Broken Hearted Forum - I Don't Know What to Do.

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > I Don't Know What to Do.

Q: I Don't Know What to Do.

asked by: Deeply Saddened on April 5th, 2004

New User

I began dating the most wonderful woman in the world on july 4, 2000. I knew early on that she was the woman of my dreams. She's the only person in my life - including family - that I completely trust and feel totally comfortable around. She's amazing. Her compassion, personality, loving attitude, etc. Is amazing.

We've always known we'd get married. Times have been tough during our relationship because she went back to school and I was struggling financially because of my job. On top of all that I have lived my entire live behind a bunch of walls because of a bad family life. She is very open and loving. I, too, am very loving but i've always had a hard time showing it because of the walls.

We've been really good for each other in that we've grown tremendously during our time together. I've put off getting engaged because I was too concerned with trying to make everything perfect for her. I wanted to be able to give her a nice house, nice vacations, etc. Simply put, I was worried about the things that didn't matter instead of just marrying her. Instead of just giving in to our love I tried to make it too good. Being a perfectionist has always been a problem of mine.

A few weeks ago she dropped a bomb when she said she couldn't do this anymore. My personal defense mechanisms have kept me from just being the person i'm capable of being. As a result, i've pushed her away. This has forced to to take a long, hard look at myself for the first time in my life. I know realize where i've gone wrong. Through soul searchig, counseling, and the help of some recommended reading material, i've made some unbelievable changes in my life. I just wish it hadn't come to this to bring these realizations to the surface.

All of my hopes and dreams for my life have been based on spending it with her. I want nothing more than to be with her the rest of my life. I know I will never find anyone like her. I have been deeply depressed for the last few weeks and it only seems to be getting worse. She wants some distance for now but I find that it's hard to respect that wish.

I know that if she just gives me a chance she will realize i'm the man for her. She still loves me but i'm afraid she's scared I will hurt her again. Please understand that my intentions have always been the best but the end result is now a disaster.

I don't know what to do. I love her more than life itself and I can't imagine living my life without her. All I want is to be with her.

Replies(6)

sandyallen

replied on April 5th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

the Wall

It is time to break down that wall and be yourself. I know it is real difficult at times! You have to realize no one or nothing is perfect! And tell yourself that today is the first day of the rest of your life and that we all have problems, have you ever thought of emdr, this is done by the knee taping it is done by a psychologist, not a psychiatrist it has helped a lot of people with past problems, it takes you back to your troubled times and it alows you to release the negativeness in the past, it really is a great release! I hope this has helped!
Always,
sandy

Deeply Saddened

replied on April 5th, 2004

New User

I have sought out help that allowed me to face many of my past issues as well as realease much of the good i've always had bottled up inside of me. The real problem is that she's not here to share it with me. I know she loves me. Hell, she was physically ill and had to miss work for two days when she told me.

I don't know what to do. I'm lost.

2ferano

replied on April 7th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Well, the only thing you can do is tell her what you just told us. If you want to keep her in your life that is what you are going to have to do.

sandyallen

replied on April 8th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

This is true! I agree!
Sincerely,
sandy

Saraphia

replied on April 22nd, 2004

New User

Broken Hearted

I was just passing through and I read your post. I am so sorry to hear about this. My boyfriend (now husband for 4 years) and I went through something very similar. He was so afraid and so unsure of himself and I took that as a form of rejection, which I know now was wrong. I never got upset with him or fussed at him, I just started putting some space between the two of us. Once he explained to me exactly how he was feeling and held nothing back, I understood him and he felt more comfortable in making this huge decision. You have to tell her what you feel, just like you did in your post. You have to tell her everything, including your fears, etc. - afterall, this is the person that you love enough to marry and this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You will find that you will feel much more at ease and so will she. I hope that this helps some.

nice2beeme

replied on April 25th, 2004

New User

Well first of all I would like to tell you that this is not just a problem for you but I found out that most men always hold back what they really need to share with the one that they say they love instead of holding back. What men don't know about most women is that we are very understandable people and we love to communicate. Men biggest problem is communication.So if she do give you another chance please tell her what you are feeling and what you are not feeling. We can read minds but sometimes we want a day off from that do you feel me Cool

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