Looking for advice on unwanted pregnancy Posted: 10-24-07 13:22pm
I'm 18 years old, I'll be 19 in January.
I'm at university studying engineering,
with my boyfriend of 14 months. We've been
having sex for about 4 months, as we had a
long distance relationship beforehand.
I've been on birth control since I was 16,
and started having sex at the same time. I
found out last weekend that I was pregnant
and I know I'm not ready to have this
child. I don't know how this happened and
I've been so scared. I'm a 40 hour car
ride away from my home and friends and I
haven't told my parents, and my boyfriend
hasn't told his. As soon as we found out
we called an abortion clinic and set up an
appointment but since all I can think
about is the child that's growing inside
me.
I never wanted kids, especially not this
early, but as I'm sure many of you know,
it's so much different when it's yours and
even though I'm only 4 weeks pregnant, I
could tell before I took the test. I want
to keep the baby and I'm not sure if
that's just hormones or what, but it's my
first child and the sense of
responsibility I feel is overwhelming. My
boyfriend and I love each other, but if I
chose to keep this child his parents will
probably force him to stop seeing me. And
even if they don't I am lost as to how I
will raise it. I've thought about adoption
and wonder if that's really best for the
child and what the process is like.
I've always been pro-choice, it's just
really hard to think about killing someone
inside of you. I've just looking for some
advice and if any of you have done any of
these options, I want to know what it was
like. Thanks.
|
Dannzibelle
Supporter
Joined: 23 Oct 2006 Posts: 3807 Location: South East, England
Thanks: 30
Thanked:11
Posted: 10-24-07 13:29pm
I'm 16 and i kept my baby, i now have a
beautiful 16 week old daughter asleep next
to me.
You know when you want to keep a baby and
considering you've said that you do then
you shouldn't go through with the
abortion. I'm guessing your boyfriend is
18 too, so seeign as he is an adult his
parents can't force him not to see you.
Adoption is a good thing, but if you're
having feeling about keeping the baby
because you want to raise them then you
need to think long and hard because once
you've adopted out your child you can't
have them back.
You can always cancel the appointment
you've made so you have a little extra
time to think things through
|
jessamyn
Moderator
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4116 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 10-24-07 13:54pm
I am not going to bash you for mentioning
abortion dont worry. It is always an
option and I personally am pro choice. You
need to do what is best for you. If you
are emotionally and physicaly capable of
going thru this pregnancy and giving the
child up for adoption then your best route
would be to set that up early. There are
even times where they (company or parents)
will provide for your pregnancy if you are
to adopt out.
I wouldnt understand that his parents
would make him stop seeing you if they
were to find out, nor why as an adult he
wouldnt stand up to them. I see it more as
if you choose to keep the child that being
to gether-happily is the best route.
Feel free to IM me about anything you
need, questions, or even to vent.
Yes you are young and yes it is tough but
its reality and life. Either way you would
have to make a choice.. either to havethe
abortion or get into the doctors asap.
I had my first appt. at 6 weeks.
Good luck!
|
Reptar
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 389
Thanks: 44
Thanked:13
Posted: 10-24-07 14:06pm
His parents are paying for his university,
as mine are for mine. If they knew we got
pregnant they'd stop supporting him. Not
only that but I'd have to go back home to
my family doctor and to have a place to
stay. He lives right close by to the
university and can't afford to come move
to my hometown on his own without a high
paying job. I'd like to say my parents
could help, but my dad lost his job this
year and my mom has been on workers care
for the past two year because of a siatic
nerve in her back.
|
jessamyn
Moderator
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4116 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 10-24-07 14:11pm
grants, loans, and schloarships...simple..
payment plans, part time jobs, and odd
incomes.
|
MomToBeAgain
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 13 Location: Concord, North Carolina, USA
Posted: 10-26-07 07:30am
I couldn't personally have an abortion,
but I don't critisize people for having
them. It's a personal choice.
I got pregnant at 15 and placed my son
with an adoptive family. It's hard on you
emotionally, but if you know that it's
what you want to do, it's wonderful. My
son has a family that can support him and
give hime everything he'll ever want or
need. His parents couldn't have children,
but now they havet he child they've always
wanted.
I'm not sure where you live, but if you
decide to go through the adoption process
(or even if you don't) you can always
contact me. If you decide on adoption,
you'll need someone to help you through
it. A boyfriende, a friend, a parent, a
stranger, just someone.
Good luck with whatever choice you make!
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-26-07 16:15pm
I was in your almost exact situation. I
had an abortion, finished college, had a
great career, met my soul mate, got
married, and now I have a beautiful little
girl. I would do it all over again.
I just wanted to give you a different
perspective, only you can decide what is
right for you.
Best wishes.
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 10-26-07 17:03pm
Do what you heart is telling you. Don't
consider what other people say. You know
that the choice is yours. I'm pro-choice
myself and I know that you are in a very
hard situation. I'm a college student too
and an only child. I can only imagine how
much confusion and pain your in right
now.
I don't suggest that you have an abortion
if you are not 100% sure because you might
regret it. I could see that adoption is
the best way for you right now since you
are still in school and it could be very
hard for you and your bf. I would advice
you though to go to a planned parenthood
clinic and seek for pregnancy counseling.
I'm sure they can help you make up your
mind on what to do.
|
falafal4ever81
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 82
Posted: 10-30-07 00:42am
give it to me!!! kidding... sort of
my husband and i are waiting to have a
baby placed with us for adoption, and
being a prospective adoptive parent i can
tell you what a wonderful gift that baby
would be to ANYONE wanting to adopt. what
i suggest is going to an adoption agency
and get a consultation. the nice thing
about being a birth mother is you get 10
days after placing your baby for adoption
to change your mind and get your baby
back, at least where i live. plan for
adoption, but know you can always change
your mind. dont compromise your values for
embarrasment or whatever. you are the one
who has to live with your decisions the
rest of your life, you cant take back an
abortion. im prolife, but ultimately its
your choice.
check out some adoption websites, they
often post profiles of prospective
families in hopes that someone will find
them and bless them with a child. maybe
you will find a couple that you wouldnt
mind sharing your life with. many people
now are very open to the idea of open
adoption, you dont have to say good-bye to
your baby if you place it for adoption.
many people refer to the birth mother as a
tummy mommy, auntie, or whatever works for
them. you can still be apart of this
childs life while persuing your own. dont
be rash. let us know how everything works
out.
best of luck
|
falafal4ever81
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 82
Posted: 10-30-07 00:44am
by the way, placing a child with a family
that will worship it like a drooly little
god is never a mistake for the child,
especially if you enrich its life by
staying apart of it. remember, you call
the shots and you have the power.
|
jessamyn
Moderator
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4116 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 10-30-07 12:31pm
falafal4ever81
wrote:
by the way, placing a child
with a family that will worship it like a
drooly little god is never a
mistake.
haha i know this is serious but i love you
for that quote can i steal it?
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-30-07 20:17pm
You know, at first I was disgusted at the
thought of an adult trolling the teen
pregnancy forum trying to convince some
pregnant kid to give them their child when
it's born.
But then I thought, hey, why not???? It's
actually kind of ingenious.
|
falafal4ever81
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 82
Posted: 10-30-07 21:07pm
lol, im not just trolling looking for a
baby. my hubby and i are with an agency
already and we will be able to adopt as of
march (when our child is 1), i kindof
stumbled across this site. i had read a
horrible story online about an unwanted
baby being placed in a garbage bag and
tossed from the 18 floor of a building
when it was 1 hour old. it really
disturbed me, and had me scared for other
babies. i guess in the back of my mind i
feel that if one desperate mother sees
that there are people willing to help them
by taking a baby that they dont want
descretly then the world is that much
better of a place, and everyone involved
is in a better situation. im sure that if
alot of these girls had the opportunity to
hand their baby over to someone privatly
without any reprocussions and almost no
one ever knowing, many of these dumpster
babies would be alive today... giggling in
a loving parents arms... growing into a
wonderful little person, fufilling a
destiny of a greater value than being
discarded with less respect than a bag of
trash. i wouldnt even throw a bag of trash
off of the 18 floor.
sorry, i shouldnt be blabbing about this.
once again, im not a creep, im just trying
to help either verbally or by actions.
|
blondie_e
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Sep 2007 Posts: 159 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-07 23:28pm
nobody can tell you what to do only you
can decide. but if you need someone to
talk to you can PM me anytime =]
|
GrumpyBear2006
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2007 Posts: 18 Location: ,
Posted: 10-31-07 23:57pm
Ok. I'm sorry but I don't have any advice.
But I will say this. If you don't want the
baby I would gladly adopt it. LOL No,
seriously.
|
GrumpyBear2006
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2007 Posts: 18 Location: ,
Posted: 11-01-07 00:00am
I feel the same as falafal4ever81. Oh, by
the way I'm also not a creepy person
trolling for babies. I just want to help
the unwanted babies of the world find
happy homes where they will be loved
unconditionally.
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-01-07 15:43pm
Like I said, after I thought about it I
don't think there is anything wrong with
it.
If an adoptive parent can meet a teen with
an unwanted pregnancy on here, GO FOR IT!
I'd much rather have the adoption agency
and their lawyers cut out of the equation.
Give the tens of thousands of dollars
directly to the teenager, and get your
baby directly from her.
If a pregnant teen had a choice of
abortion OR adoption, where the adoptive
parents were going to pay for everything,
plus some, enough to pay for the teen's
college. maybe more teens would go that
route.
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-01-07 15:47pm
Agency and private adoptions can range
from $5,000 to $40,000 or more depending
on a variety of factors including services
provided, travel expenses, birthmother
expenses, requirements in the state, and
other factors. International adoptions can
range from $7,000 to $30,000.
|
falafal4ever81
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 82
Posted: 11-01-07 17:48pm
yeah, i cant believe some of these stupid
rules. if a prospective adoptive family
wants to give money to the woman who is
carrying their child it is thought of as
buying a baby rather than a gratuity or
helping out, where as when lawyers or
agencies take 30k its a service fee.
pfffft! whatever i tell you. i may not
have 20 thousand dollars laying around but
i would gladly use what i had to help out
the birth mother of my child IF she needed
it. and, seeing as how people here arnt
condemning me for my views than....
IF ANY ONE OUT THERE HAS A BABY THEY DO
NOT WANT IN THE ALBERTA AREA, CONTACT ME!
especially if the baby is a girl! we have
no girls in my family so we are very
excited to be able to adopt one, and its
not us that wants to wait until march, its
the legal stuff with public adoption. oh
well, good things are worth waiting for.
LOL No,
seriously.