Dear friends,

I may post this in another forum as I am desperate for an answer. I hope that is okay. I really appreciate any help I can get (or any intentions to help )

I am young, eighteen years old. Shortly before starting university this past August, I was at a house party and saw some people preparing lines of cocaine. I am what you may call a very adventurous person; I have a strong need to experience anything just once; I feel good being able to tell myself I have done something most people have not and would not (it is vanity, I know). In fact, while most young people promise themselves they will never touch drugs, I once made a vow to myself that if the opportunity to use cocaine ever arose that I would make necessary provisions for the day/night so that I could experiment with it. Therefore, I asked the person for a some and she obliged, showing me how to insufflate it.

It obviously felt good; I have not felt inclined to do it again nor have I even been in contact with somebody who could facilitate the procurement of the drug for me since that night.

But anyway, as the effect of the drug was wearing off, I suddenly remembered that I had a medical check up the following morning, for immunization forms for school. As those who are knowledgeable about cocaine know, the "crash" involves a lot of anxiety and paranoia. So I became incredibly anxious, convinced that I would take a urine test, that the results would indicate I had used cocaine, and that my parents would find out and my whole life would blow apart.

It is inexplicable because logically I know that even if the doctor was going to ask for a urine sample they would not test for these things for school immunization forms! Yet I was paranoid nevertheless

I went home and began drinking juice and water in copious amounts, I went to the physician's office the following morning. You should have seen me in the waiting room; I kept filling cup after cup of water from the tank and drinking it while waiting to be called. I went into the office and my blood pressure was high enough that the nurse remarked about it, but at any rate the doctor came in and I was incredibly nervous. I was still crashing and felt convinced I had ruined my life. There was no urine sample, but I was a damn fool and at the end, when my doctor was asking me about drug use, I froze for a little bit, he looked at me expectantly, and I explained what happened the previous night (I really felt as though I were being interrogated by government intelligence)

Anyway, at the time I didn't know anything about insurance or medical records. I had just become independent of my parents in this regard and left my pediatrician. Obviously, I didn't want this to go on my records but my anxiety caused me to crack and tell the doctor what happened. At the time I was worried my parents would realize what I had done and the doctor reassured me that it was unimaginable that they would, so I calmed down.

Lately however, I have been trying to learn more about medical records and I see that they are not as confidential as I had figured they would be. I know that, for example, this incident precludes me from working in law enforcement or things like that (not that I care about that, it just makes me wonder); I also expect my insurance rates will be high throughout life because of this, but I am wondering how else this will effect me. Suppose I wanted to work with charitable organizations abroad like...say...the peace corps. Would this preclude me? How will it affect my future?

I don't know why I felt compelled to write all of that, I could have just asked what one incident of cocaine-use at age 18 would do to my future...at any rate I am, for some reason, experiencing a great degree of anxiety about this such that it is interfering with my life, and would be extremely grateful for any enlightenment.

Take care, and for those in this forum who were not as fortunate in life circumstances as me and have had to deal with addiction, I truly wish you all the best.