Can't Talk to People, Get Job Etc - Social Interaction. Posted: 11-01-07 20:41pm
Hello people. First thanks for reading
this post. Ok short story first of all to
get the stuff that could be the reason for
my problem out of the way. I was living
with my drug addict parents untill 12,
when I was taken away. Dad used to hit me.
Had major issues with bullying when I was
at school, and now I'm near 18 years old.
I can't do any social interaction, making
a phone call to people I don't know to
well can result in me finding it hard to
breathe, heart rate jumps really high, I
start sweeting and skaing. I have to avoid
all events in which I might have to speak
to someone I don't know, for example I can
never bring myself to ask for a job
application form as I fear they are juding
me and I might make a fool of myself. I
think everyone is talking about me when
ever I am in town. I am not at a point of
my life where leaving the house without
some family member or close freind (I've
got 1 main freind, I try to avoid anyone
else). Can't even go over to the shop
without panicking. Have not contacted
anyone about this as well, I can't without
freaking out. Any comments on this would
be great. Thanks alot.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2393 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-02-07 02:11am
This one is simple to answer.
Coming from an abusive home takes alot of
theorpy. I mean lots. You are constintly
in fear that someone is going to abuse you
verbally or physically. You will are going
to have problems with this most of your
life. This is the unfortunate part about
coming from an abusive home. You become
anti-social in fear. My advice to you is
to start theropy as soon as possible to
try and get a handle on this. You can have
a social life and friends that will treat
you like a human being. Once you get over
your fears, you life will be much better.
Now, this unfortunatly is something that
is never going to go away. The memories
are there forever. But, they can be
brought back to the back of you mind
enough for you to funtion in society. You
are suffering from the fear of being
abused either verbally or physcially by
others. That is a normal thing coming from
an abusive home. Please get some theorpy
ASAP to help you deal with this before it
deals with you.
It is also possible you are suffering from
the feeling of being unacepted by people.
Anyone else want to add some ideas's for
help here?
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dann-b-e
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 2
Low Self Esteem Posted: 11-05-07 11:49am
hi i am here to get help really and i am
shocked a how many others seem to have
anxiety problems! Mine started when i was
about your age except i had ben through
major trauma and the general anxiety set
in ovr the next few years. I just wanna
say to you that you are not alone, even
though your issues are severely isolating
oyu, help is availible, you are not alone
many others including myself are scared of
talking to people but part of the reason
why anxious people dont wnna get help is
because we have kind of put ourselfves
into this state because we are afraid. You
have rally got to be strong and just
surrender & get help. I am going to
the doctor tomorrow to ask for help
because i get huge sense of unrality /
lack of feeling myself while i am at work
(I am off work today) and although a few
weeks ago it was my worst nightmare to
tell anyone i just kinda think well if i
dont tell anyone i wont get anywhere. If
you speak it out and confess it you will
start to feel better straight away
hopefully i know i have even though i am
still scared about when the feelings
come.
All the best & let us know how you get
on.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2393 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Also Posted: 11-05-07 11:57am
There is that constant feeling of
rejection. You have to get over that
hurdle and try and get enough confidence
in youself. The way you present yourself
is the way you are execepted and get
employment. If the see you sitting there
with slugged over shoulders, they will
only see insecurity in you. Like I said.
"Show Your Streangh"!
Carrie
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dave99
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 7
Posted: 11-06-07 13:50pm
First off... I have no proper mental
health training what-so-ever, so take
anything I say with a grain of salt. But I
do have some experience.
It sounds like you were raised in a more
difficult situation than I was, but I did
suffer some of the symptoms you have, and
probably still do to some degree. I was
raised by my mom. Dad bailed and didn't
want to have anything to do with me. On
top of that, my mom probably shouldn't
have ever had a kid. She wasn't very good
at it.
I was incredibly shy as a kid, and well
into being an adult. That's not too
abnormal, but it usually wears off for
most people by the time they get to about
mid grade school. It didn't wear off for
me. As I went up through to high school, I
found it harder and harder to interact
with people, until it got to be
impossible. I had a hard time doing the
most simple things, like just talking to a
stranger or even buying something at a
store. I would have pains in my stomach in
the morning when I had to go to school, or
do anything more than just hang around the
house. I did have some friends, but
managed to alienate most of them. I also
had an incident where two guys basically
tried to abduct me when I was about 12,
which didn't help things. I eventually
dropped out of school because of all
this.
This fear of things and people has lasted
to some extent, but it's worn off quite a
bit. As mentioned, you should try and get
therapy. I wish I had a long time ago,
because I think it's definitely made my
life a lot more difficult without it.
One thing I did that I do think helped a
lot... We eventually moved to a different
city... a much larger city. At first, that
just made me more afraid. But what ended
up happening was, I got a job as a
courier. It was very difficult at first
because I knew nothing about the city. But
what it did was help me learn how to do
things on my own. I drove around by myself
all day, so I didn't have to interact with
people constantly. But when I did, it was
for very short amounts of time. I had to
do all sorts of things like file papers at
courts, go into all sorts of businesses
and different places... The cool thing
was, nobody ever really cared to talk to
me that much, so it slowly allowed me to
just kind of get used to doing all sorts
of different things by myself. For some
reason, when I was doing those things as a
job, it gave me more courage than if I had
been doing them for myself. Maybe there
was something about being in a larger city
too. We came from a town where everybody
knew you, so it was very hard to feel like
somebody wasn't watching you. In a large
city, there's so many people that you just
feel like another one of them... Nobody
knows you.
To this day, I still have problems with
things like that though. But in some ways,
not nearly as much as other people. I have
to do jury duty downtown next week, which
I still dread, but at least I know how to
get downtown and where to go... and that's
more than a lot of people.
It just takes baby steps... Go to the
park, go to church, just go for walks...
Simply getting out and seeing the world
little by little helps. Things you first
dread you may be surprised to find you
actually like after trying them. I know
it's hard, but try not to assume people
are always thinking about you. Because
most of the time, they aren't... trust me.
Most people are so self absorbed, about
the only think they think about is
themselves. There may come a time in your
life when you actually wish people were
thinking about you.
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DigiNews
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 19
Posted: 11-15-07 21:04pm
Thanks guys, I've been reading with
intrest. I contacted a goverment thing
over here in the UK called connexions and
they stated:
Quote:
You do seem to
have a serious problem if you are not able
to interact with
other people on most levels.
I can understand you wanting a job but,
realistically, your situation being
what it is, it would appear that your
chances of getting one are not good.
Maybe it would be better to get your
problem sorted out first.
From what you have said in your email I
feel that you need professional
help with this. There is help available.
Your doctor is the best person to
advise you about the most appropriate
intervention for you. I suggest that
you to visit your doctor as soon as you
can and get the help you
need.
Problem is, I can't even visit doctor, I
know it's stupid but in my head it runs
though everything that can go wrong, down
to the point where the doctor laughs at me
for over-reacting, any tips?
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 11-16-07 22:44pm
I don't know man, you really do need to
get in to see a psychologist. Maybe you
can call around for a home visit? Or would
that not help? I don't know if the anxiety
is related to your physical environment or
not.
Other than that, I can suggest CBT- there
are self-help books that are fairly good
for it that you could buy online, and get
yourself to the point where you can go to
a doc. Does that help at all?
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AlexXD
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 70 Location: ,
Posted: 11-16-07 22:51pm
I agree with Georgia59.
I really hope you get through this.
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DigiNews
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 19
Posted: 11-28-07 01:49am
Ok I've been changing my thought pattern
resently, every time I have to do social
interaction I've been working on a list of
things which I tell myself. Today I've got
a job interview, and I think if I can get
though this I am on the road to being a
little more relaxed. I've removed Cola
from my diet as I think it did not help at
all, I drunk at least 3-4 liters a day,
that input of caffine can not be doing any
good! I will be back in about 2 hours and
I hope at that time I can tell you how it
went! Thanks for your comments everyone,
you've really helped.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 11-28-07 14:21pm
That sounds great!! good luck on the job
interview. Let us know how it goes!
and the cola thing- I was totally addicted
to coke for a while and finally I am
caffeine free. Never felt better!
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DigiNews
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 19
Posted: 11-29-07 01:26am
I got it . I've got to phone
the lady up today to sort out my days, but
woo! Now I'm dreading having to phone her
up today. Heh
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 11-29-07 13:17pm
DigiNews
wrote:
I got it . I've got to phone
the lady up today to sort out my days, but
woo! Now I'm dreading having to phone her
up today. Heh
Woo hoo! I'm so happy for you. Don't worry
about the call, you'll be fine. You
already did the hard part- interviews are
always nervewracking.
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DigiNews
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 19
Grah. Life is never as easy as it seems at first. Posted: 04-24-08 09:02am
Ok job was nice but I had to quit in the
end. Making phone calls at work to ring up
customers just sent shivers down my spine,
I started sweating and could hardly
breath, work was really good about it, but
it's just not fair on them. So now back to
point one. If I go to the Doctors I'm sure
he would just think I'm stupid and over
reacting, but for example right now I have
a email from a bank saying they think they
can offer me a job I've just got to ring
someone, and I can't. I would love the job
as well. This is starting to really get me
down. I'm now 18 and can't do a thing.
Calling up mates to arrange days out,
can't do, meeting some girl I like, can't
do. Upgrading my bank account, can't do.
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 04-24-08 09:37am
No doctor is going to laugh at your or
tell you that you are over reacting.
It is their sole duty to help people in
all different situations, through all
different walks of life.
Maybe you can search for a doctor online
and e-mail the office to let them know
what is going on.
But they are not going to laugh-I
guarantee it.
Especially psychologists. They are there
for these specific problems. It is against
medical ethics to laugh at a patient and
they could lose their job for it.
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DigiNews
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 19
Posted: 05-25-08 13:43pm
I'm going crazy. I don't mean to act dumb
or sound like I'm taking the piss, which
I'm sure it does sound like, but going
over previous blog posts I've made on
facebook (private blog, just so I can
remember my thoughts) I'm starting to if
anything, hope I have a reason for this
slow depressing fall into losing my own
mind. For example a sample post below of
my general thought pattern
Quote:
It’s funny, all my life I try and run
away from emotions. The Emotions which
make me feel like life is worth living,
and the ones which make me feel like
I’ve already lived too much. Running
away is the only thing I can do. Face your
emotions and you see just what a world we
live in. The World we live in, the world
full of blinded lights of power, money and
selfishness.
I really don’t know how to explain the
battle that is going on in my mind; I have
two people, two thought patterns. The one
which is trying hard to be normal and the
one which knows normal means evil, the
result of the battle is the hiding of my
emotions. Out of all the emotions I have,
sadness is the one I truly like. Sadness
is the core emotion to improvement. I’m
sitting here with tears running down my
face, the droplets falling to the wooden
floor. I’m going crazy, I know it. I
know that I can’t face a world in which
is divided, a world which relies on luck,
luck of being born in the right place,
luck of being strong enough to face the
days which bring you down.
How can I keep going? How can I keep
expecting for the better days to come.
Better days not for me, but for the
millions of suffering people around the
world. If life is a challenge, then
Mankind has failed. Mankind must not be
allowed to continue to fail.
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antigone
Supporter
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 918 Location: IL
Thanks: 45
Thanked:16
Posted: 05-26-08 00:02am
Have you been to a psychiatrist? You sound
like you are dealing with an anxiety
disorder and depression. You may want to
get an evaluation from a psychiatrist. You
had a lot of stress early in life. All of
that can take its toll on you. I hope you
will consider seeking some professional
help. You don't have to live with the fear
and anxiety you suffer with. Some of what
you wrote suggests that you may have a
mood disorder. It may be worth exploring
with a psychiatrist. Treatment can help
you. All the best.
