okay...this is my first post....and my topic scares me
....lately I've been very moody and distressed...its like I'm never truly happy anymore...i mean its like I'm happy....i get really excited and very hyper then BOOM!! like that im sad or angry, and possibly in tears. like yesterday, all day at school i was crying, i felt like crud and i was just thinking about alot...i couldnt smile or laugh or joke...but today i was extremely happy before school and during just about all my classes...then i got on the bus and this one girl made me very very very angry....you know, almost like i couldnt see straight....but anyways, i was sooo mad!!

i wanted to punch her then and there, but instead i let it bottle inside me....just like i always do....its like i cant tell anybody what i feel and it stinks!! but as soon as i stepped off the bus i burst into tears...not even my mother could help me...

i didnt know why i was like that because apparently a sixth grader wouldve never EVER normally made me cry....and she didnt today either...somethin else did, but i dont know wat.... and it makes me SICK!!! i even made my sister (who is 11)...well i made her cry....and its like i dont even remember why now..it scares me to think of wat i could be capable of if i cant even remember a little word fight between me and my sis....what if i black out or get so mad i cant even think....like if i get EXTREMELY violent? im SCARED and i dont no wat to do.... we cant afford to take me to a docter (psychiatrist)...and im scared that if i dont get help i may get way WAY out of control....
im chelsey..im 14..and i think i have bipolar disorder.. HELP ME PLZ!!