Anxiety and Stress Forum - Can't Talk to People, Get Job Etc - Social Interaction.
Medical questions     Health forums     Help    

Can't Talk to People, Get Job Etc - Social Interaction.

New Topic  Reply  Ask A Doctor - Offline
Medical Questions-> Health Forums -> Anxiety and Stress -> Can't Talk to People, Get Job Etc - Social Interaction.
Medical Questions
Author Message
DigiNews

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 19
Can't Talk to People, Get Job Etc - Social Interaction.
Posted: 11-01-07 20:41pm

Hello people. First thanks for reading this post. Ok short story first of all to get the stuff that could be the reason for my problem out of the way. I was living with my drug addict parents untill 12, when I was taken away. Dad used to hit me. Had major issues with bullying when I was at school, and now I'm near 18 years old.

I can't do any social interaction, making a phone call to people I don't know to well can result in me finding it hard to breathe, heart rate jumps really high, I start sweeting and skaing. I have to avoid all events in which I might have to speak to someone I don't know, for example I can never bring myself to ask for a job application form as I fear they are juding me and I might make a fool of myself. I think everyone is talking about me when ever I am in town. I am not at a point of my life where leaving the house without some family member or close freind (I've got 1 main freind, I try to avoid anyone else). Can't even go over to the shop without panicking. Have not contacted anyone about this as well, I can't without freaking out. Any comments on this would be great. Thanks alot.
|
CarolDiane

Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Posts: 2393
Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156

Posted: 11-02-07 02:11am

This one is simple to answer.
Coming from an abusive home takes alot of theorpy. I mean lots. You are constintly in fear that someone is going to abuse you verbally or physically. You will are going to have problems with this most of your life. This is the unfortunate part about coming from an abusive home. You become anti-social in fear. My advice to you is to start theropy as soon as possible to try and get a handle on this. You can have a social life and friends that will treat you like a human being. Once you get over your fears, you life will be much better. Now, this unfortunatly is something that is never going to go away. The memories are there forever. But, they can be brought back to the back of you mind enough for you to funtion in society. You are suffering from the fear of being abused either verbally or physcially by others. That is a normal thing coming from an abusive home. Please get some theorpy ASAP to help you deal with this before it deals with you.
It is also possible you are suffering from the feeling of being unacepted by people.

Anyone else want to add some ideas's for help here?
|
dann-b-e

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
Low Self Esteem
Posted: 11-05-07 11:49am

hi i am here to get help really and i am shocked a how many others seem to have anxiety problems! Mine started when i was about your age except i had ben through major trauma and the general anxiety set in ovr the next few years. I just wanna say to you that you are not alone, even though your issues are severely isolating oyu, help is availible, you are not alone many others including myself are scared of talking to people but part of the reason why anxious people dont wnna get help is because we have kind of put ourselfves into this state because we are afraid. You have rally got to be strong and just surrender & get help. I am going to the doctor tomorrow to ask for help because i get huge sense of unrality / lack of feeling myself while i am at work (I am off work today) and although a few weeks ago it was my worst nightmare to tell anyone i just kinda think well if i dont tell anyone i wont get anywhere. If you speak it out and confess it you will start to feel better straight away hopefully i know i have even though i am still scared about when the feelings come.
All the best & let us know how you get on.
|
CarolDiane

Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Posts: 2393
Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Also
Posted: 11-05-07 11:57am

There is that constant feeling of rejection. You have to get over that hurdle and try and get enough confidence in youself. The way you present yourself is the way you are execepted and get employment. If the see you sitting there with slugged over shoulders, they will only see insecurity in you. Like I said. "Show Your Streangh"!

Carrie
|
dave99

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 7

Posted: 11-06-07 13:50pm

First off... I have no proper mental health training what-so-ever, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. But I do have some experience.

It sounds like you were raised in a more difficult situation than I was, but I did suffer some of the symptoms you have, and probably still do to some degree. I was raised by my mom. Dad bailed and didn't want to have anything to do with me. On top of that, my mom probably shouldn't have ever had a kid. She wasn't very good at it.

I was incredibly shy as a kid, and well into being an adult. That's not too abnormal, but it usually wears off for most people by the time they get to about mid grade school. It didn't wear off for me. As I went up through to high school, I found it harder and harder to interact with people, until it got to be impossible. I had a hard time doing the most simple things, like just talking to a stranger or even buying something at a store. I would have pains in my stomach in the morning when I had to go to school, or do anything more than just hang around the house. I did have some friends, but managed to alienate most of them. I also had an incident where two guys basically tried to abduct me when I was about 12, which didn't help things. I eventually dropped out of school because of all this.

This fear of things and people has lasted to some extent, but it's worn off quite a bit. As mentioned, you should try and get therapy. I wish I had a long time ago, because I think it's definitely made my life a lot more difficult without it.

One thing I did that I do think helped a lot... We eventually moved to a different city... a much larger city. At first, that just made me more afraid. But what ended up happening was, I got a job as a courier. It was very difficult at first because I knew nothing about the city. But what it did was help me learn how to do things on my own. I drove around by myself all day, so I didn't have to interact with people constantly. But when I did, it was for very short amounts of time. I had to do all sorts of things like file papers at courts, go into all sorts of businesses and different places... The cool thing was, nobody ever really cared to talk to me that much, so it slowly allowed me to just kind of get used to doing all sorts of different things by myself. For some reason, when I was doing those things as a job, it gave me more courage than if I had been doing them for myself. Maybe there was something about being in a larger city too. We came from a town where everybody knew you, so it was very hard to feel like somebody wasn't watching you. In a large city, there's so many people that you just feel like another one of them... Nobody knows you.

To this day, I still have problems with things like that though. But in some ways, not nearly as much as other people. I have to do jury duty downtown next week, which I still dread, but at least I know how to get downtown and where to go... and that's more than a lot of people.

It just takes baby steps... Go to the park, go to church, just go for walks... Simply getting out and seeing the world little by little helps. Things you first dread you may be surprised to find you actually like after trying them. I know it's hard, but try not to assume people are always thinking about you. Because most of the time, they aren't... trust me. Most people are so self absorbed, about the only think they think about is themselves. There may come a time in your life when you actually wish people were thinking about you.
|
DigiNews

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 19

Posted: 11-15-07 21:04pm

Thanks guys, I've been reading with intrest. I contacted a goverment thing over here in the UK called connexions and they stated:

Quote:
You do seem to have a serious problem if you are not able to interact with
other people on most levels.

I can understand you wanting a job but, realistically, your situation being
what it is, it would appear that your chances of getting one are not good.
Maybe it would be better to get your problem sorted out first.

From what you have said in your email I feel that you need professional
help with this. There is help available. Your doctor is the best person to
advise you about the most appropriate intervention for you. I suggest that
you to visit your doctor as soon as you can and get the help you need.


Problem is, I can't even visit doctor, I know it's stupid but in my head it runs though everything that can go wrong, down to the point where the doctor laughs at me for over-reacting, any tips?
|
Georgia59

Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 5542
Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31

Posted: 11-16-07 22:44pm

I don't know man, you really do need to get in to see a psychologist. Maybe you can call around for a home visit? Or would that not help? I don't know if the anxiety is related to your physical environment or not.

Other than that, I can suggest CBT- there are self-help books that are fairly good for it that you could buy online, and get yourself to the point where you can go to a doc. Does that help at all?
|
AlexXD

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Posts: 70
Location: ,

Posted: 11-16-07 22:51pm

I agree with Georgia59.
I really hope you get through this.
Smile
|
DigiNews

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 19

Posted: 11-28-07 01:49am

Ok I've been changing my thought pattern resently, every time I have to do social interaction I've been working on a list of things which I tell myself. Today I've got a job interview, and I think if I can get though this I am on the road to being a little more relaxed. I've removed Cola from my diet as I think it did not help at all, I drunk at least 3-4 liters a day, that input of caffine can not be doing any good! I will be back in about 2 hours and I hope at that time I can tell you how it went! Thanks for your comments everyone, you've really helped.
|
Georgia59

Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 5542
Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31

Posted: 11-28-07 14:21pm

That sounds great!! good luck on the job interview. Let us know how it goes!

and the cola thing- I was totally addicted to coke for a while and finally I am caffeine free. Never felt better!
|
DigiNews

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 19

Posted: 11-29-07 01:26am

I got it Smile. I've got to phone the lady up today to sort out my days, but woo! Now I'm dreading having to phone her up today. Heh
|
Georgia59

Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 5542
Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31

Posted: 11-29-07 13:17pm

DigiNews wrote:
I got it Smile. I've got to phone the lady up today to sort out my days, but woo! Now I'm dreading having to phone her up today. Heh

Woo hoo! I'm so happy for you. Don't worry about the call, you'll be fine. You already did the hard part- interviews are always nervewracking.

yes yes
|
DigiNews

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 19
Grah. Life is never as easy as it seems at first.
Posted: 04-24-08 09:02am

Ok job was nice but I had to quit in the end. Making phone calls at work to ring up customers just sent shivers down my spine, I started sweating and could hardly breath, work was really good about it, but it's just not fair on them. So now back to point one. If I go to the Doctors I'm sure he would just think I'm stupid and over reacting, but for example right now I have a email from a bank saying they think they can offer me a job I've just got to ring someone, and I can't. I would love the job as well. This is starting to really get me down. I'm now 18 and can't do a thing. Calling up mates to arrange days out, can't do, meeting some girl I like, can't do. Upgrading my bank account, can't do. Sad
|
Marianne0558

Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 1726
Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6

Posted: 04-24-08 09:37am

No doctor is going to laugh at your or tell you that you are over reacting.
It is their sole duty to help people in all different situations, through all different walks of life.
Maybe you can search for a doctor online and e-mail the office to let them know what is going on.
But they are not going to laugh-I guarantee it.
Especially psychologists. They are there for these specific problems. It is against medical ethics to laugh at a patient and they could lose their job for it.
|
DigiNews

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 19

Posted: 05-25-08 13:43pm

I'm going crazy. I don't mean to act dumb or sound like I'm taking the piss, which I'm sure it does sound like, but going over previous blog posts I've made on facebook (private blog, just so I can remember my thoughts) I'm starting to if anything, hope I have a reason for this slow depressing fall into losing my own mind. For example a sample post below of my general thought pattern

Quote:


It’s funny, all my life I try and run away from emotions. The Emotions which make me feel like life is worth living, and the ones which make me feel like I’ve already lived too much. Running away is the only thing I can do. Face your emotions and you see just what a world we live in. The World we live in, the world full of blinded lights of power, money and selfishness.

I really don’t know how to explain the battle that is going on in my mind; I have two people, two thought patterns. The one which is trying hard to be normal and the one which knows normal means evil, the result of the battle is the hiding of my emotions. Out of all the emotions I have, sadness is the one I truly like. Sadness is the core emotion to improvement. I’m sitting here with tears running down my face, the droplets falling to the wooden floor. I’m going crazy, I know it. I know that I can’t face a world in which is divided, a world which relies on luck, luck of being born in the right place, luck of being strong enough to face the days which bring you down.

How can I keep going? How can I keep expecting for the better days to come. Better days not for me, but for the millions of suffering people around the world. If life is a challenge, then Mankind has failed. Mankind must not be allowed to continue to fail.
|
antigone

Supporter
Joined: 27 Jan 2008
Posts: 918
Location: IL
Thanks: 45
Thanked:16

Posted: 05-26-08 00:02am

Have you been to a psychiatrist? You sound like you are dealing with an anxiety disorder and depression. You may want to get an evaluation from a psychiatrist. You had a lot of stress early in life. All of that can take its toll on you. I hope you will consider seeking some professional help. You don't have to live with the fear and anxiety you suffer with. Some of what you wrote suggests that you may have a mood disorder. It may be worth exploring with a psychiatrist. Treatment can help you. All the best.
|
Related Topics
This Forum This Category All Forums
Jump to:  
New Topic   Reply
Medical Questions -> Health Forums -> Anxiety and Stress -> Can't Talk to People, Get Job Etc - Social Interaction.



We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.