Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Kind of Long. Kind of Random. Posted: 11-05-07 00:05am
I was standing in the shower just now
& a lot of random things were running
through my head, like usual, & I
realized that it's November. I started
thinking about everything that's happened
this last year, & it got me in a
really depressed mood. It's been a year
this month since bill died, I won't even
capitalize his name. For those of you who
don't know, he was my uncle, he lived with
me, & he was really horrible. He had
hep c & had gotten really really sick
when he came to live with me, & that's
why he died (after 3 years.)
I never ever talk about him, because when
I do I get upset like this. I don't even
usually think about it, because this is
what happens. The only person that I ever
talk about it to is Tommy, or was
tommy. We don't talk about serious stuff
like this anymore, since breaking up, so
that's why I'm posting this, I just want
to vent and let all my feelings out since
I don't do it anymore.
I really think I need to talk to SOMEONE
about my feelings. For gods sake, this man
is dead and I still feel so much hate for
him. I've never been a person to hold my
feelings in or push something to the back
of my mind and I have to with this. I
thought about talking to my school
counselor, but she's the one who had to
turn my mom into DFS because of everything
that I told her was going on, plus I'd
just go in there and freak out and cry
everywhere at school for the rest of the
day and it'd be a huge mess. But I can't
afford a real therapist, so I guess it's
my only choice, I obviously need to talk
to someone though.
Sorry, I just keep thinking about it. I
hope no one thinks I'm posting this for
attention, I used to mention this a lot
because I was a really unhappy person
before he died, the way he used to treat
me used to be my excuse for everything
(because I felt he was the reason for
everything) I just don't want people to
think I'm trying to get sympathy. I just
want someone to listen and someone to vent
to. It's November again & everything
outside is the same & all of the
feelings are coming back because of it, I
guess, so I just wanted to vent.
none of this even makes sense lol sigh,
sorry.
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hopefulmjz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 4777 Location: , USA
Thanks: 3
Thanked:11
Posted: 11-05-07 00:07am
Awww, I'm sorry this is bugging you. I
can't imagine how it would feel. *hugs*
You know you can talk to me about
anything, anytime
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 11-05-07 00:11am
yeah me too Booger Lips.
We're here for ya. ^_^
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The Mrs
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 451 Location: , Texas
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-05-07 00:14am
I don't think you need to apologize for
posting your feelings. First of all, this
person LIVED with you for goodness sakes!
That is a big impact on your life, making
it even more important to talk about if it
was a big NEGATIVE impact.
I had someone in my family die, I guess it
was three years ago now, who I had bad
feelings for even when they were sick. I
still do, and I never talk about it ever.
In fact, even though I dated my husband
for five years before getting married and
have now been married for almost two, I've
mentioned my thoughts about this person
ONCE... and it was a big thing for me to
do so.
I'm not trying to tell you that I
understand, because I don't. I just want
you to know that it's okay and that no
matter HOW you feel, you have every right
to feel that way! You do for a reason
after all, and you are not a horrible
person.
Feel free to spill your guts. Feel free
to focus your attention on something else.
Feel free to do whatever you want. The
most important thing is that in times like
this... you really allow yourself to FEEL
whatever you want to feel. Bottling
things up is never good... but I'm sure
you know that.
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-05-07 00:55am
Thanks girls, I'm glad you're here for me,
it means a lot.
& to the mrs. thank you for taking the
time to respond the way you did, i'm sorry
that you have to keep your feelings
bottled up too, if you need to talk, im
also here.
thanks for listening
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rasuyoung
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 464 Location: Long Island, NY
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-05-07 03:19am
I left a comment on your Facebook note. I
don't know your situation, but you might
be able to afford to see a therapist with
a low co-pay under your medical insurance.
It's definitely worth looking into. Do you
have a separate school psychologist, or is
there just a school counselor?
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Amber*Marie
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 1430
Posted: 11-05-07 07:35am
awwww sorry! I get this way alot of times
aout my pawpaw. We are here for you Terra!
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-05-07 16:07pm
Thanks I really appreciate
it. I actually brought this to my teachers
attention when I was a freshman, now I'm a
senior & I'm in her class again &
I think I'm going to try talking to her
again. I've got a real connection with
her, I just hope she doesn't send me back
to the counselor. I don't like her lol
thanks for reading though =)
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yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 5554 Location: FL
Posted: 11-05-07 20:30pm
Terra i had no idea he had died. I see no
problem with you still disliking him, he
was a mean man and you didnt deserve to
deal with his crap. i love you! u can call
me if u ever just want to vent, just wait
til the monsters go to bed so ic an
actually hear you lol
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Sail Away
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2006 Posts: 1170 Location: Missouri
Posted: 11-05-07 22:57pm
I remember him Terra, I remember all the
things you've told me about him. I'm sorry
=( I think it's pretty normal to have a
hate thing towards him, you just need to
talk to someone and learn to let things
go.
It reminds me so much of my sister, who's
in jail again, and I doubt i've told any
of you this because it's so personal, but
my sister has Hepititis C aswell, she was
living with me for a short period of time,
and it angers me because she was supposed
to be doing better, and was...but she was
so careless knowing her daughter and my
son was living here too. She would be on
her period and would leave her bloody
clothes in my bathroom, and would leave
her razors in the bath tub where the kids
could get ahold of them...Brayden and my
niece are going to be tested for hep C
soon, and if either one have it, I am
seriously, not even joking...swear on
Brayden's LIFE. I will kill her. I will
never feel better if either one of those
babies have it, unless she's dead.
I told my mom that too. That was the last
chance I will ever give her, Her life is
ruined, and she made that choice. Life is
what you make it. =)
Some people just have cold hearts Terra,
or maybe he was mentally ill. My sister
has really bad bi polar that she refuses
to take medication for, so that doesn't
make anything better.
If you need to chat, you know where to
reach me. Love ya.
