Mental Conditions Forum - Issues With Selective Mutism

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Q: Issues With Selective Mutism

asked by: JerichoSarge on October 28th, 2007

New User

Hang with me, I'm new to the eHealth forums and my English isn't the greatest. Anyway, hi I'm Scott and I feel like I'm in an AA meeting. So onto business. A few months ago I left my home town of Tuscany, Italy to move to Florida with my girlfriend. That's not the problem. The problem is my poor social structure. I guess I should explain that.

When I was really young my father was killed and I saw it. After that, I stopped talking. A few years after I was diagnosed with Selective Mutism. My mom sold the house my brother, her and I were living in and we moved to an apartment. Still, I didn't talk. She sent me to a psychologist and years passed. She got pregnant and hence forth, my little sister. Still, I didn't talk. She met another man and he proposed and they got married. Still, I didn't talk. You get the point. I was eight years old when I first stopped talking and now I'm about to turn nineteen.

I've lived here in Florida not even a year and people are asking why I don't talk. Not like I care really but it gets annoying. Anyway, that's not why I'm posting. I guess I'm looking for help to talk again and for one reason. I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, with my own voice. Not sign language, not with a notepad. With my voice. I haven't spoken in over ten years, I need tips to help me learn to speak again. And I'd really like it if I could learn without her knowing so that when I ask it will come as a total surprise. So, any pointers?

Replies(19)

yogahoneybunny

replied on October 29th, 2007

Supporter

Sure!

Good for you.

I'd recommend that you seek some help with a local counseling clinic and look for a speech therapist. Many communities in FL support resource centers for citizens that include "sliding scale", or pay-as-you-can therapy. I can help you locate one if you give me your zip code or city name. I lived in Delray Beach for a while and know many people there.

Best,
Yoga

JerichoSarge

replied on October 29th, 2007

New User

Thanks. I've done numerous therapy sessions over the years with countless doctors. Either they give up on me or I get almost to the point where I know them enough to talk, then I move (that was when I was younger and still with my mom) I was thinking of spending more time with my best friend but lo and behold, he's back in Tuscany. I knew him before my father was murdered and trust him a lot. I know I can't do this alone and past experiences prove that simple speech therapists do little to nothing. Who do I turn to?

TMJWorld

replied on October 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

i think you need to really want this---first you could start by making any sound then try to shape the sounds into words. if you need to you could ask someone to make a tape for you saying a word or a variety of words and you could have it one a walkman and you could try to say those words. practice makes perfect. you will really have to work at this. it wont be easy. set goals for yourself. I know this sounds rediculous but you could even use a leapfrog learning system.

I know that what you went through could not be easy. I lost my own father--not quite like you did but i did lose him. I understand what that is like. my heart goes out to you.

I shall pray that all goes well and that she says yes!

JerichoSarge

replied on October 29th, 2007

New User

Ok I really do want this. Lucky me, my girlfriend works two jobs while I only work one (doesn't that make me sound lazy) When she's not here I'll work my hardest on at least making some noises. I haven't talked to anyone about what happened not even her or why I don't talk except one therapist in Tuscany. Suppose I should tell her what I saw?

Another problem is I've only ever learned to speak in Italian, never English. Sure I live in an American society with English speaking people all around but whats to say I can't pronounce as well as they do? I tried speaking once in front of my girlfriend and ended up throwing myself into a bad anxiety attack. I'm such a shy person I hate meeting new people so doing this forum thing is a major step forward.

TMJWorld

replied on October 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

i agree this is a step forward.

I think telling someone what you saw would help you immensly---it would help you get closure. it does help to talk. you can pm me or email me any time.

i hate meeting new people too.

JerichoSarge

replied on October 29th, 2007

New User

Yeah now I don't know who to tell. Closure would be nice, telling the right person would be better and I don't want to burden Sigi. I am so damn shy it's not even funny. I quit eating out a while ago unless she's with me and then I'll bring a notepad to jot down what I'm ordering.

TMJWorld

replied on October 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

keep us updated. ok?

JerichoSarge

replied on October 29th, 2007

New User

Of course. I have another problem that builds off of this but doesn't belong in this forum and am waaaay too embarrassed to say anything. For once in my life I feel like there's something wrong with me.

TMJWorld

replied on October 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

hey i sent you a pm with my email address---feel free to use it. any time you need to talk just let me know im always right here.

yogahoneybunny

replied on October 31st, 2007

Supporter

You might need a professional speech therapist. Again, if you provide the zip code I can help you find a resource.

JerichoSarge

replied on October 31st, 2007

New User

Over ten years I've had six speech therapists. Sorry but they don't do much for me. I have been trying to talk alone without anyone here but the doorbell kept going off and kids were begging for candies. This was my first Halloween and I didn't like it...

yogahoneybunny

replied on November 6th, 2007

Supporter

Nice poker game in the avatar, by the way!

Smile

eOns of gREy

replied on November 6th, 2007

New User

I never knew anything about it. Do you like, forget how to talk? Or can you physically not be able to move your mouth, or what?

JerichoSarge

replied on November 7th, 2007

New User

It's not that you forget how to talk unless you haven't spoken in quite a long time. I know that with the help of some people on here I've been saying little words to myself when alone. I can move my mouth easily, I mouth words all the time to my girlfriend. It's just that you don't want to talk.

Let me put it like this. Kids learn at an early age not to put their hands on the hot range, right? Well that's what happened with me. After what had happened and me being so young, I thought it was my fault. My family and the authorities asked so many questions I couldn't keep track of them all so I didn't say anything. This of course only made things worse.

Do you understand that a little better eOns? It's hard to explain really because people think it's an easy fix.

And an update. I've expanded my vocabulary to almost 30 English words and 60-something Italian but only when I'm alone. I've been looking for (another) job and still turned down still. Good news is I haven't been nearly as depressed as I was. So thank you yogahoneybunny and dyanmatteson. Couldn't have done it without you!

yogahoneybunny

replied on November 7th, 2007

Supporter

Yay! Glad to hear of your improvements. Little by little ... but don't push yourself. Language acquisition might be compounded by your past trauma, but you're doing it!!! Congratulations. What words are you good at in English (and Italian)?

TMJWorld

replied on November 7th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

you know im so proud of you. Keep up the good work.!

JerichoSarge

replied on November 7th, 2007

New User

Thanks you two, I'm proud of myself and thankful for all the help you gave me. At this rate I should have no problem getting what I want to say out by Christmas. I might even do it on Thanksgiving though I don't celebrate it. Sigi and I are flying out of state to have a turkey dinner with her family. I think it'd be better to do it then when everyone is around, right? I need opinions on that.

My spoken English is down to small simple words like objects. House, window, door, me, you, and so on. My Italian is a little more in depth however. Words like amore, per sempre, matrimonio, vita. I'm so happy! Thanks again everyone!!

TMJWorld

replied on November 7th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Im glad that you are happy now. Im happy for you. keep us updated and let me know how it goes when you need to say what you need to say(you know what i mean) I would hold my origional goal,but its up to you. if you feel you are ready go for it(just you got to tell me about it:) ) good luck.

JerichoSarge

replied on November 8th, 2007

New User

I'm keeping my original goal of Christmas still, if I feel ready at Thanksgiving though I'll do it then. I have the ring already and wow. I'm not sure if I can go through with it there with all her family around but that'd be even more of a shock, you know? If I don't, I don't. There's always Christmas.

And thanks for the compliment on my avatar yogahoneybunny, I just noticed it. (Sad as it is, I've done that with Sigi's stuffed animals before when I was stuck home sick with the flu which I think I caught again)

Thanks again everyone. I'll keep you all updated, tonight is date night for us!

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