Should parents smack kids?

Let’s take a look at what Lily Ivy said: ‘If your kids are well behaved and sitting in the corner makes them understand they did wrong, and then there is no need for spanking.’
She really is in my opinion no monster.

But I understood what you said, Aya. I just think using words like ‘disturbing’ is very harsh.
My little one is turning four in July, and she is a little girl, not a handicap. As I said in a previous post: she is very well mannered and we NEVER had to leave a restaurant in the middle of a meal, or had to leave church before the sermon was over because she acted up.
I consider my own mother and father as experts when it comes to raising a child. A so-called expert - Dr Spock - believed one should not spank one’s children. He wrote two books about it (if memory serves me correctly) The third book he apologized for the *** he wrote in the first two. His son later committed suicide.

‘Discipline is about teaching your children right from wrong. It isn't about punishing them.’ Is sitting in a corner not punishment?

‘And afterward, getting down on their eye level and calmly explaining why they were disciplined and that I know they can do better next time.’ I talk calmly too, on her eye level, as I said in a previous post.

‘We're not supposed to hurt our children and make them fear us physically.’ My child does not fear me. I’m the one she runs to when her balloon bursts, she falls, is scared of lightning, needs a kiss and a cuddle or someone to push her on the swing.


’I wonder what you will do when your daughter is too old to spank?’ This is her forming years. I have about two more left and thus far I believe this are going very well - as I said: she’s caring, nurturing, and very popular because she is well behaved. It’s very important for a child to be welcome were ever they go as it builds self esteem.

‘What does a child really learn from getting a spank and then a hug and right back to play?’
1. She learns that her butt will burn if she naughty.
2. She learns that I don’t hate her for not being good, hence the hug.
3. She sees that no grudges are held - we play together afterward. It’s over.

Lily Ivy, no matter how you raise your child, there will always be someone who will criticize. Do the best you can.
Best of luck, Sweetie.

spanking kids..thats nothing, my dad would pull out "the belt" ..now thats a whippin!! they were raised the same exact way, now dont get me wrong my parents didn't do that everytime they had the chance, "the belt" was the last form of punishment..meaning you've gotten every warning possible and yet you still continue to misbehave...we were given time out..had our mouths washed out with soap, had toys taken away..yadda yadda..but if you got the belt there was a reason for it and trust me...you learned fast not to do it again..and sometimes thats what it takes...as i said earlier...i cant say that i didnt deserve every whippin i got when i was younger...sometimes you gotta put a kid in their place, let them know whos boss and discourage bad behavior...how else are they gonna learn? And parents wonder why their kids are the way they are nowadays...bring back the old fashion spanking and see if your kid acts up again! My kids will be spanked...and let someone tell me its wrong, we'll see whos kids misbehaves more often... these professionals can make up all the b.s. they want about spanking causing problems later on in life...i'm fine..my parents are fine..their parents are fine...my parents didn't enjoy spanking me...but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get the kid to listen

Beline, I'm not going to sit here and pick apart the way you discipline your daughter. The point of my posts here was to point out that I believe each parent should do a bit of research and find what method of discipline works for them, not get one form stuck in their mind and fixate only on doing that... especially when the form causes physical pain to their children.

I do not personally believe discipline and punishment are always the same thing. So as an answer to your question, no. I do not believe sitting in a corner is "punishment". I do believe hitting your child IS.

I would be very surprised if I, as a bigger, stronger person, raised a hand to my child and caused her physical pain and she DIDN'T look at me with fear in her eyes. Or if, when she did something wrong, her first instinct wasn't to run away.

I've said before, more than once, that if physical discipline works for you, I respect that. And I'm sorry if you feel I shouldn't have said that picking a physical form of discipline before researching other methods is disturbing. I'm just being honest, and it DOES disturb me. And for the record, nobody here called Lilly Ivy a monster. I simply disagree with her views and honestly hope she'll take the time to look into other forms of punishment before deciding to raise a hand to her child.

I personally feel that spanking does not help to correct the behavior, but teaches the child that Mommy/Daddy is bigger than you, stronger than you, they can hurt you and you can't get away. Do what they want you to do or they will hurt you. I'm not entirely sure where the wrong and right part comes in. Does it come in after they're done crying from the pain? Are they honestly listening to you 100% when you're explaining why they've just been punished? If someone hit me and then tried to talk rationally to me, I'd probably agree to whatever they said out of fear that they'd hurt me again, not because I agreed with it. I'm not sure where the "teaching" aspect comes into physical discipline.

But again, this is my personal opinion. I'm decidedly uninterested in being called out for being rude and harsh and being accused of calling other mothers monsters, where nowhere in my previous posts have I said anything other than my genuine opinion. If my opinion can't be respected as just that, I'll happily stop replying to this thread.

Amen.
Power struggles with a child who can’t reason yet is pointless.
We got ‘the belt’ too when I was a child, but I don’t think I would ever be able to do that. But anyway, Worrywart, you and your future well behaved children will always be welcome in my home. Not too many people get the invitation.

I didn’t say that you, or anybody else for that matter called Lily Ivy a monster. I said that I don’t think that she is a monster for wanting to spank. Sorry if you felt that I implied that. Wasn’t my intention.

‘I personally feel that spanking does not help to correct the behavior’. Oh yes, it does! Feel free to ask me and Worrywart all about it. After a good spanking you magically turn into an absolute Angle for the next week or two.

I believe that they stop the behavior for a little while. I don't believe it corrects the behavior, though.

Spanking teaches children that if they're caught doing wrong, they'll be hurt. Discipline, on the other hand, teaches children right from wrong. You're supposed to be teaching your children how to tell right from wrong and how to make good choices, which is a skill you need to develop before they're too big to raise a hand to.

You should be aiming at teaching your children WHY what they're doing is wrong, not just stopping it from happening. That's a temporary solution to a problem that will most likely repeat itself if you're not addressing it properly.

Maybe you should read this thread again from the start. I believe that spanking should be a last resort. My daughter hasn’t had a spanking this year because it just wasn’t necessary. Thus I believe that spanking does indeed correct bad behavior. I explain to her way I’m going to spank her. She understands, and she knows that if she does it again..

I understood very well why my parents spanked me because - like me - they explained it to me. I have a very strong sense of what is right and what is wrong, hence my career choice as a fraud assessor. (a quite successful one at that)

As for it being a temporary solution: any form of discipline needs to be repeated. I guess I was just lucky thus far that I never had to spank my daughter twice for the same ‘incident’. But I know that a lot of children get time outs over and over again for the same missteps.

Sweetmom said something in a previous post about removing children for a situation if they misbehave. Let me tell you about my personal experience in this regard. (This happened TWICE - different couples). I invited friends to go out with me to a restaurant - my treat. Their children came with, ate, and wanted to go home to watch television. We weren’t done yet. So what did the little brats do? They acted up, and mommy and daddy ‘removed’ them from the situation. They went home, had 10 minutes time out, and watched television for the rest of the night after they ‘apologized’.
I was left at the restaurant surrounded by plates of half eaten food, while their children won the power struggle. This happened again when I invited (yet again: my treat) some other friends out about a month or so later.
If Sweetmom is so dedicated to her child that she is willing to go without social interaction for a few years, it’s admirable. I’m not. I need to go to the shops, church etc. And I love the way my child’s eyes sparkle when people compliment me on her behavior. It’s really good for her self esteem.

what I would have done if my son threw a tantrum saying he wanted to go home and watch TV is: I would have taken him home and he would have gone straight to bed.The next morning I would sit him down and explain to him that when he wants to do something it is best to use calm,rational words instead of tantrums and that he needs to listen to what I tell him when I say no.
That way he gets the discipline needed for the situation.
When a child is fighting to go home,there's not much you can do other than take them home.However,there is no need to give in to the demands that a child puts forth on you.

I guess I am lucky in the way that all my friends have kids the same age and can understand(and tolerate)the tantrums that my son has thrown.My son however does not throw tantrums often and will play nicely with other children,he is a bit of a screamer though(as soon as the room goes quiet,he'll scream then laugh...I'm working on this though).

I believe that all other methods should be tried before resorting to spanking. I was spanked a few times as a child. I knew why I was getting spanked though. It was usually when I did something really bad AND I knew it was wrong. I was also grounded also. One example I can remember is when I skpped school at the age of 9. My friend and I went off through the woods and it was very dangerous so I don't blame my parents for spanking me at all.

I'm hoping to not have to spank my little girl. I will do everything possible to prevent this. I know that things can change down the road though also. I do realize after watching my sister-in-law and her oldest son who is now 4 that spanking doesn't seem to be working for them. He does not listen to mommy very well. She has to spank him quite a bit. I think he sees this as a form of one on one attention from mommy though (she has two children younger than him) and acts out to get this "attention."

Sweetmom, I’ve written a response, deleted it, rewritten it, and deleted it again, because I keep on coming over as attacking your point of view. Please take my response in the light that I mean it. If your method of discipline works for you, then I’m all for it.

I don’t quite understand what you mean by: ‘When a child is fighting to go home, there's not much you can do other than take them home .However, there is no need to give in to the demands that a child puts forth on you.’ It’s a little contradicting. I other words you stay in the restaurant with your child disrupting everybody else’s meal? I don’t think that this is what you meant though.

But I do believe though that if you feel that there is nothing that you can do but leave, the child wins the power struggle. All that he learns from it is that he has to throw a tantrum to get his way, mommy will give in, and he will not ever have to deal with not getting his way.

Again: I don’t mean to offend. I just don’t understand the rationale behind removing a child from a situation. Children should learn how to deal with situations they don’t like. It’s hard to bring my point across in the light that I mean it because tone of voice cannot be determined over the net.

I think that using physical disipline is the easy way out. I mean how difficult is it to lose your temper and hit someone when they do something that you don't like? It is much harder to find other ways to counteract unacceptable behavior.

Also I believe that spanking just teaches children violence. I am the oldest of eight children, and my parents used physical discipline on me and my siblings; it taught me nothing, accept that if someone did something that I did not like it gave me the right to assualt them.

I have 2 sisters who are 3, another who is 6 and a brother who is 5, and when they have a disagreement, or when someone says or does something they do not like, they resort to violence just as they are being taught. I never use physical discipline with them, and they listen to me and respect me more than they do our parents.

Thank you Beline for sticking up for me!

If you haven't noticed, I'm pretty horrible about wording things on here.

I will do my best this time...

Spanking is definitely a last resort. I can only say 'No' or 'Stop' so many times. Then after 5/10/whatever minutes in time out, if they do it again, they will get one more warning before being spanked. That is just a plan of course, mine never seem to go right anyway. Who knows, my daughter could be a perfect angel and never get into trouble (Wouldn't that be nice?!)

I'm sorry Lilly if it seemed like I was picking on you,I really didn't mean to single you out.I just had to use your comment as an example for my post.

I understand how frustrating it can be to repeat yourself over and over and over.Trust me,when I take my son for a walk without a stroller I am constantly repeating myself.I just find that taking the child out of the situation is easier on my conscience(sp?)than spanking.I would feel horrible if I made him cry out of pain.If he's crying because he didn't get his way than whatever I can handle that.
I'm not perfect though,I got really frustrated and I ended up spanking him once.The look on his face and in his eyes will stay with me for a long time.That itself is the one thing that will keep me from ever spanking him again.I think I cried more than he did,although I didn't let him see me.