Is just a slight tingle like you want more having an orgasm?

I have heard some women don't, you'll know when you are having one!!! I was sexually abused by a family member for a long time. I was just told by a friend it is all in my mind. I can masturbate and make myself orgasm, but sometimes that doesn't feel all that intense. and other times it is and I want to go back for more. The problem is, it has nothing to do with toys or inserting anything, not even a finger it is all external. How do I really know and how does a man know if you are are not? I can't tell when a man does either unless they do that last thrust thing and make noise.