I actually recently stopped an 18 year belief in the existance of God. No matter how crazy and wild I was through my youth (I'm still in my youth), I some how kept the belief that God was real. Just a feeling. And even when I believed in his existance I hated the idea of it. I desperately wanted there to be no God because I wanted to do what I pleased and not fear eternal consequences. I was irritated at the idea of some big guy creating people only to judge them and then send them to their eternal consequence, what would be the point of that? Even when I believed God existed, it wasn't an idea I was too thrilled about. And even when I believed God existed I still did whatever I wanted, drugs, sex, among moral crimes, and instead just grew accustomed to the belief that hell is where I was going to end up.
The only thing a belief in God did was save my life. Yes, but only because there was a time when the only thing holding me back from suicide for the certainty that if I parished I was going straight to hell and it would be more horrible than my extremely abusive childhood. I knew (thought I knew) that death would bring no relief, and on that idea alone kept on living.
Even when I believed in the existance of God I didn't find life within religion and the church appealing, and found it a huge inconvenience that God was real (at the time) when I wanted to do as I pleased.
I do things others may call "bad", like stealing (from huge companies with shady policies, in which case I find supporting them by giving my money a bigger "wrong") but I think I am more "moral" than many people. I care about suffering, and I want to dedicate my life to giving, and improving the existance of people, and animals, and the earth. If I'm going to hell even though I'm living better than so many Christians I've encountered, just for not yielding to an idea of a God who I think has some unreasonable expectations, then I guess that's to bad. Because I'm a swell caring person.
I don't know what happens after we die. If I had certainty I would possibly change how I live. If I knew for sure existance was not an eternal thing, I would live differently. Unfortunately I've come to the conclustion that we are made of two different materials, physical matter, and spiritual matter. Our bodies, the physical matter, is destructable, it can die, it has an end. The spiritual matter (since I hope no one believes that you are your body) goes on, I believe. I'm sure I will go on after my body has met it's end.
Hopefully it's something super awesome. Maybe my spiritual matter will just linger in different places, and attach itseld to different things that were a part of my life. I don't know, but I am pretty sure I will keep existing long after my death.
Just dying and ending and never thinking and feeling again seems like the nicest thing to me, but I really think we keep existing in some way, and that is tiring. If I knew we just died and that was it, I do believe I would live differently. I would first of all be dead already, because of the types of choices I would make if I knew knew knew that for sure I only had this life to live.