Depression Forum - Novocain Heart, No Feelings of Love, Just Pressure. Help

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Q: Novocain Heart, No Feelings of Love, Just Pressure. Help

asked by: happybutalone on November 2nd, 2007

New User

I've always been a very loving and giving person. I'm honest to a fault, because I find it's one thing I can respect about myself.

Like everyone I've had many, many heartaches in my life. Love relationships and family related. I've endured and moved on...I try to always put others before myself, but don't try to take advantage of me...cause I will set you straight. Tactfully and politely as possible...but you will feel a bit of a sting. I'm no push over. Every since I was a child I have been able to cut people out of my life, heart and mind if they hurt me intentionally. I really never think on them again, other than to say, “Welp…that was that!”

I'm divorced, 2.5 years now, and have found it extremely difficult to fall in love. I mean, I care for people, (2 men I have dated thugs far) but once we get to the point that a commitment is necessary, or the "I love you till I die" part gets there...I just freeze up. I can't feel a dang thing. I can't stand to go around my guy for more than 2 hours at a time. I panic. The man I'm seeing now (one of the 2 mentioned above) asked me to move in with him...and I freaked out so much I got a dime-size canker sore on the side of my tongue. So much pain, and I couldn’t talk for a week. It was like my body was freaking out right along with my heart.

I know the man I am seeing is wonderful and a life together would be 100x's better than my last marriage. We have so much in common and I'm very happy when I’m with him. But when he said the magic words "we should move in together" all I wanted to do is run. I only feel love for him once in a while now...and it's getting worse. I feel like my heart is protecting itself...and at the same time it’s keeping me from having a wonderful relationship. HELP I don’t' want to screw this up.

I would just go for it (move in), except I can’t live with someone I don’t feel love for. Which is strange…I know I love him, I just can’t feel it. It’s like someone shot Novocain into my heart…the pressure is there…but no feeling.

I've told him these things...and how I feel. I'm going to see a professional about my inability to love and/or to stay in love, but I was hoping this is a common feeling (or lack there of) and that someone here could offer up some advise as to what it is I'm supposed to do to break down these emotional walls that keep me from loving again.

Replies(3)

ciceron

replied on November 18th, 2007

New User

that is difficult to live but you must give you some time: First of all you must accept yourself in the mirror (you are a beautifull woman but I am not talking about that). You must ask yourself: Who am I, Where am I, How I am and most inportantly What do I want. When you will be fair enough with yourself to answer those questions then you will be ready to move on, but He has to accept to wait the time it will take. If not that he wasn't for you and you will find somebody else. Life is not easy and a lot of things takes time but first take care of yourself.
With love from France
Cheers
Arnaud

Mike East Texas

replied on November 19th, 2007

Experienced User

I Think I Know

In my last marriage my wife would say she got butterflies when I was around. I didn't. Maybe, that was part of what killed the marriage. I don't know. My heart seems to be the same way now. I feel nothing but my own desperation. Might try going back to the primative world. It's heard to have feelings of love when you are being chased by a tiger. You have to feel like you are safe from that tiger before you can realize you are even with the right man. I understand the need for physical closeness. But you may be close to this guy because of the tiger that is chasing you. You may be with him just because he is a tiger hunter. What you really desire that will set your heart afire may be another tiger.
Let me explain. What I tend to attract, gets me going is crazy women. The crazier the better. What I want, and what I need is two different things. In psychology, it is called imprinting. When at age 12, if your father was abusive, that is what you will be imprinted to. When I was 12 my mother was going through the change. She treated my Dad badly in that time. My 2 older brothers took wives that corresponded to the way their mother was when they turned 12. Ms Right will never excite me. Ms Wrongs will always be knocking at my door.
Please, I am not a professional. Get counseling. I am just an arm chair psychologist telling where I am comming from on this issue.

RejuveNATION

replied on November 30th, 2007

New User

I Know What You Are Going Through.

What happened with me: I needed my space after living back at my moms house for Nineteen years with two daughters, a sister and her son. So now that I have my own house I let it be known, to my man friend, "Everyone must have their own bedroom" if we were to live in the same house. If we spent 342 visiting eachothers room there are times when I want to be by myself. Committed totally as King and Queen of our lives. But I need time to think, decorate my space, watch the show I want, sleep without the airconditioner on, the little things and not be awaken because he has something he's doing or I can get up and go to my room.

I think everyone should have to go to a marriage counsilor before the marry. Someone to ask the questions that need to be asked, know how to listen and explain the reality of relationships. I like a normal relationship with a twist... Think of the way you want a relationship and talk about with your, then compromise with what he likes.

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