I'm 15, sophmore in high school, ugly as hell, and severely overweight due to "comfort eating." (Hopefully if you guys ignore that last part you'll help me anyways instead of insult me seeing as this is a health forum). I've been depressed since the beginning of the 9th grade, and I don't know what to do. I've cut myself about 3 times in my life, the first time I thought it was fun and I wasn't really even depressed. Then I did it again, but it hurt so I stopped(like I said, Not depressed). Then I did it a last time in the 9th grade, but I didn't find any pleasure in it from depression so I just left it at that. But now I want to do it again.

I'm paranoid, and can't sleep without a TV on so I can see if there is anything evil in my room(I'm religious) or any type of thing that might try to scare me. I used to see things a lot when I was a kid, and it went away until now(saw a reflection of a skeleton, cried to my mom, came back, it was gone).

I feel like school doesn't matter(oh wait, it doesn't) and I want to fail the grade so I can get into a relationship with someone who's younger than me, and I just like high school(Adults.. Think of all the dumb things people did when you were in high school). I don't want to leave high school, but I don't want to be alone.

I can never remember anything, I never have lasting friendships, I'm quiet, annoying as hell(to the point where I get slapped in the face). My grades are low, I keep having panic attacks(more than a normal person would have) and every now and then my heart hurts(And I'm 15). We went to the doctor, but they didn't detect anything bad, so now my mom mocks me when I tell her I need to go to the doctor. I even told her I cut myself(the LAST time I did it she saw the cut) and she said she'd get me a counselor. Twice.

She lied.

Now I'm doing bad in school, I'm depressed, lonely, scared of dying and going to hell, keep having panic attacks, and I don't know what to do!

I just came here hoping someone could help. I want to get to a doctor but I can't. Anyone have suggestions on how to do this?

The last few nights I've been at my dad's(parents divorced, don't care, I hate them both) I've been hearing wierd noises. A hugeass boom like you hear when you live near a base and they do bomb testing or something, someone opening a trash can, then outside my wall in my backyard the sound of a group of people stomping on the ground. All in one night. No one was around the house.

I think it was because of pictures I looked at at school. I'll never do it again. I just want someone to help me but if I'm worthless to you I understand if you make fun of me.