Ending a Relationship Forum - Confused, Confused, Confused....help!
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Confused, Confused, Confused....help!

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Testpress

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007
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Confused, Confused, Confused....help!
Posted: 11-02-07 10:37am

Hiya All. I met my girlfriend about 3 years ago. At first it was all love and happy days, then we had our first tiff and rather than talk she just burst into tears and didn't say a word. It was like I was doing all the talking and it kinda drove me up the wall. Anyhow, we were together a year but during that year, she cried alot, over things that seemed trivial but I didn't really understand why because she finds it hard to talk about her feelings.

At the ends of the year I said we should seperate for a while. We seperated for a month. During this time i did sleep with someone else more for companionship than sex i think. After doing this, I realised how much I missed her. We sort of started seeing each other again, but a week in, she found some e-mails from the other girl I'd dated and she was in pieces. Although I knew I loved her I felt like we now must depart because I figured we'd never trust each other after this. Two weeks later she found out she was pregnant. We were both in shock. At this point I must say that I already have one child (whose 12) and the relationship with his mother also started when technically the relationship had ended. However, I am the eternal optimist (or blind fool! And seeing as I do love her, I had a choice, be with her and the baby and try and make a go of it or go on my own and be a part-time parent.

I chose to stay with her. Pregnancy was fine, I supported her in this and we both had a goal to focus on but from when our gorgeous little boy was born things seemed to switch. I've gotta admit that in the first six months although I supported her I did feel some resentment about the whole situation. I wasn't really verbal about it but I know she knew. Six months later and we are at real odds. The neglect I shown in the first six months led her to create a seperate life, I was studying at the time and didn't really pay attention to her or her needsbut But now I've woke up...I can see what distance is in our realtionship and I'm trying to heal it. Sex was an issue after pregnancy I left it until she felt comfortable and it did get back on track. Then it changed to once a month, now the last time was 3 months ago. The last couple of weeks we have been talking (or should i say I have been talking) about seperating. She only tells me how she really feels just as I'm about to walk out the door. She says the sex thing is due to the resentment she holds for me because of what happened just before she got pregnant.

Its strange now because its me who feels like I'm chasing the relationship. Last week I found out she was making contact with an ex from 10 years ago...agreed, it could be innocent, but when it happens at a time when your looking to save your current relationship, not sure the timings really that smart! Last thing I'll say is that I had to leave one of my children once, and yes..I was heartbroken. Yes, I can do this again if I must, but last time I was too quick to run and not sort things out like an adult. Funny thing is, she's now acting how I did then. Burying her head in the sand and just hoping it will magically improve. I'm running out of options now, and I'm feeling kinda desperate. I'm just looking to share my story so some neutral eyes may cast a lillte light my way.

Thanks for listening,
Ryan.
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Testpress

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007
Posts: 2

Posted: 11-02-07 12:43pm

mmm...its funny. No replies yet, but I've just had the heart to read my own words. I can see how scared I am but I know what I've got to do...must be said, I do love her though...
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PenguinsRus

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Joined: 05 Nov 2007
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Location: New York, NY United States
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Posted: 11-05-07 14:46pm

Having a child does not bind you to a woman or make it so you have to be with her. If the relationship isn't working, then it isn't working. That doesn't mean you can't still be there for your child. There is a balance between the two; you are perfectly capable of caring for your child without staying in a relationship with the mother. If you two love each other and think you can make it work then try, but don't try to force something that isn't there. No matter what happens, I'm sure it'll work out for you. Hang in there. I wish you the best
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