My Boyfriend Has Genital Herpes (Page 1)

Even if there are no signs of an outbreak, you can still catch herpes.

If you keep yourself protected and don't have sex or skin-to-skin contact during the outbreaks, it is unlikely you will catch it.

Do you consider him as someone you would spend the rest of your life with?

I dont know if he is the one. I really like him, and the thought of breaking up with him because he has herpes seems silly, but this is my life, and the thought of having outbreaks forever really freaks me out. Also, if we do break up and he gives it to me, for the rest of my life I will have to have the herpes talk with guys I date. It is more of an emotional issue than anything. I just dont want to get it! Not sure I can have a healthy sex life with someone with herpes if I am always worried.

If you honestly care about this person and are willing to take the chance of contacting herpes as well, then I'd say find out everything you possibly could before you go on with the relationship. I believe wiht all my heart, if I'd met my husband and he'd told me about it, I'd be in your shoes and be very uncomfortable....not knowing or wanting to risk...........but in the end, I'd risk catching anything he had to offer, because I do love him that much. Is he taking Valtrex daily on a regular basis, whether he's had an outbreak or not? There are precautions you can take, just find out all hte info you can before making a decision. Good Luck!

You have to decide if the risk is worth taking or if you can trust your bf and yourself to do the right thing in the heat of the moment i strongly suggest not having skin on skin contact since like the others said you can get herpes even when there is no outbreak, i think it would be said to think you couldnt be with him just because he had herpes i would give him a hug and kiss just for letting you know that is really a big step for him and im sure he also fears ahving nobody!!

I know, he is a wonderful guy, and I know it took a lot of strength for him to tell me. I really care about him, but I care about me too. I am just going to put off sex until I feel comfortable if I ever do. I just dont want him to be self conscious or this to ruin our relationship.

If you aren't comfortable, your relationship is going to be ruined.

You can't just not tell him-that is basically giving him false security.

Just sit him down and talk about it. I doubt you are the first he's had this discussion with.

I am the first person he has had a relationship with since he got it. He knows I am worried, but not as worried as I am, so I am going to talk to him more about it. We have only been dating for a month though, so its hard to tell if he is the one. I know there are worse things in the world, but I dont want herpes for the rest of my life either.

It basically comes down to 2 risks. Either I risk giving up a wonderful guy that I could fall in love with and be happy with, or I risk getting herpes for the rest of my life and lose the guy in the end.

Thanks so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I am also worried about hurting him. I know he will be devastated if I end it because of this. Aren't the chances of me getting it like 5% if he uses a condom and takes valtrex?

I know it's low but there's still a chance.
I would make sure there's no outbreak, a condom, and medication

Would I know if I already had it? We had that close contact (will not get into detail) about 2 weeks ago. Are you on Valtrex and still get painful outbreaks often? Do they lessen overtime?

You wouldn't know if you had it, you'd have to get a test.

My suggestion is to go visit a gynocologist together and the three of you discuss your options and risks, if you're serious about this guy. You can stay protected, you can take medicine, but you still might get it.

The good news is, if you get it and you end up staying with him, so what? You're not gonna spread it to someone else, right? It's not like you'll die.

But you will need to be concerned about pregnancy, if the two of you ever had a baby you would need to be on special drugs for that too I think.

A blood test will tell you if you have it. Also herpes is passed on by skin to skin, not by intercourse or bodily fluids. So even with a condom you can still get it, because his pubic area is touching your pubic area. But the chances are very very slim.

Also I do not take daily drugs because of the side effects. I dryed up like a desert even when I was aroused. So I just deal with the outbreaks as they come. I take acyclovir when I feel one coming. Outbreaks happen when your immune system is down, like when you are sick or under a lot of stress. I have a lot of health issues so I get an outbreak at least once a month. But its my choice not to be on medication. I am sure the meds would help lesson my outbreaks. Some people have their first one and never have anymore, while others only have a couple a year.

Also pregnancy is not as dangerous as it seems. Yes your baby can become infected and there are serious problems. Like still birth, deafness and retardation. this scared the crap out of me. But trust me I have done so much research and as long as you do not have an outbreak during vaginal birth your baby WILL NOT GET IT. Your baby cannot get it through your blood either.

The doctor will test your vagina/birth canal for evidence of an outbreak. If there is none then you can have a normal birth and a completely healthy baby. if there is evidence of an active outbreak then you HAVE TO HAVE a c section. If a doctor tells you you have to have a c section then they are wrong. Also they usually start you on hepes medication right before labor, just to be careful.

I hope this clarifies some stuff for you. Herpes isnt such a bad thing.