feel the same and if they are
still alive?
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
Yes U Do. Posted: 11-17-07 01:08am
I am 53. I have had depression since I was
11. I remember being in the High Sierras,
and wishing I could throw myself into the
river. I just went through a divorce. I
had two heart attacks after the
seperation. Four months ago I had open
heart surgery. I just got demoted on my
job. My children, and grandchildren never
have anything to do with me. I have
mountain of medical bills. I am all alone
with my thoughts-except what I am doing
here.
Depression is like heroin, coacane,
tobacco. If it's the only thing that you
have that makes you feel alive, you will
want more of it. I have the same problem.
I have good reasons. But, it's never a
good excuse. I need positive experiences.
That is what you need too. Put own some
new cloths, and make-up. Go somewhere to
flirt. Bars, Dance clubs, Churchs.
They're all the same and serve the same
purpose. Only way in heck I would go to a
church is to get laid. To old for the
dance clubs. I still like the music
though. You need to discover the rewards
from the positive.
Baby, you just need a new drug. Positive
experience.
One of the best sources of positive
experiences is helping others-So I have
heard.
Based on personal experience, Not
professional,
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CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
I Hear Posted: 11-17-07 02:37am
I got so use to living in misery when I
lived with my mom and sister, I though
that was the way life was supposed to be.
But, the day she and I had an out and out
brawl and gave me a brain hemorage and
landed up in ICU for 7 days cause she
brought my blood pressure up so high I
ruptured a vain in my brain. I knew it was
time to get out of dodge. I knew I could
not get well if I stayed there.
It's pretty hard when you are so wrapped
up in the way you live. Going to be a hard
nut to crack. You are right, there are
many out there that are really just fine
living in a state of depression and really
back away from any help at all. I feel
this categorie, all you can do is be there
for them when they are ready for help. You
can force the into remission. My own
sister is so happy living a live of misery
and loving it. She is so in debt, but yet
she'll send her 16 year old son to Chicago
for a kids playing card tornament for the
weekend and the witch cause she is broke
and has to put the family food on her
credit card. I had to move out just to
keep my own sanity.
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missevonne
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 2 Location: Columbia, MO US
I Didn't Know There Were Others Just Like Me! Posted: 11-18-07 11:24am
I am 54 years old and have been depressed
since adolescence. After 26 years of
marriage I divorced 5 years ago and still
am a mess. I had to leave my antique
business and return to teaching which has
been very difficult. My 15 year old son
has many problems and lives with his
father across the country from me. I
hardly ever see him and he's not that
interested in seeing me. My twenty-one
year old daughter lives in town with her
boyfriend but doesn't want to see me
either. I have never done anything right
in my life, and try as I may, I continue
the same destructive, lonely, and
unsuccessful path. I have no social life.
I'm very afraid of approaching people
socially because I know people find me
disgusting. I have been a burden to my
parents and sisters because I have no one
else to talk to. I think about suicide
daily. I worry about how it would affect
my 78 year old mother, however. Also, I'm
afraid I couldn't even do that right and
would end up being a financially-draining
vegetable. My ex-husband absolutely hates
me and makes every effort to make my life
even more miserable. I'm not good at being
a teacher and have problems at work
getting along with my boss. I've gone back
to graduate school for financial reasons
and feel very uncomfortable in that
setting. I don't have very good social
skills, am older than everyone else, and
have had trouble being a student again at
my age.
Do I enjoy being depressed? May be I
do. Maybe it has become such a habit, I
just don't know how to be happy? That's
even more depressing.
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
It's What Makes You Feel Alive. Posted: 11-18-07 19:18pm
Ever heard of thrill seekers. They would
go out and do petentially fatal acts.
They are so close to being dead, their
life suddenly becomes a precious
commodity. I think we, (inpart) let our
lives become bad. Just so we can feel the
misery. The more we think of suicide the
more out lives have meaning. My life,
right now, seems to be without any
meaning. My goal in my life is to move
on. I need another goal. I tried when I
moved my daughter in. She has left me
alone with here abusive husband.
Your 15yr old son needs his Dad right now,
more than anything. My 13yr old can't
have that. Kids grow up to hate their
parents. Blame all their lifes ills on
you. They haven't grown up yet. When
they do, they will come back to you.
