Hi, everyone..im new and ive never been on a forum like this...but i jus have some concerns and wat not about my eat habits and thoughts...so i thought that mayb someone can help me...

But I dont have a eating disorder...but sometimes i feel like throwing up my food because i feel like im fat...i weigh between 170-180 and im 19 and 5"4 and diabetes runs in my family...and my doctors always tell me to loose weight...because of the diabetes...and its fine but i just dont have the discipline to do it...i do a diet or i excercise for about mayb a couple of weeks or so and then i get tired of it cause i dont see a change in my body...but i guess i've always had a problem with dealing with my wieght....i use to get teased for my weight because i was little bit bigger than the others..and it lasted from 5th grade til the end of 7th grade...and it was the most horrible time in my life..it effected me so much..it still does...even though i dont get teased or anything, its jus there always a voice in my head about how im fat..it bothers me and i want to do something about it...i always bring up how fat i am and how i need to loose 30lbs....but i never do anything about it...but i thought being bulimic or anoxeric(sp?) would help it....i havent made myself thrown up ever but some days..i feel like i want to... but i dont....i sometimes go into the bathroom and i want to do it but i think of wat it could do to me....so i leave...but i dont eat breakfast...i might eat like one big meal a day and thats it....its jus a habit that i have i guess...this isnt on a regular basis but it happens sometimes...i guess u can say sometimes i strave myself cause i jus eat one big meal a day idk what you call that....but im jus tired of being like this....fat that is....i hate it...i hate my body...its sad that it effects me...all because i got made fun of in middle school..my dad sometimes says some comments that hurt me...he says it jus to mess around and i laugh it off but it still effects me...i remember this one time wen i was little like he was tickling me and he grabbed my stomach and squeezed it wen he would tickle me..its kinda hard to explain but anyways so he was playin with me...and it was hurting me at that point and i told him can u stop and he was like..."if you loose your gut i will" and it been in my mind ever since...i feel hopeless...i feel empty because i dont tell anyone how i really feel...im actually being truthful on here for the first time telling how i feel...so its kinda hard....

i jus dont know wat to do....is this any kind of a disorder? not a ED but something else mayb? im confused...do u think i could ever have one in the future..