JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Issues With Selective Mutism
Posted: 10-28-07 21:31pm
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Hang with me, I'm new to the eHealth
forums and my English isn't the greatest.
Anyway, hi I'm Scott and I feel like I'm
in an AA meeting. So onto business. A few
months ago I left my home town of Tuscany,
Italy to move to Florida with my
girlfriend. That's not the problem. The
problem is my poor social structure. I
guess I should explain that.
When I was really young my father was
killed and I saw it. After that, I stopped
talking. A few years after I was diagnosed
with Selective Mutism. My mom sold the
house my brother, her and I were living in
and we moved to an apartment. Still, I
didn't talk. She sent me to a psychologist
and years passed. She got pregnant and
hence forth, my little sister. Still, I
didn't talk. She met another man and he
proposed and they got married. Still, I
didn't talk. You get the point. I was
eight years old when I first stopped
talking and now I'm about to turn
nineteen.
I've lived here in Florida not even a
year and people are asking why I don't
talk. Not like I care really but it gets
annoying. Anyway, that's not why I'm
posting. I guess I'm looking for help to
talk again and for one reason. I want to
ask my girlfriend to marry me, with my own
voice. Not sign language, not with a
notepad. With my voice. I haven't spoken
in over ten years, I need tips to help me
learn to speak again. And I'd really like
it if I could learn without her knowing so
that when I ask it will come as a total
surprise. So, any pointers?
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yogahoneybunny
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Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 916
Location: Strumica, Macedonia
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Posted: 10-29-07 08:36am
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Sure!
Good for you.
I'd recommend that you seek some help with
a local counseling clinic and look for a
speech therapist. Many communities in FL
support resource centers for citizens that
include "sliding scale", or pay-as-you-can
therapy. I can help you locate one if you
give me your zip code or city name. I
lived in Delray Beach for a while and know
many people there.
Best,
Yoga
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 10-29-07 14:01pm
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Thanks. I've done numerous therapy
sessions over the years with countless
doctors. Either they give up on me or I
get almost to the point where I know them
enough to talk, then I move (that was when
I was younger and still with my mom) I was
thinking of spending more time with my
best friend but lo and behold, he's back
in Tuscany. I knew him before my father
was murdered and trust him a lot. I know I
can't do this alone and past experiences
prove that simple speech therapists do
little to nothing. Who do I turn to?
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Posts: 4440
Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 102
Thanked:68
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Posted: 10-29-07 17:23pm
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i think you need to really want
this---first you could start by making
any sound then try to shape the sounds
into words. if you need to you could ask
someone to make a tape for you saying a
word or a variety of words and you could
have it one a walkman and you could try to
say those words. practice makes perfect.
you will really have to work at this. it
wont be easy. set goals for yourself. I
know this sounds rediculous but you could
even use a leapfrog learning system.
I know that what you went through could
not be easy. I lost my own father--not
quite like you did but i did lose him. I
understand what that is like. my heart
goes out to you.
I shall pray that all goes well and that
she says yes!
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 10-29-07 17:32pm
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Ok I really do want this. Lucky me, my
girlfriend works two jobs while I only
work one (doesn't that make me sound lazy)
When she's not here I'll work my hardest
on at least making some noises. I haven't
talked to anyone about what happened not
even her or why I don't talk except one
therapist in Tuscany. Suppose I should
tell her what I saw?
Another problem is I've only ever learned
to speak in Italian, never English. Sure I
live in an American society with English
speaking people all around but whats to
say I can't pronounce as well as they do?
I tried speaking once in front of my
girlfriend and ended up throwing myself
into a bad anxiety attack. I'm such a shy
person I hate meeting new people so doing
this forum thing is a major step forward.
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Posts: 4440
Location: post falls, id usa
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Posted: 10-29-07 17:37pm
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i agree this is a step forward.
I think telling someone what you saw would
help you immensly---it would help you get
closure. it does help to talk. you can pm
me or email me any time.
i hate meeting new people too.
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 10-29-07 18:03pm
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Yeah now I don't know who to tell. Closure
would be nice, telling the right person
would be better and I don't want to burden
Sigi. I am so damn shy it's not even
funny. I quit eating out a while ago
unless she's with me and then I'll bring a
notepad to jot down what I'm ordering.
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Posts: 4440
Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 102
Thanked:68
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 10-29-07 18:15pm
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Of course. I have another problem that
builds off of this but doesn't belong in
this forum and am waaaay too embarrassed
to say anything. For once in my life I
feel like there's something wrong with me.
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Posts: 4440
Location: post falls, id usa
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Posted: 10-29-07 18:17pm
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hey i sent you a pm with my email
address---feel free to use it. any time
you need to talk just let me know im
always right here.
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yogahoneybunny
Supporter
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Posts: 916
Location: Strumica, Macedonia
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Posted: 10-31-07 06:17am
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You might need a professional speech
therapist. Again, if you provide the zip
code I can help you find a resource.
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 10-31-07 20:48pm
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Over ten years I've had six speech
therapists. Sorry but they don't do much
for me. I have been trying to talk alone
without anyone here but the doorbell kept
going off and kids were begging for
candies. This was my first Halloween and I
didn't like it...
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yogahoneybunny
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Location: Strumica, Macedonia
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Posted: 11-06-07 14:00pm
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Nice poker game in the avatar, by the
way!
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 35
Location: , United States
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Posted: 11-06-07 14:30pm
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I never knew anything about it. Do you
like, forget how to talk? Or can you
physically not be able to move your mouth,
or what?
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 11-07-07 06:32am
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It's not that you forget how to talk
unless you haven't spoken in quite a long
time. I know that with the help of some
people on here I've been saying little
words to myself when alone. I can move my
mouth easily, I mouth words all the time
to my girlfriend. It's just that you don't
want to talk.
Let me put it like this. Kids learn at an
early age not to put their hands on the
hot range, right? Well that's what
happened with me. After what had happened
and me being so young, I thought it was my
fault. My family and the authorities asked
so many questions I couldn't keep track of
them all so I didn't say anything. This of
course only made things worse.
Do you understand that a little better
eOns? It's hard to explain really because
people think it's an easy fix.
And an update. I've expanded my vocabulary
to almost 30 English words and
60-something Italian but only when I'm
alone. I've been looking for (another) job
and still turned down still. Good news is
I haven't been nearly as depressed as I
was. So thank you yogahoneybunny and
dyanmatteson. Couldn't have done it
without you!
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yogahoneybunny
Supporter
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 916
Location: Strumica, Macedonia
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Thanked:0
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Posted: 11-07-07 12:15pm
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Yay! Glad to hear of your improvements.
Little by little ... but don't push
yourself. Language acquisition might be
compounded by your past trauma, but you're
doing it!!! Congratulations. What words
are you good at in English (and Italian)?
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Posts: 4440
Location: post falls, id usa
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Thanked:68
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Posted: 11-07-07 13:51pm
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you know im so proud of you. Keep up the
good work.!
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 11-07-07 15:02pm
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Thanks you two, I'm proud of myself and
thankful for all the help you gave me. At
this rate I should have no problem getting
what I want to say out by Christmas. I
might even do it on Thanksgiving though I
don't celebrate it. Sigi and I are flying
out of state to have a turkey dinner with
her family. I think it'd be better to do
it then when everyone is around, right? I
need opinions on that.
My spoken English is down to small simple
words like objects. House, window, door,
me, you, and so on. My Italian is a little
more in depth however. Words like amore,
per sempre, matrimonio, vita. I'm so
happy! Thanks again everyone!!
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Posts: 4440
Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 102
Thanked:68
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Posted: 11-07-07 16:18pm
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Im glad that you are happy now. Im happy
for you. keep us updated and let me know
how it goes when you need to say what you
need to say(you know what i mean) I would
hold my origional goal,but its up to you.
if you feel you are ready go for it(just
you got to tell me about it:) ) good
luck.
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JerichoSarge
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: Perry, Florida United States
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Posted: 11-08-07 06:40am
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I'm keeping my original goal of Christmas
still, if I feel ready at Thanksgiving
though I'll do it then. I have the ring
already and wow. I'm not sure if I can go
through with it there with all her family
around but that'd be even more of a shock,
you know? If I don't, I don't. There's
always Christmas.
And thanks for the compliment on my avatar
yogahoneybunny, I just noticed it. (Sad as
it is, I've done that with Sigi's stuffed
animals before when I was stuck home sick
with the flu which I think I caught again)
Thanks again everyone. I'll keep you all
updated, tonight is date night for us!
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