Relationships and Marriage Forum - Teenagers And Friendship (long) Aaaa I Need Help

I think this goes here. I'll try to keep this short but the situation is making my brain hurt. I need help, please, I'm practically begging here. Sad

I have a friend who's over 3 years younger than me, I turned 22 last month (female), he's 19 in early '08, we're both in college, both very inexperienced in terms of relationships or sex and all, but we're just kinda old-fashioned, I suppose. It's long distance, but we're great friends and just have an amazing spark, we've been close but that was more up until '07, now it's on and off. Anyways, his attitude lately is badly affecting our friendship...

.:: Point of the post ::.
I feel like I can't say anything right, or talk to him when I need a friend because he makes everything about him. He even said "Oh, those msn subtitles aimed at me? :p". HELLO EGOMANIAC. This guy means a lot to me but I don't know how to deal with his hot and coldness, this latest phase. He knows what he means to me, we've tried a relationship when he has felt the same as me, yet doesn't see why he can't talk "openly" about his latest crush. WHY would I want to hear about that? How many times do I need to spell it out for the total person that I still feel the same about him. That's just one thing though, he lashes out at random things, or just gets plain weird at times.

Anyway. I've asked him to chill, tried talking about everything but he turns stuff on me like I'm insecure or cynical, like I'm the problem. Or says how I should have some faith in what I'm worth to people (he was dodging the issue, since I asked what I was worth to HIM not John Smith down the damned road). I was just asking him to tell me something nice for once, I suppose. Simply put, I don't know how not to feel hurt and angry when he treats me like crap sometimes, because these days there's little balance.

What I'm asking for is some help on how to keep "cool". At times he gets so moody like a PMSing chick, whining over stupid things like how he can't pull off a certain song (he plays guitar and drools over his own music) or how he has to watch couples walking around and feels jealous. Not to mention he has this "American dream" attitude, where he talks like a delusional fool, bypassing real issues and people.

Sidenote: He told me he'd been clinically depressed as a young teen. Now it's like he tries to hard with everything. Could that explain why he's being such a dick towards me sometimes? Why he's so self-absorbed and scatter-brained? Something's just not right, with him. It was months back, but someone who's known him longer mentioned how he "didn't seem sane".

I have plenty of reason not to trust him or know what I mean to him, with how he is towards me and everything I mention here. He says he'd have left for good already if he was ever going to walk away from me, that I'm "a real hassle to put up with" but honestly, everyone who knows of our situation says they have no idea how I put up with so much crap, or why he bothers with me at all. One friend is seriously like, "It confuses the life out of me". My simple answer to everyone would be that I love him, and he's not always a complete ass but I don't know how to handle this teenage idiocy. How do I oppose lashouts without lecturing or criticizing? I need tips, ideas or general interpretations. D:

Someone tell me what to think, what to say or do, and most of all how to put up a white flag so this friendship can work. =/

Feel free to stop here and/or reply if you don't like long posts... the rest is just a little more details.

.:: Background story ::.
In late September he came back after completely cutting ties with me for about a month (I was devastated by his leaving). This followed a big argument because of massive insensitivity where he rubbed his meeting a new girl in my face, having been very distant with me for almost two months after our "breakup" in late June. Basically I hit a few nerves with my reply to that message where he went on about the damned chick (completely ignoring my previous message). He left but truthfully my reply was WELL deserved. He apologized upon his return, said he thought I hated him, and for a few weeks he went on and off of being into that same chick ("bad crush on a bad girl", he says) til HE apparently gave up on her (probably defending his pride). :roll

We've been better since his return, in some ways, but there's some kind of unresolved tension or frustration, and it's coming off worse from him than me, short but sharp outbursts. It's like he doesn't care enough to try and talk things out, or expects me to be volatile when his silence MAKES me volatile.

He's such a painfully typical teenager, lacking his usual depth or character lately. Not to mention he's INSANELY self-absorbed, lame and as my friend says, "he exaggerates his 'problems' into giant proportions". Honestly... someone get him a room with himself or his guitar. Mad

.:: My liking him ::.
Sometimes he feels the same way, he initiated everything, always does. We have feelings for each other (mine basically "love", his... God knows), and it seems that feeling comes and goes for him. In the past he's literally begged me to forgive him for his painfully typical teenage spazzout phases (smoking, drinking, trying to act like one of the boys), and he begged me to take him back. What gets me is that he makes so much effort at times, others I feel like a spare part. My friends say that for some reason he makes effort, even wants me in his life, but they can't figure why he is the way he is with me, or his attitudes. Maybe without the long distance, something more would happen, but that aside... I just don't know. He says he doesn't feel the same as me now, but I recall from what he's said a few times that he thought he was leading me on before, so maybe he's not going to say anything even if he does like me 'cause there's no point? His feelings are fickle, so that might be why, I suppose. He said he wasn't willing to try with me again, 'cause he refused to hurt me and he was "unstable".

Plus he seems desperate for a relationship (at college) now, and we're less than ideal given the situation and atmosphere lately. Anyway. Now an "old friend" of his has shown up, and they're having this "great connection that's too good to be true"... he said how they're hanging out this week and probably "hooking up as a couple", so that last chick is out of the picture. :roll

Not five months ago it was me and him talking about how we wanted to be together, a month later he got his panties in a twist after a roadtrip and was all "I can't commit. Yes I want to be with you but it's not worth it, for you. I'm too immature. I can't put myself forth." blah blah. Then he got distant, worked like a crazy guy, didn't talk more than 3 times til our spat where he left. Come on... if he cared that much about me he'd have done something about it, not run away, right? Confused

Maybe I'm too much hard work in more ways than one, and we conflict too much? =/

.:: His stress outs ::.
I'm pretty open about stuff, he can be but when it comes to "our" issues, he doesn't address them. Instead he'll lash out at me, like how the other day I said he should perform the vox to his own song, not use his friend, and he bit my head off about it, saying "JESUS. you're really pushing my buttons here" -it was crazy. That aside, we had a truly great day of talking (all of which he was making effort) and clicking as we can so well.

Same crap happened last night, though, when he was trying to cover a certain song and failed. He kept cursing and saying he's frustrated beyond belief, then when he said "I'm just stubborn" 'cause I reacted, I said "No, you're just irritable" (he was being a pansy) and he basically stopped talking to me and disappeared like half hour later. When he came back a while later, he wasn't talking to me, and when I did approach him it was so stand-off-ish and making excuses. I could have hit him. It's a contrast to sometimes when he's all "HI HI HI" and all over me, even if it's about his music or whatever. I even woke up in the middle of the night, sat online for a lil while and he didn't approach me. (he's in a different time zone) Lame. Schizo much? o_O

There's also the case that he wrote/performed this one damned song that got me irritated/confused. He was going on to me about it so when I read the lyrics I swear to God it sounded personal... The good kind, but ugh... I don't let myself believe it might be aimed at me 'cause we're not "that way" anymore, I mean he doesn't feel the same so what was that about? Either he's clueless, or sadistic. And I don't even know for sure he'd describe me as he described the person he was effectively hoping to be like and with in the song. Definitely doesn't sound like any other chick he's been into, it referred to our disagreements and such. A friend who knows our situation was like, "Almost seems he's talking about you, but don't get your hopes up because he's teenagery and odd lately".

K that was a grueling essay. I'm honestly sorry. Thank you so much if you tried to piece all that together. Help? Sad

p.s. I am hanging in there because I believe in the fundamental good of this guy. I just need some strength at this point in time. Losing that hope right now will probably destroy my faith in anyone, so yeah. Optimists? :p