I was bulimic at 18, I admitted it to a lot of people, did counselling for a while (2 sessions) and more or less stoppped due to the horrific heart burn, but also coz i was replacing food with alcohol and started self harming. This peaked I guess a couple of years ago, when I stabbed my arms and ended up in hospital. It seems the behaviour is interrelated... Im basically not bulimic but I dont feel cured - I still obsess over food and my binges havent stopped, i dont think they ever well. The last 2 years I have been officially overweight (slightly) and I do care, more than anything else, but I collapse when I realise I cant do anything to help myself. I eat like a pig and dont even bother compensating now.. I dont really know what to do anymore - i dont know if i even care. The self harming ahs gone the same way, Im scared of a relapse but I dont feel capable anymore of hurting msyelf in this way. I dont know if this stuff ever gets better, if talking helps, if I will always be like this (personality?)... I dont even know where to begin with counselling and stuff, admitting it all is so embarrassing and pathetic, even more so being a guy, and people NEVER look at you in the same way again. I guess I sound like a broken record and your normal depressive type, but it feels unique to me... I d like just some people to chat to, I dunno, Im also scared of reliving it all and dredging up all the dirt of the past and risking starting it again. Just reading it makes my eyes well up.