Hi all,

i've been plagued by this question for the longest time, so just wondering if anyone can offer any insights.

This whole thing started about 3.5 years ago when I began my freshman year in college. I was away from family and friends, didnt like the program I was studying, and lost 10 lbs within the first month of school (which is alot when you only weigh about 100 lbs to begin with). Needless to say, I sunk into a hopeless kind of feeling, to the point where I just didnt care about school anymore. I was kicked out after one semester.

I managed to get into another program the year after but I couldnt get over my failure of being kicked out of school. During that time I also faced a death in the family and even more academic hardships. It finally occured to me about a year ago that something wasn't right. I went to my school's counselling service and after a few sessions with my counsellor I was told that I *might* have depression. That summer, I saw a psychiatrist, who referred me to a cognitive therapy group after I refused to take medications. While the group was supportive and I learned new methods on how to cope, I didnt find it very helpful.

For awhile I came to terms with this condition and actually identfied myself with it, but now I have doubts. Is this really depression? The stuff I went through will be hard on anyone. Besides, everyone will feel sad once in awhile. Perhaps I over-reacted? I dont even know which came first - the fact that I felt depressed or that I got kicked out of school 3 years ago. I dont think I was ever officially "diagnosed" either - that psychiatrist I saw made the decision to put me on medications after only talking to me for half an hour and didnt even bother doing a followup! I act cheerful and pleasant around others too - other than a few close friends no one will even suspect that I feel sad. In fact some of them didnt even believe me when I told them. But then, I have lost confidence/trust in myself and everything I do, and it seems like i'll never get it back...