Teen Pregnancy Forum - Looking for advice on unwanted pregnancy

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Q: Looking for advice on unwanted pregnancy

asked by: Reptar on October 24th, 2007

Experienced User

I'm 18 years old, I'll be 19 in January. I'm at university studying engineering, with my boyfriend of 14 months. We've been having sex for about 4 months, as we had a long distance relationship beforehand.

I've been on birth control since I was 16, and started having sex at the same time. I found out last weekend that I was pregnant and I know I'm not ready to have this child. I don't know how this happened and I've been so scared. I'm a 40 hour car ride away from my home and friends and I haven't told my parents, and my boyfriend hasn't told his. As soon as we found out we called an abortion clinic and set up an appointment but since all I can think about is the child that's growing inside me.

I never wanted kids, especially not this early, but as I'm sure many of you know, it's so much different when it's yours and even though I'm only 4 weeks pregnant, I could tell before I took the test. I want to keep the baby and I'm not sure if that's just hormones or what, but it's my first child and the sense of responsibility I feel is overwhelming. My boyfriend and I love each other, but if I chose to keep this child his parents will probably force him to stop seeing me. And even if they don't I am lost as to how I will raise it. I've thought about adoption and wonder if that's really best for the child and what the process is like.

I've always been pro-choice, it's just really hard to think about killing someone inside of you. I've just looking for some advice and if any of you have done any of these options, I want to know what it was like. Thanks.

Replies(20)

Dannzibelle

replied on October 24th, 2007

Supporter

I'm 16 and i kept my baby, i now have a beautiful 16 week old daughter asleep next to me.
You know when you want to keep a baby and considering you've said that you do then you shouldn't go through with the abortion. I'm guessing your boyfriend is 18 too, so seeign as he is an adult his parents can't force him not to see you.
Adoption is a good thing, but if you're having feeling about keeping the baby because you want to raise them then you need to think long and hard because once you've adopted out your child you can't have them back.
You can always cancel the appointment you've made so you have a little extra time to think things through

jessamyn

replied on October 24th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I am not going to bash you for mentioning abortion dont worry. It is always an option and I personally am pro choice. You need to do what is best for you. If you are emotionally and physicaly capable of going thru this pregnancy and giving the child up for adoption then your best route would be to set that up early. There are even times where they (company or parents) will provide for your pregnancy if you are to adopt out.

I wouldnt understand that his parents would make him stop seeing you if they were to find out, nor why as an adult he wouldnt stand up to them. I see it more as if you choose to keep the child that being to gether-happily is the best route.

Feel free to IM me about anything you need, questions, or even to vent.

Yes you are young and yes it is tough but its reality and life. Either way you would have to make a choice.. either to havethe abortion or get into the doctors asap.

I had my first appt. at 6 weeks.
Good luck!

Reptar

replied on October 24th, 2007

Experienced User

His parents are paying for his university, as mine are for mine. If they knew we got pregnant they'd stop supporting him. Not only that but I'd have to go back home to my family doctor and to have a place to stay. He lives right close by to the university and can't afford to come move to my hometown on his own without a high paying job. I'd like to say my parents could help, but my dad lost his job this year and my mom has been on workers care for the past two year because of a siatic nerve in her back.

jessamyn

replied on October 24th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

grants, loans, and schloarships...simple.. payment plans, part time jobs, and odd incomes.

MomToBeAgain

replied on October 26th, 2007

New User

I couldn't personally have an abortion, but I don't critisize people for having them. It's a personal choice.

I got pregnant at 15 and placed my son with an adoptive family. It's hard on you emotionally, but if you know that it's what you want to do, it's wonderful. My son has a family that can support him and give hime everything he'll ever want or need. His parents couldn't have children, but now they havet he child they've always wanted.

I'm not sure where you live, but if you decide to go through the adoption process (or even if you don't) you can always contact me. If you decide on adoption, you'll need someone to help you through it. A boyfriende, a friend, a parent, a stranger, just someone.

Good luck with whatever choice you make!

Verizon-y

replied on October 26th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I was in your almost exact situation. I had an abortion, finished college, had a great career, met my soul mate, got married, and now I have a beautiful little girl. I would do it all over again.

I just wanted to give you a different perspective, only you can decide what is right for you.

Best wishes.

haliparot

replied on October 26th, 2007

Experienced User

Do what you heart is telling you. Don't consider what other people say. You know that the choice is yours. I'm pro-choice myself and I know that you are in a very hard situation. I'm a college student too and an only child. I can only imagine how much confusion and pain your in right now.

I don't suggest that you have an abortion if you are not 100% sure because you might regret it. I could see that adoption is the best way for you right now since you are still in school and it could be very hard for you and your bf. I would advice you though to go to a planned parenthood clinic and seek for pregnancy counseling. I'm sure they can help you make up your mind on what to do.

falafal4ever81

replied on October 30th, 2007

Experienced User

give it to me!!! kidding... sort of
my husband and i are waiting to have a baby placed with us for adoption, and being a prospective adoptive parent i can tell you what a wonderful gift that baby would be to ANYONE wanting to adopt. what i suggest is going to an adoption agency and get a consultation. the nice thing about being a birth mother is you get 10 days after placing your baby for adoption to change your mind and get your baby back, at least where i live. plan for adoption, but know you can always change your mind. dont compromise your values for embarrasment or whatever. you are the one who has to live with your decisions the rest of your life, you cant take back an abortion. im prolife, but ultimately its your choice.
check out some adoption websites, they often post profiles of prospective families in hopes that someone will find them and bless them with a child. maybe you will find a couple that you wouldnt mind sharing your life with. many people now are very open to the idea of open adoption, you dont have to say good-bye to your baby if you place it for adoption. many people refer to the birth mother as a tummy mommy, auntie, or whatever works for them. you can still be apart of this childs life while persuing your own. dont be rash. let us know how everything works out.
best of luck

falafal4ever81

replied on October 30th, 2007

Experienced User

by the way, placing a child with a family that will worship it like a drooly little god is never a mistake for the child, especially if you enrich its life by staying apart of it. remember, you call the shots and you have the power.

jessamyn

replied on October 30th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

falafal4ever81 wrote:

by the way, placing a child with a family that will worship it like a drooly little god is never a mistake.

haha i know this is serious but i love you for that quote can i steal it?

Verizon-y

replied on October 30th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

You know, at first I was disgusted at the thought of an adult trolling the teen pregnancy forum trying to convince some pregnant kid to give them their child when it's born.

But then I thought, hey, why not???? It's actually kind of ingenious.

falafal4ever81

replied on October 30th, 2007

Experienced User

lol, im not just trolling looking for a baby. my hubby and i are with an agency already and we will be able to adopt as of march (when our child is 1), i kindof stumbled across this site. i had read a horrible story online about an unwanted baby being placed in a garbage bag and tossed from the 18 floor of a building when it was 1 hour old. it really disturbed me, and had me scared for other babies. i guess in the back of my mind i feel that if one desperate mother sees that there are people willing to help them by taking a baby that they dont want descretly then the world is that much better of a place, and everyone involved is in a better situation. im sure that if alot of these girls had the opportunity to hand their baby over to someone privatly without any reprocussions and almost no one ever knowing, many of these dumpster babies would be alive today... giggling in a loving parents arms... growing into a wonderful little person, fufilling a destiny of a greater value than being discarded with less respect than a bag of trash. i wouldnt even throw a bag of trash off of the 18 floor.
sorry, i shouldnt be blabbing about this. once again, im not a creep, im just trying to help either verbally or by actions.

blondie_e

replied on October 30th, 2007

Experienced User

nobody can tell you what to do only you can decide. but if you need someone to talk to you can PM me anytime =]

GrumpyBear2006

replied on October 31st, 2007

New User

Ok. I'm sorry but I don't have any advice. But I will say this. If you don't want the baby I would gladly adopt it. Very Happy

LOL No, seriously.

GrumpyBear2006

replied on November 1st, 2007

New User

I feel the same as falafal4ever81. Oh, by the way I'm also not a creepy person trolling for babies. I just want to help the unwanted babies of the world find happy homes where they will be loved unconditionally.

Verizon-y

replied on November 1st, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Like I said, after I thought about it I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

If an adoptive parent can meet a teen with an unwanted pregnancy on here, GO FOR IT!

I'd much rather have the adoption agency and their lawyers cut out of the equation. Give the tens of thousands of dollars directly to the teenager, and get your baby directly from her.

If a pregnant teen had a choice of abortion OR adoption, where the adoptive parents were going to pay for everything, plus some, enough to pay for the teen's college. maybe more teens would go that route.

Verizon-y

replied on November 1st, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Agency and private adoptions can range from $5,000 to $40,000 or more depending on a variety of factors including services provided, travel expenses, birthmother expenses, requirements in the state, and other factors. International adoptions can range from $7,000 to $30,000.

falafal4ever81

replied on November 1st, 2007

Experienced User

yeah, i cant believe some of these stupid rules. if a prospective adoptive family wants to give money to the woman who is carrying their child it is thought of as buying a baby rather than a gratuity or helping out, where as when lawyers or agencies take 30k its a service fee. pfffft! whatever i tell you. i may not have 20 thousand dollars laying around but i would gladly use what i had to help out the birth mother of my child IF she needed it. and, seeing as how people here arnt condemning me for my views than....
IF ANY ONE OUT THERE HAS A BABY THEY DO NOT WANT IN THE ALBERTA AREA, CONTACT ME! especially if the baby is a girl! we have no girls in my family so we are very excited to be able to adopt one, and its not us that wants to wait until march, its the legal stuff with public adoption. oh well, good things are worth waiting for. Smile

10jgs40

replied on March 2nd, 2009

New User

loving Virginia couple

We have one adopted son. We have had him since he was born, he is now 7. We also have full custody of my husband's 13 yr. old son. We are looking to adopt and raise another baby.

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