Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
What Should I Do Posted: 11-04-07 18:49pm
I'm 15, sophmore in high school, ugly as
hell, and severely overweight due to
"comfort eating." (Hopefully if you guys
ignore that last part you'll help me
anyways instead of insult me seeing as
this is a health forum). I've been
depressed since the beginning of the 9th
grade, and I don't know what to do. I've
cut myself about 3 times in my life, the
first time I thought it was fun and I
wasn't really even depressed. Then I did
it again, but it hurt so I stopped(like I
said, Not depressed). Then I did it a last
time in the 9th grade, but I didn't find
any pleasure in it from depression so I
just left it at that. But now I want to do
it again.
I'm paranoid, and can't sleep without a TV
on so I can see if there is anything evil
in my room(I'm religious) or any type of
thing that might try to scare me. I used
to see things a lot when I was a kid, and
it went away until now(saw a reflection of
a skeleton, cried to my mom, came back, it
was gone).
I feel like school doesn't matter(oh wait,
it doesn't) and I want to fail the grade
so I can get into a relationship with
someone who's younger than me, and I just
like high school(Adults.. Think of all the
dumb things people did when you were in
high school). I don't want to leave high
school, but I don't want to be alone.
I can never remember anything, I never
have lasting friendships, I'm quiet,
annoying as hell(to the point where I get
slapped in the face). My grades are low, I
keep having panic attacks(more than a
normal person would have) and every now
and then my heart hurts(And I'm 15). We
went to the doctor, but they didn't detect
anything bad, so now my mom mocks me when
I tell her I need to go to the doctor. I
even told her I cut myself(the LAST time I
did it she saw the cut) and she said she'd
get me a counselor. Twice.
She lied.
Now I'm doing bad in school, I'm
depressed, lonely, scared of dying and
going to hell, keep having panic attacks,
and I don't know what to do!
I just came here hoping someone could
help. I want to get to a doctor but I
can't. Anyone have suggestions on how to
do this?
The last few nights I've been at my
dad's(parents divorced, don't care, I hate
them both) I've been hearing wierd noises.
A hugeass boom like you hear when you live
near a base and they do bomb testing or
something, someone opening a trash can,
then outside my wall in my backyard the
sound of a group of people stomping on the
ground. All in one night. No one was
around the house.
I think it was because of pictures I
looked at at school. I'll never do it
again. I just want someone to help me but
if I'm worthless to you I understand if
you make fun of me.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 18:54pm
im here to help ypu hun
please feel free to ask me anything and
tell me anything
i wont judge you
ill just listen
i know what youre going through and it
sucks so bad but guess what? in 5 yrs none
of this time will even matter at all! it
will all be a past thing
my name is suzy and im 16 yr old. i left
high school in the middle of my sophmore
year.
im 34 weeks 2 days pregnant and im
expecting a baby girl due in a few weeks
youre not alone okay? im on this forum
every day for most of the day and night
so if you need anything chat away
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 18:57pm
i just wish i could get a doctor. well..
the time we went for my heart issues the
doctor said i was depressed and i got
antidepressants, but my mom didnt let me
take them. she thinks im all happy and
everything. now she just wont do anything.
i have been living with my dad for a few
months(i just chose to, it's not required
by law or anything he lives close by) but
i dont want an emotional relationship wtih
him because i really dont like him(i get
depressed when he comes home from work). I
just want to cut myself right now. i dont
know what to do besides that.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 18:59pm
eh dont cut yourself its not going to
permanently solve anything and niether
will drugs...
you sound fine to me. just a normal
teenager thats going through a rough time
in life. why do you NEED anti depressant
meds? you dont.
its a hard part of life being where you
are. we all go through tough caca
doesnt mean we should fill ourselves with
the idea that something is wrong with us
nothing is wrong with you hunni
youre a perfectly normal teenager.
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 19:04pm
trust me. its not my health thats bugging
me. and if you think it is, answer this:
why am i constantly sad
why do i think constantly about killing
myself
why am i secluded and not social
why do i eat for comfort
why am i always tired
why do i not care about anything
why do i self depreciate
why cant i orgasm
why do i feel so worthless
why am i so pessimistic
why do i sometimes feel empty
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 19:13pm
i dont think its your health at all. i
think its the stae of life that your in
and the way your mind is telling you youre
never going to be alright. now im no
doctor and i dont know you personally but
from what youve explained to me...
why am i constantly sad? because you feel
like your life is empty and that youre
never going to get out. you feel trapped
and alone and youre scared. youre scared
of yourself.
why do i think constantly about killing
myself? because thats an easy way to deal
with what youre going through. eh just
kill yourself? yes that will solve
everything? how?
why am i secluded and not social? because
you dont give yourself the chance to be
social. you have a very low self esteeme
you have to learn to appretiate yourself
before others can appretiate you
why do i eat for comfort? thats COMPLETELY
normal. hell i do that all the time.
why am i always tired? because you often
spend your nights lying awake in sadness
wondering why youre the way you are.
thinking about tomarrow and when its going
to change. dreading falling asleep because
you know youre going towake up and its all
going to be the same. you dont even know
this about yourself yet. but its true
why do i not care about anything? because
you dont care about yourself...which is
the main reason why. if you dont matter
then why should anything else right?
why do i self depreciate? because you
ofetn think so much about everything wrong
and what is going on. what you wish life
was like insteda of actually moving
towards a state of mind where you can be
happy. like for starters, starting a
relationship with your dad even though you
despise him.
why cant i orgasm? because your sad! if
your sad then how can you feel good?
why do i feel so worthless? because you
have low self esteeme
caused by the world that surrounds you
you feel unwanted and worthless. becuase
you think the world thinks of you this
way. am i not right?
why do i sometimes feel empty? all of the
above[/quote]
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 19:28pm
No.
I feel sad because once I'm out of high
school, I'll be all alone. No more people
to laugh at for doing something
dumb(Regular high school stuff), no
friends, no girlfriend, just the memories
of how easy life was when I lived with my
parents. I'll have nothing, I'll be
nothing, I'll never be something. The way
the country is(politics) just means
everything will get worse.
I think about killing myself because it
relieves me. Makes me feel better(In fact
digg.com reecently linked to an article
where scientists said that Anyone who is
asked to think how they will die will make
them happy at the moment that they start
thinking about it). i don't want to live,
I have nothing to live for except God and
so I don't burn in hell.
I'm secluded because I'm depressed. I have
a friend in my neighborhood whose only
friend in the neighborhood is me, I just
don't want to socialize. I'd rather be
alone.
I eat for comfort because I'm depressed. I
THINK that if I was happier, I wouldn't be
overweight.
I'm always tired because I'm awake
thinking that I will see a demon in my
room, so I leave the TV on so I can see,
but then it keeps me awake. And when I do
get lots of sleep, I'm tired anyways
because I'm depressed.
I don't care about anything because I'm
depressed. It's a symptom of depression.
And I don't care about myself because of
it.
I make fun of myself because I'm
worthless, and it's better to say
something bad then to say something good
that everyone knows is a lie.
I can't orgasm because I'm clinically
depressed. It should be obvious by now
that I am.
I feel worthless because I am. I used to
have potential, but I don't anymore.
I feel empty, because I am nothing. That's
why I can't cry.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 19:31pm
please carefully look over what i posted
you may be suprised that some of it
actually does apply to you and the way
youre feeling
maybe you dont want to admit it? or think
its that way?
like i said i dont know you personally,
but i do know alot about the main thing i
know,which is people.
try looking into yourself a little deeper
you came on here to get help. because you
dont want to die. you dont want to be
hurt. you really really dont or else it
would be done and over with and you
wouldnt be HERE trying to figure yourself
out
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 19:33pm
im a very logical person. I'm brutally
honest, and I know myself. Chances are not
completely, but I know myself enough. I
just wish someone could motivate me to get
help or something. I don't know. being
here helps me escape reality which is kind
of nice.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 19:36pm
eOns of gREy
wrote:
im a very logical person.
I'm brutally honest, and I know myself.
Chances are not completely, but I know
myself enough. I just wish someone could
motivate me to get help or something. I
don't know. being here helps me escape
reality which is kind of
nice.
then stay here
its a great place lol it really is
alot of people on here can help you
ahh you need a motivation eh? well lets
see
what are you good at? and dont say nothing
because i wont believe you
what do you enjoy in life? wheather you
have it or not
what do you want to be?
|
eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 19:37pm
I'm good at writing. I don't really enjoy
anything. I just do things that have a
positive influence on my feelings, but
don't make me feel anything(playing
games).
I want to be an angel who is in heaven
forever.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 19:43pm
writing! seriously? me too? i have a book
published called IRENE that i wrote and
entered in a young authors contest and won
first place!!!
do you know how many lives you could
change by writing? poems? a book? a movie
script? a biography? a book on life?
you could change the world. your words
would live forever in the heart and mind
of someone who enjoys the things you write
about
how cool would that be?
you may want to pursue a writting career
writting is a much easier way to deal with
everything and believe it or not it will
teach you so much about yourself that you
never knew. you will live in your words
and be sucessful at it to!
you want to be an angel. ahh so thats what
you want to be AFTER life here on earth?
well what about starting now? angels walk
the earth everyday and help people.
|
eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 19:47pm
i dont have an opinion. rich i guess..
I used to have a fanfiction.net account
when I first got depressed, it was like a
live journal. someone commented saying i'd
changed their life forever knowing that
people can feel the way i felt. but he was
a teenager, and you know how we are since
you are one. he/she might notve meant it.
i just want to write a book and publish
it. i dont want a career where i have to
go to college. i just want God to kill me
painlessly and take me to heaven.
though really, i suppose i wish that NOW i
was an angel in heaven to be there
forever.
by the way, did you ever hurt yourself?
because im looking for something to SI
right now.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 19:53pm
yes i hurt myself
mmhmm its a long story ill try and make it
short
when i was 14 i got involved with a
horrible person that chaged me and made me
feel like s*&^ about myself. i let him
run all over me and treat me like crap.
then i started doing drugs. very heavy
drugs. cocaine and heroin and meth. my
parents got divorced and i started running
away. doing stupid things i wish i could
change now that i look back.
well i started cutting to "relieve" what
was going on
until my friend janine cut herself and she
died.
then my friend ishmael got so fu*^$ed up
on crystal meth he layed his body down on
traintracks and let the train run over his
head. he commited suicide. and the first
time he ever did meth was with me. think
of how that made me feel?
i stopped everything
coold turkey
its not worth any of it
its not worth the pain of haveing to sit
here everyday knowing that i didnt stop
them from doing what they were doing.
because i WAS apart of it insetad of one
of those people who could help.
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 19:57pm
im gonna go watch a movie with my dad...
ill be back around 8 30 (its 7 now)
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 19:58pm
okay
ill be here!
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 21:36pm
Im back. Just saw Saw 4.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-04-07 21:50pm
lol i just started watching it
then it froze so i said screw it ill watch
it tomarrow
was it good?
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 21:53pm
Yes.I thought you were gone. Are you on
yahoo yet?
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
