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Can't Talk to People, Get Job Etc - Social Interaction. (Page 1)

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Hello people. First thanks for reading this post. Ok short story first of all to get the stuff that could be the reason for my problem out of the way. I was living with my drug addict parents untill 12, when I was taken away. Dad used to hit me. Had major issues with bullying when I was at school, and now I'm near 18 years old.

I can't do any social interaction, making a phone call to people I don't know to well can result in me finding it hard to breathe, heart rate jumps really high, I start sweeting and skaing. I have to avoid all events in which I might have to speak to someone I don't know, for example I can never bring myself to ask for a job application form as I fear they are juding me and I might make a fool of myself. I think everyone is talking about me when ever I am in town. I am not at a point of my life where leaving the house without some family member or close freind (I've got 1 main freind, I try to avoid anyone else). Can't even go over to the shop without panicking. Have not contacted anyone about this as well, I can't without freaking out. Any comments on this would be great. Thanks alot.
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First Helper dave99
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replied November 2nd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
This one is simple to answer.
Coming from an abusive home takes alot of theorpy. I mean lots. You are constintly in fear that someone is going to abuse you verbally or physically. You will are going to have problems with this most of your life. This is the unfortunate part about coming from an abusive home. You become anti-social in fear. My advice to you is to start theropy as soon as possible to try and get a handle on this. You can have a social life and friends that will treat you like a human being. Once you get over your fears, you life will be much better. Now, this unfortunatly is something that is never going to go away. The memories are there forever. But, they can be brought back to the back of you mind enough for you to funtion in society. You are suffering from the fear of being abused either verbally or physcially by others. That is a normal thing coming from an abusive home. Please get some theorpy ASAP to help you deal with this before it deals with you.
It is also possible you are suffering from the feeling of being unacepted by people.

Anyone else want to add some ideas's for help here?
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replied November 5th, 2007
Low Self Esteem
hi i am here to get help really and i am shocked a how many others seem to have anxiety problems! Mine started when i was about your age except i had ben through major trauma and the general anxiety set in ovr the next few years. I just wanna say to you that you are not alone, even though your issues are severely isolating oyu, help is availible, you are not alone many others including myself are scared of talking to people but part of the reason why anxious people dont wnna get help is because we have kind of put ourselfves into this state because we are afraid. You have rally got to be strong and just surrender & get help. I am going to the doctor tomorrow to ask for help because i get huge sense of unrality / lack of feeling myself while i am at work (I am off work today) and although a few weeks ago it was my worst nightmare to tell anyone i just kinda think well if i dont tell anyone i wont get anywhere. If you speak it out and confess it you will start to feel better straight away hopefully i know i have even though i am still scared about when the feelings come.
All the best & let us know how you get on.
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replied November 5th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Also
There is that constant feeling of rejection. You have to get over that hurdle and try and get enough confidence in youself. The way you present yourself is the way you are execepted and get employment. If the see you sitting there with slugged over shoulders, they will only see insecurity in you. Like I said. "Show Your Streangh"!

Carrie
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replied November 6th, 2007
First off... I have no proper mental health training what-so-ever, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. But I do have some experience.

It sounds like you were raised in a more difficult situation than I was, but I did suffer some of the symptoms you have, and probably still do to some degree. I was raised by my mom. Dad bailed and didn't want to have anything to do with me. On top of that, my mom probably shouldn't have ever had a kid. She wasn't very good at it.

I was incredibly shy as a kid, and well into being an adult. That's not too abnormal, but it usually wears off for most people by the time they get to about mid grade school. It didn't wear off for me. As I went up through to high school, I found it harder and harder to interact with people, until it got to be impossible. I had a hard time doing the most simple things, like just talking to a stranger or even buying something at a store. I would have pains in my stomach in the morning when I had to go to school, or do anything more than just hang around the house. I did have some friends, but managed to alienate most of them. I also had an incident where two guys basically tried to abduct me when I was about 12, which didn't help things. I eventually dropped out of school because of all this.

This fear of things and people has lasted to some extent, but it's worn off quite a bit. As mentioned, you should try and get therapy. I wish I had a long time ago, because I think it's definitely made my life a lot more difficult without it.

One thing I did that I do think helped a lot... We eventually moved to a different city... a much larger city. At first, that just made me more afraid. But what ended up happening was, I got a job as a courier. It was very difficult at first because I knew nothing about the city. But what it did was help me learn how to do things on my own. I drove around by myself all day, so I didn't have to interact with people constantly. But when I did, it was for very short amounts of time. I had to do all sorts of things like file papers at courts, go into all sorts of businesses and different places... The cool thing was, nobody ever really cared to talk to me that much, so it slowly allowed me to just kind of get used to doing all sorts of different things by myself. For some reason, when I was doing those things as a job, it gave me more courage than if I had been doing them for myself. Maybe there was something about being in a larger city too. We came from a town where everybody knew you, so it was very hard to feel like somebody wasn't watching you. In a large city, there's so many people that you just feel like another one of them... Nobody knows you.

To this day, I still have problems with things like that though. But in some ways, not nearly as much as other people. I have to do jury duty downtown next week, which I still dread, but at least I know how to get downtown and where to go... and that's more than a lot of people.

It just takes baby steps... Go to the park, go to church, just go for walks... Simply getting out and seeing the world little by little helps. Things you first dread you may be surprised to find you actually like after trying them. I know it's hard, but try not to assume people are always thinking about you. Because most of the time, they aren't... trust me. Most people are so self absorbed, about the only think they think about is themselves. There may come a time in your life when you actually wish people were thinking about you.
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replied November 15th, 2007
Thanks guys, I've been reading with intrest. I contacted a goverment thing over here in the UK called connexions and they stated:

Quote:
You do seem to have a serious problem if you are not able to interact with
other people on most levels.

I can understand you wanting a job but, realistically, your situation being
what it is, it would appear that your chances of getting one are not good.
Maybe it would be better to get your problem sorted out first.

From what you have said in your email I feel that you need professional
help with this. There is help available. Your doctor is the best person to
advise you about the most appropriate intervention for you. I suggest that
you to visit your doctor as soon as you can and get the help you need.


Problem is, I can't even visit doctor, I know it's stupid but in my head it runs though everything that can go wrong, down to the point where the doctor laughs at me for over-reacting, any tips?
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replied November 16th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
I don't know man, you really do need to get in to see a psychologist. Maybe you can call around for a home visit? Or would that not help? I don't know if the anxiety is related to your physical environment or not.

Other than that, I can suggest CBT- there are self-help books that are fairly good for it that you could buy online, and get yourself to the point where you can go to a doc. Does that help at all?
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replied November 16th, 2007
Experienced User
I agree with Georgia59.
I really hope you get through this.
Smile
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replied November 28th, 2007
Ok I've been changing my thought pattern resently, every time I have to do social interaction I've been working on a list of things which I tell myself. Today I've got a job interview, and I think if I can get though this I am on the road to being a little more relaxed. I've removed Cola from my diet as I think it did not help at all, I drunk at least 3-4 liters a day, that input of caffine can not be doing any good! I will be back in about 2 hours and I hope at that time I can tell you how it went! Thanks for your comments everyone, you've really helped.
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replied November 28th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
That sounds great!! good luck on the job interview. Let us know how it goes!

and the cola thing- I was totally addicted to coke for a while and finally I am caffeine free. Never felt better!
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replied November 29th, 2007
I got it Smile. I've got to phone the lady up today to sort out my days, but woo! Now I'm dreading having to phone her up today. Heh
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replied November 29th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
DigiNews wrote:
I got it Smile. I've got to phone the lady up today to sort out my days, but woo! Now I'm dreading having to phone her up today. Heh

Woo hoo! I'm so happy for you. Don't worry about the call, you'll be fine. You already did the hard part- interviews are always nervewracking.

yes yes
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replied April 24th, 2008
Grah. Life is never as easy as it seems at first.
Ok job was nice but I had to quit in the end. Making phone calls at work to ring up customers just sent shivers down my spine, I started sweating and could hardly breath, work was really good about it, but it's just not fair on them. So now back to point one. If I go to the Doctors I'm sure he would just think I'm stupid and over reacting, but for example right now I have a email from a bank saying they think they can offer me a job I've just got to ring someone, and I can't. I would love the job as well. This is starting to really get me down. I'm now 18 and can't do a thing. Calling up mates to arrange days out, can't do, meeting some girl I like, can't do. Upgrading my bank account, can't do. Sad
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replied April 24th, 2008
Supporter
No doctor is going to laugh at your or tell you that you are over reacting.
It is their sole duty to help people in all different situations, through all different walks of life.
Maybe you can search for a doctor online and e-mail the office to let them know what is going on.
But they are not going to laugh-I guarantee it.
Especially psychologists. They are there for these specific problems. It is against medical ethics to laugh at a patient and they could lose their job for it.
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replied May 25th, 2008
I'm going crazy. I don't mean to act dumb or sound like I'm taking the piss, which I'm sure it does sound like, but going over previous blog posts I've made on facebook (private blog, just so I can remember my thoughts) I'm starting to if anything, hope I have a reason for this slow depressing fall into losing my own mind. For example a sample post below of my general thought pattern

Quote:


It’s funny, all my life I try and run away from emotions. The Emotions which make me feel like life is worth living, and the ones which make me feel like I’ve already lived too much. Running away is the only thing I can do. Face your emotions and you see just what a world we live in. The World we live in, the world full of blinded lights of power, money and selfishness.

I really don’t know how to explain the battle that is going on in my mind; I have two people, two thought patterns. The one which is trying hard to be normal and the one which knows normal means evil, the result of the battle is the hiding of my emotions. Out of all the emotions I have, sadness is the one I truly like. Sadness is the core emotion to improvement. I’m sitting here with tears running down my face, the droplets falling to the wooden floor. I’m going crazy, I know it. I know that I can’t face a world in which is divided, a world which relies on luck, luck of being born in the right place, luck of being strong enough to face the days which bring you down.

How can I keep going? How can I keep expecting for the better days to come. Better days not for me, but for the millions of suffering people around the world. If life is a challenge, then Mankind has failed. Mankind must not be allowed to continue to fail.
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replied May 26th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Have you been to a psychiatrist? You sound like you are dealing with an anxiety disorder and depression. You may want to get an evaluation from a psychiatrist. You had a lot of stress early in life. All of that can take its toll on you. I hope you will consider seeking some professional help. You don't have to live with the fear and anxiety you suffer with. Some of what you wrote suggests that you may have a mood disorder. It may be worth exploring with a psychiatrist. Treatment can help you. All the best.
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replied November 13th, 2008
The thing is I really would not class myself as depressed. I mean don't get me wrong, some things really make me break down, down to even TV shows with happy familys (I know this are over the top etc, but still..). It's hard to think what the future will hold. I can't think in the future and say I want xyz without panicing about social encounters. The fact is its a catch 33. I know I want to get out of this trap, but phoning the Doctor is I think going to be impossible, and despite knowing otherwise I''ve managed to convince myself the Doctor will laugh me out of his Doctors surgery. It's been a year since I posted this topic, and it's got worse. It's getting worse emotionally.. sometimes the easy way out seems the best way. I just felt I should post an update as you have all been very helpful.
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replied September 29th, 2009
Let's find an answer together.
Well, I'm exactly the same as you. But also, one year ago, I could probably talk with Bill Gates and sound more powerful and confident than him. But something happened at work that made me crash and I'm having all of those issues like you. For the last 7 months I've been trying to figure out how to fix it and I'm going deep into the chemistry of my body. Questions like what makes my throat so tight that I can't speak etc.. I was able to fix everything (anxiety) in the matter of seconds, but lasted only for two days. Try to write out your emotions. Something happened with you that set off this anxiety and you are keeping it in the stomach. The problem is not head but stomach. This is where it can be fixed. And you problem starts at stomach (or liver) and goes up to your throat and then goes in sinuses. Do you feel sinuses when you are breathing? Are they closed? Do you have irregular breathing (inhaling ok, but exhaling not continious)? I'd like to get in contact with you. There are many more things I'd like to talk to you and I think we can help each other.
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replied May 22nd, 2010
How are ya?
Hi Diginews,

After reading your own accounts of social phobia, I would like to contact you. I myself have been abused and bullied from a very young age. Only I haven't sought professional help to find a solution to resolve the disorder I have for not being able to speak fluently. I don't know if things have improved for you since (I hope they have) but I think it would help if we and a few others alike could communicate for support and advice.

Joanna.
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replied May 6th, 2011
I sent you a message DigiNews, in case you check this one day. I hope you can remember your password!

If anyone else is in a very similar situation to DigiNews, especially in the UK, send me a message if you're willing to chat. I have exactly the same symptoms but I'm not as sure why.

Anyone abused shouldn't be worried about getting help from a professional, everyone knows that's serious. My upbringing wasn't too bad so I can't really take that to the doctor.

I think the best help for me would be if I could anonymously talk to a doctor and then go to see them once I feel like they take me seriously. This should be a service for people like us. If you know of something similar please respond, thanks.

P.S. this forum didn't make me jump through hoops to sign up and I just noticed if you edit your post you can choose "Notify me when a reply is posted".
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