Well, Jonny is moving here in 11 days. The
thing is, I'm not as ecstatically happy as
I should be about it.
I'm sick to DEATH of not having money. We
need over a grand for a deposit on a house
& that's just totally out of the
question from my point of view right now..
Jonny is moving here just after he gets
paid, so that's a big portion of the
deposit money (I hope), but we obviously
need money to live off, too. Plus he still
insists on smoking a pack of cigarettes a
day.
What with Jenny's birthday & Christmas
being just round the corner, I'm
struggling. I'm trying to spread the cost
of both of them, so today I bought some
things for Jonny & spent about £50,
& then got Jenny's birthday party
dress & matching cardigan. I don't
want to seem like a cheapskate mum, so the
outfit isn't part of her present. For her
birthday I got her a silver locket &
some toys, & god knows what I'm gunna
get her for xmas. Despite my total lack of
money, I always want my friends &
family to feel special & receive
thoughtful presents from me.
The point of my post (yes I know this is
getting stupidly long) is that Jonny never
spends money on me, & never has. Last
year I got a necklace for xmas but then
didn't get a birthday present or a 5 year
anniversary present (or even a card for
either of those). He proposed to me in
January, & I'm still waiting on the
ring. I chose a fairly cheap one, too..
but he still didn't go & buy it.
I'm not selfish.. I'd much rather he spent
money on Jenny than on me, but sometimes I
feel like I'm not appreciated. I know he's
moving from one end of the country to the
other to be with me, & that's why I
feel guilty for complaining.. but part of
me just wishes he'd make that extra effort
for special occasions.
Sorry, I'm probably just a bag of
hormones, & feel free to have a go at
me if you think I'm being a bitch.
I can get what your saying totally. it
seems a bit akward, jason is always buying
or letting me buy things and he never buys
himself anything, i had to buy him
clothes! He was like ah i dont need this
or that. I hate that the holidays are
always expensive or seem that way. but my
theory is as they get older make them
understand christmas isnt about gifts.
Sometimes we struggle financially and cant
afford things and it shouldnt upset our
kids or our family. If iw ere you id just
make your family and stuff home made cards
or something , or just bake them goodies
and wrap em up all pretty, Alot cheaper
then individural gifts.
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OctoberBaby06
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 4617 Location: , US
Thanks: 3
Thanked:2
Posted: 11-05-07 18:31pm
I don't think you're being a bitch
at all about this, everyone deserves to
feel appreciated from time to time!
Maybe instead of spending money on your
friends & family you can make
something for them. I'm no good with that
though, FairyGodMother always has good
gift ideas!
& don't worry if you can't get Jenny a
lot for Christmas. I'm sure she'll get
quite a bit from everyone else & she
won't know what's going on anyway! I'd
just get her clothes if she needs any,
diapers, a few small toys, whatever else
she may need!
You don't sound like a health forum.
Smoking is expensive, if he has other
financial priorities, such as putting
together money to put down on a house,
then it's silly that he's spending his
money on cigarettes.
If he can afford to buy himself so many
smokes he can afford to buy you something
(even something little, just to show he's
thinking of you) once in a while...
I don't think boys are as intune to these
things as women, because we seem to know
how to make people feel special, and
thrive on doing it.
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8901 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 171
Thanked:197
Posted: 11-05-07 18:48pm
tanyaface
wrote:
I don't think boys are as intune to these
things as women, because we seem to know
how to make people feel special, and
thrive on doing
it.
I also think women (not saying you,
Zanny!) think their men will just
know intuitively what they are
needing. - For instance, flowers or a
little token of love. But that isn't true.
Men don't know that because they aren't
thinking in that way. We can't hint at it,
we have to come right out and say, "GET ME
SOME DARNED FLOWERS ALREADY, SHEESH!"
That taking care of others thing is part
of what makes us female. And a huge part
of the difference between the sexes.
Sorry if that sounds sexist, but it is
true. Men don't know what we don't tell
them about us. We, of course, would spend
all our time analyzing him and we,
in turn, would know exactly how he wants
his coffee, eggs and toast in the morning.
But chances are, he has never even noticed
we don't eat toast. (FYI: it took my
husband 12 years -I'm not even kidding!-
to notice that I don't eat the mushrooms
on pizza. I eat mushrooms, but I don't
like it on my pizza. When he finally
noticed he was like, "Huh, when did you
start doing that?" I said, "I've done it
forever!" He argued with me and said he
never noticed it, so of course I'd always
eaten them. Pfft.)
Moral of the story: If you want something
from your partner, mate, husband,
significant other - tell him.
Also tell him if you don't like mushrooms.
Because maybe he'll start to order pizzas
WITHOUT them. I learned my lesson.
yeah, i always wanna buy jason something
nice, but then i never know what to buy
and i ask and he doesnt tell me anything
so im lost, but technically it seems
retarded since it is HIS money but still
lol. I hate the fact that he will let me
get or get me things but never gets things
for himself. Living together he needs to
get his prioritues straight . Quitting
smoking shouldnt be that hard, jason wants
to quit and i hope he does an di am gonna
as well, then thats an extra 30 bucks a
month we can use for something else, and
like he likes to go out and drink wich is
expensive to get into the club and buy
drinks there and its like sooo much
cheaper to buy some and drink at home then
u can slepe whenever u want lol. I think
you should tell him your feelings etc. and
since u will be living together u should
sit down together and work out your
finances as well, me and jason do that
occasionally but he adds things soo weird
it makes no sense for me lol.
I don't think boys are as intune to these
things as women, because we seem to know
how to make people feel special, and
thrive on doing
it.
I also think women (not saying you,
Zanny!) think their men will just
know intuitively what they are
needing. - For instance, flowers or a
little token of love. But that isn't true.
Men don't know that because they aren't
thinking in that way. We can't hint at it,
we have to come right out and say, "GET ME
SOME DARNED FLOWERS ALREADY, SHEESH!"
That taking care of others thing is part
of what makes us female. And a huge part
of the difference between the sexes.
Sorry if that sounds sexist, but it is
true. Men don't know what we don't tell
them about us. We, of course, would spend
all our time analyzing him and we,
in turn, would know exactly how he wants
his coffee, eggs and toast in the morning.
But chances are, he has never even noticed
we don't eat toast. (FYI: it took my
husband 12 years -I'm not even kidding!-
to notice that I don't eat the mushrooms
on pizza. I eat mushrooms, but I don't
like it on my pizza. When he finally
noticed he was like, "Huh, when did you
start doing that?" I said, "I've done it
forever!" He argued with me and said he
never noticed it, so of course I'd always
eaten them. Pfft.)
Moral of the story: If you want something
from your partner, mate, husband,
significant other - tell him.
Also tell him if you don't like mushrooms.
Because maybe he'll start to order pizzas
WITHOUT them. I learned my
lesson.
thats soo true, last year i kept going on
about how i wanted flowes on my birthday.
Needless to say he never got them he
wanted to on my actual birthday but then
no where was open, then he got mad about
it when we were in vilsek and got me a
dozen roses but then i felt crappy cuz he
got mad over it so the flowers werent even
worth it in the end, UGH MEN!
I have spoken to Jonny, & I tell him
what things I'd like as presents etc..
& I'm always going on about how much I
like receiving bunches of flowers &
chocolates, but the message just doesn't
get through.. or he forgets *sigh*
He's so apologetic about not getting me
anything, & I forgive him of course,
but secretly it really upsets me. Even
just a card from him would make my day.
|
rosejackson
Supporter
Joined: 23 Dec 2005 Posts: 4360 Location: hertfordshire, england
Thanks: 7
Thanked:11
Posted: 11-06-07 05:41am
men find it difficult to do that i think.
bobby doesn't surprise me with gifts or
anything. he doesn't even surprise william
but he does buy stuff for birthdays and
christmases. im still waiting on my
engagement ring which he said he'd get
this month but he hasn't got any money
left. fair enough, he pays alot of the
bills, so i'm not going to be complaining.
there's no point hinting you want
something because they just wont
understand. you have to tell him what you
want otherwise it just wont happen. i hope
things get better with the money
situation. i know it can be hard
especially this time of year
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sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-06-07 05:47am
Maybe for other people's christmas
presents you could buy them online, a lot
of stuff is cheaper online than in
stores.
I'll remember your advice ingi!
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yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 5554 Location: FL
Posted: 11-06-07 12:53pm
ugh steven doesnt ever buy me stuff. the
first time i got flowers was um last week
annd im having his THIRD kid lol. I got a
diamond bracelet for chirstmas/anniversary
but i picked it out all he did was swipe
his card to the account we share. maybe we
should keep a diary and leave it
conviently somewhere where hed read it
like i dunno the bathrom while hes poopin.
then maybe theyd get the hint. smoking is
super expensive. it use to drive me crazy
when my friend would complain about how
broke they were and yada yada but then go
buy a carton of cigs.
|
Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 11-06-07 13:01pm
I understand how you feel completely. I
love to give my close family nice gifts,
but the fact is you have a young daughter
to support. Your family would probably
like something you made equally as much if
not more than something you bought. You
could do a picture collage for your mom
that has pictures of you growing up, your
siblings (if you have any), and pictures
of Jenny. Maybe you could take up some
kind of craft like needlepoint or cross
stitch and make something like that.
