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I"m Baffled By My Husbands Behavior

Confused Hello,

I am very confused about my husbands behavior.One minute or day, he can be nice, polite and kind. On other days, anything can set him off into a rage. He screams and yells, calls me names, so much so, that I started calling him names back, which I have never done in any other relationship. He tells me what to wear, what shoes and bag, and how to wear my hair, crtisizing almost everything I choose to wear.He has told me" I am worthy of being taken to MacDonalds, and he will not take me out if I do not wear what he wants me to wear. Now he is doing this to our 10 year old daughter, but she gives him a hard time, and he is much less forgiving with her.But it does worry me.
I was once invited to a friends birthday party, I ofcoarse invited him, however he did not want to go. It just so happened, the birthday party was around the corner from his best friends restaurant, which is where he went.On my way back from the party, I saw his car. I went into the restaurant and he was there. I walked in and said "hello". He looked at me and said very angrily" what are YOU doing here"??? I said I saw your car and thought I would say hello. He then told me that" I should leave" after I had just ordered a glass of wine. He also told me" I was using him for food and drinks".After I heard that I decided to leave, noticing he was in a very bad mood( for what reason, I still do not know) he never talked openly and honest with me, and when we did talk, it ended up in a rage, it would be terrible.I started gathering my things to leave and he started following me. I told his that" I was okay, he didn't need to come with me". He said,"no, that he wanted to come with me to the car". I then told him again,"I was fine". I started to leave and he started following me, I then ran accross the street to a small deli, and he started screaming names at me" PUTANA, YOUR A WORTHLESS PIECE OF !**@!"!!! In the middle of the street. I didn't know why he was doing this!!I became afarid, and ran into the store. I then saw him in the store with me. I toild him to'leave me alone and go away"!! He wouldn't. I then left the store and started running to my car. I looked back and he was following me. I ran to the car and tried to put my key into the car door, but he covered the key hole. I ran around to the other side, got in and locked the door. He then walked away, cursing and yelling, calling me names. I drove home, but I was so afraid to go home, that I went to the police station to fill out a report. I had a police escort home, but he was not home yet. I told the police, it was okay they could leave. They didn't want to, but did anyway, upon my insistance.I couldn't go to bed, nor could I sleep. I was trembling with fear.I was outside having a cigarette when he came home, he just looked at me and went upstairs. I finally went to bed in the guest bedroom, but that was the day I decided I could not live like this. I started sleeping in the guest bedroom, but he never apologized or mentioned this incident. He acted as though it never happened.When I was upset, he could not understand why, nor could he understand why I wanted to move out!!!Things like this would happen and he would tell me' I am mental, I am bi-polar, and even cut out articles for me. He said he would see a story on TV and say" it was just like me" that I have alot of trouble and that I am bi-polar, over and over. When I might not be the happiest person, although I am optomistic, I know I am not Bi-polar. I have read the symptoms and I do not see them in me.I do see a therapist and she told me that I am not bi-polar.Could it be that he has some sort of mental problem? or could he be seeing the bi-polar in himself? Like projecting what he see's about himself, yet accusing me of it? I just do not know, and he makes me so sad. I really loved this person, even though it was always rocky. But we had a child together, and I would have never had a child with him if I would have known that there was something seriously wrong with his behavior.I really loved him and wanted it to work. Can anyone please give me advice on why he acts like this towards me. I am a good hearted and loving person. He brings out the worst in me though, because I get so upset when he calls me those names and puts me down. It is so hard to ignore them. Question My mother tells me not to let him empower me, however when you are called such horrible names, being told" what a bad mother you are, in front of your child' etc, it is very difficult. I have tried and tried to figure out why he is like this????
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replied November 7th, 2007
Experienced User
From what you have said this is not a very healthy relationship. When he calls you names don't stoop down to his level and call him anything back.It does sound like he has anger issues.He should not be controlling to you or your daughter.Some men have troubles admitting they have problems.It does sound like he is twisting everything around and making you seem like the bad person.You need to take your daughter and stay with a family member or friend.You do not need to stay in an unstable environment.Call a police officer over to your house while you get your stuff together that way he can't follow you.I know all of this is hard for you.I too have been in an abusive realtionship and so has one of my family members.You need to understand that none of this is your fault don't take the blame for his actions.He needs to want to get help for himself.You and your daughter deserve a better life.No women ever deserves to be treated like he has treated you.
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replied January 21st, 2008
run sweety, get some help. You never were created to be abused.


the end result is you and your little one being abused its not going to get better unless there is intervention. circle of violence, power and control. is worht having a look at on the net and support.
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replied June 11th, 2010
I have a question ,this is mentally exhausting me so please help anyone... the first year of my relationship with my husban was lets just say sexually above average 6 to 7 times a day i couldnt gewt away from him, I thought he was on viagra but he wasnt in fact i used to call him gunner because his penius never went down, 2 years later he has done a 360, well have sex once or twice a week only one time , he will be tired but the unusual problem that i need help on is that when i go down to feel him in the heat of the moment his testicles are drained, like nothing is there almost like what you would feel after 7 times of sex... but this is before sex, before he cums, everytime now.. im really worried i dont want to accuse him but is it that hes masterbating now or cheating on me he is very handsome, works around alot of girls butdoes not go anywhere without me except to work at an aprtment complex so that could be where hes cheating does empty testicles before sex give you and indication he is having sexual activity somewhere else, he was completley opposite 2 years ago i know my husbands sexual stamina and how could it change so dramatically unless there was a reason? im so worried please help
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replied June 18th, 2010
Male PMS?
Tell him to make you a sandwich when he's in a pissy mood.
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replied June 18th, 2010
not good
Dr_Doom wrote:
Male PMS?
Tell him to make you a sandwich when he's in a pissy mood.
Question that was sarcastic and rude doctor
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replied July 15th, 2010
I need help as well. I don't know if I should leave my boyfriend or not. We are both 21 years old with and 8 month old child living in his parents basement. He doesn't want me to work, he made me lose my car and everytime I have another chance to get a car he somehow manages to ruin it for me. He works but doesn't get paid on a regular basis so he is by no means supporting me and our child his parents are. Sometimes he can be really nice, but he seems very controlling and about a year and a half ago we got into two fist fights one where he held me down and choked me and I'm not sure if he would've let go on his own it was only because someone heard me yelling and walked in and pulled him off. I am not allowed to go anywhere alone because when we first started dating I did cheat on him which is what escalated into the fist fights. I did admit I was wrong and I told him before he found out on his own because I felt guilty. He loves our child I know, but he works as a repo man meaning he is gone all night sometimes for days at a time and has only changed 1 diaper in the past month and hardly spends time with him. I am worried about if I do live him when my son comes over here his dad is always swearing at my 8th month old baby calling him a brat and telling him to shut the f*** up when he throws fits. He is also pretty much confined to his play pen, jumper, or my lap during the day because they refuse to put their breakables up high and if I am busy I can't monitor him on the floor. Also it sounds a little silly, but the places I have to go I can't take my dog because he's a pitbull and there are breed restrictions in the town I can live with family in. My boyfriends dad also yells at my dog and throws shoes at him and I am afraid if I leave and wait until I can get somewhere that will take my dog he won't give him back even though he was a gift from my family. I also don't know what I am going to do about daycare costs since he doesn't get paid regularly and might not help me at all. I am just confused searching for a little advice. None of my family or friends like him and are willing to help until I can get on my feet. What do I do?
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