Pregnancy Community Chat Forum

Pregnancy Forum > Pregnancy Community Chat Forum > Why!?

What happens during labor? What do contractions feel like? And how do I know that labor has begun? Read on to learn about birthing basics....

Q: Why!?

asked by: Euphoric on October 29th, 2007

New User

Hey guys! So, I have posted a few times on this site.. mostly to talk about my issues about getting pregnant.
Well.. I was hit with some terrible news this weekend, and just cant seem to get over it.
I am from a family of four. With my parents and a younger sister (she is 18).
My sister and I are pretty close, but she has always been the wild one, while I was pretty laid back.

While we were driving to San Fransisco yesterday, we started a conversation about our cousin, and how she had, had an abortion. Our family is Catholic and against abortion, so we were discussing what our family would say if they found out. Then, I asked my sister what kind of abortion sour cousin had, and she said with the pill. I looked at my sister and said " would you ever do something like that?" and she made a face like she was going to cry.
My eyes totally filed up with tears. She looked at me and said ," I'm ready to tell you."
She told me that last year, she had an abortion at ten weeks.
I felt such hatred toward her. I felt isulting and vunerable, knowing she knew how long I have been trying for.

I still cannot beleive it, and feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.
I never thought it would affect me so much!! Why!?

I just cant stop thinking about it. If she would have only told me she was pregnant.. I would have taken that baby faster than anything!!
I'm so hurt!!

Replies(14)

Sandbox Party

replied on October 29th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

this is a touchy subject, and a lot of people see things differently.

we are all entitled to make personal choices.. jsut because u disagree with hers doesnt give you the right to judge her as a person.

I think u guys need to sit down and talk... you have to realize that its her life, her body, and she has the right to decide what she does with it. You dont have to agree, or accept. But u need to give her love and support, as a sister and a friend, and also realize that she didnt do it to upset or infuriate u.

AyaMiyaki

replied on October 29th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

I'm not trying to sound insensitive towards you or anything (I'm TTC our second child, so in a way I know how you feel), but maybe your sister didn't want to be pregnant at all? It's not really her responsibility to give you her child if you can't conceive your own. I'm not trying to be nasty to you, but you need to put yourself in her shoes for a second. Pregnancy is hard on your body, it messes with your hormones and emotions, and who's to say if she would have been able to hand her child over to you when he/she was born? I think that would personally be much harder than having an abortion.

I don't know, sweetie. I'm sorry you had to hear about that when you've been having trouble conceiving. I feel sorry for your sister too though. It must have been so hard for her to tell you and to see the hurt and pain in your eyes.

Euphoric

replied on October 29th, 2007

New User

I totally understand what you two are saying.. and I love her very very much! and she did tell me " I want you to love me the same". and I DO! I really do.. It is just very touchy. Its just kind of a personal jealousy, even. I just feel.. Why her not me!?

number game

replied on October 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Sandy_Pants wrote:

I agree with her! I couldn't have said it better.

AyaMiyaki

replied on October 29th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

It's very true. There are a lot of women who have to go to Hell and back to have even one child, and others seem to get pregnant back to back to back and have too many babies and pregnancies than they know what to do with. It doesn't seem fair at all.

I wish there were something else I could say to you. I just hope you're able to look past what she did and see her for who she is - your sister. It must have been so hard for her to go through with it, knowing how her family feels about it and knowing she would probably be judged and looked down upon for it.

kaiteo

replied on October 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I'm sorry about how you feel. It was obviously hard for her to tell you and she cared what you thought. Just be there for her. That's the only thing you can do.

Mommy35

replied on October 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

She must have known that she couldn't bear carrying the baby, delivering the baby and then handing the baby over to a stranger or family member only to see him or her at Christmas, birthdays, etc. To me, that would be much harder than just ending the pregnancy at 10 weeks.

It must be hard to be raised that something is so wrong and have to make the choice to do it anyway because it's the best choice for her. I can't imagine how much pain she must have gone through coming to that decision and actually carrying it out, not to mention the after effects of an abortion and what it does to a persons emotions.

I'm sorry your hurt, but don't let hate and resentment ruin your relationship with your sister. It isn't worth it. She needs you now more than ever.

michelle1981

replied on October 29th, 2007

Supporter

I feel for you hun. Some ppl should never be granted the privilege to pro-create.

You day will come.

Waiting is the difficult part.

Becky

replied on October 30th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

It is completely up to her if she wanted to have an abortion. Maybe she didn't tell you BECAUSE you have been TTC so long. It's pretty strong to say you feel hatred towards her. It's her life and if she didn't want a baby then so be it- none of your business IMO.

sexxybexxy

replied on October 30th, 2007

Experienced User

I think that she was right to have an abortion as she would of found it hard.
She would of rather got rid of it as she would of had to see him/her at christmas and birthday partys. It would of been so hard for her and she felt she did the right thing.
Think about her as a sister and not of what she has done.

mc4ever02

replied on October 30th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Euphoric wrote:

I understand what you're saying. It isn't so much that what she did was 'wrong', it's more so that she was given something that you want and have tried for so desperately, only to throw it away.

I'm not saying anything about your sister or any woman that has had an abortion. However, once you have tried so long for something, it is nearly impossible to not feel some sort of jealousy over the subject.

It's more of a 'what did I do for me to not be worthy to carry a child, when all these other women who don't even want them are able to conceive.'

I know I will be burned at the stake for saying this. I'm just being honest.

I know how emotional ttc is, and I know that hearing this from your sister must be hard. (especially because she couldn't come to you sooner). But as a previous poster has said, this is a hard time for her as well. I don't believe abortion to be an easy choice for anyone. I think you need to take some time for yourself, then I think you should reach out to her and let her know that you love her just the same and that you will be there for her if she needs you.

Shanyan

replied on October 30th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I do feel bad for you but I highly doubt that your sister would have been able to give her baby to you. My aunt was ttc for a long time and it wasn't happening, so she asked for my help. I donated my eggs for her and she now has a beautiful baby girl. However it was the hardest thing that i ever had to do. I sure as heck know that I would never be able to carry a baby to term and then give it up. Plus not to mention the fact that it is hard to see this baby all the time and think in the back of my mind that she is actually my biological daughter (she looks exactly like me...lol) At times it causes some discomfort between my aunt and I.

I know that it just doesn't seem fair because you have been trying for so long and it happened so easily for her. But trust your time will come, so in the mean time be supportive to your sister because believe me I am sure that it was hard for her to go through what she went through.

Take care and I am sending you tons of baby dust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Euphoric

replied on October 30th, 2007

New User

Thank you for all of your opionions and help. I do however want to clarify some things..
I never said I wanted her to give me her baby or that I thought she should...I simply said I would have taken him/her.
Also.. when I said "hatred".. I meant at that moment. Although, hatred is a harsh word I probably should have never used. I simply felt, jealous, and hurt.

As for her, making her own decisions with her body, I completely understand that she has every right, without judgement. I never judged her as a person..Although.. I do not understand why some of you are saying not to.. In my opionion, that would be a way of showing a persons character/ or hers. (not trying to argue.. I am just aware of my sisters circumstance)

Anyway.. it hurts when she admitted, she totally knew what she was doing and, at the time, didnt care.

Thanks again for all of your support/comments.

Take care =]

Emma2

replied on October 30th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I can see where you are coming from. Here you are trying so hard to have a baby and feel betrayed that one, she didnt confide in you and 2, that she just gave it up so easily. Laura, is right when she says it's not her responsibilty to hand over her child to you. Clearly, she was not ready for the baby and didnt want to be pregnant. You should really forgive her shes human and we all make mistakes . I think* more than anything she was afraid to tell you because of your circumtances and your beliefs.

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc