Husband Has Been Behaving Very Strangely For 6 Months Or So. Posted: 10-23-07 14:07pm
Hi,
I need some help. My husband and I have
been married for 6 years, and have been
dating for much longer (since we were 14,
now we're 27). He's always been a
sensitive, wonderful man who I was so
happy to be married to.
Until about six months ago.
Then, he began acting very strangely. It
started when he got into a huge fight with
his mom (he had a very traumatic
childhood). After that, things started
going downhill for him.
In April of last year, he began having
difficulty sleeping. He'd wake me up in
the middle of the night and tell me he
just had so much on his mind, but not
really SAY anything. He also began having
terrible nightmares, about his friends and
family putting him in a coffin and
laughing and joking while they held him
inside.
It began getting worse. Next, he began
getting very paranoid. He'd accuse me of
leaving our windows open so a man could
come in... and do what, he didn't know.
Then, we went on a trip to another state
with his parents. We took their
motorcycle while they drove in the car
with our two small children. We hit a
major storm on the way home. My husband
told me he thought his father had planned
it, to kill us in the storm. When we got
into our car with our children later, he
told me our youngest daughter's babbling
was something his father had put into her,
that we didn't know WHAT she was saying,
it was evil.
He also became paranoid of everyday
things, like if I went out with a friend
for coffee, he would stay awake until I
got home (ususally late) and be terrified,
thinking I had met someone and ran off.
Then he couldn't sleep the rest of the
night.
WE had a terribly strange experience, in
which he made me lie in his sisters bed
with our daughters while he sang songs
over us and wouldn't let me up. THat one
scared me enough to begin worrying
something bigger than just fear was
wrong.
Things seemed to smooth over for a while,
until just recently. He isn't
experiencing hte extreme paranoia now, but
he's just angry with me. I have searched
my heart and soul and tried to figure out
what I'm doing wrong, but I don't see
anything. He tells me I dont understand
him and calls me names, like health forum
and dumb and blind. He talks about how I
don't understand the fabric of the
universe and reality and time, and that I
am an anchor to him and source of all
hatred in our marriage. We were perfectly
happy just a year ago! How is he so sad
and depressed and angry so suddenly? He
went into this funk about 4 days ago and
doesn't seem to be getting out of it.
What do you think, does schizophrenia do
this? Does it go away and come back? And
what do I do? He says it's all my
problem, that no one understands him, but
it's not his fault, it's everyone elses.
He also doesn't remember the bad things he
says and contributes it all to me.
I NEED HELP. I don't know what to do
now...
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Latisha27
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Oct 2007 Posts: 45
See a Therapist Posted: 10-23-07 14:22pm
I would recommend taking our husband to
the dr or you yourself could call or visit
the dr and tell them the situation if this
just started getting bad the sooner the
better!! it could be schizophrenia or just
a high stress level causing him to be
extremely paranoid!! GOOD LUCK
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Fairy Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1492 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 81
Thanked:116
Hi Posted: 10-23-07 14:31pm
I am so sorry yo uare having to deal with
this. You stated you'd been dating since
you were 14. In the 13 years you have
known him, this has never occured? ALl ofa
sudden this just came on? You mentioned he
had a traumatic childhood, but gave no
details, has he been abused asa child
verbally, mentally or physically? I do
agree with Latisha27, he needs
professional help, but getting him to
admit he needs help and goes for it is
another show.........If I were you, I'd
call the mental health department and go
to see them alone. Explain your husbands
bizarre behavior to them and be open for
suggestions. There is no way you can
continue in this relationship this way and
it only gets worse before it gets
better......HUGS>>>
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2701
Thanks: 6
Thanked:1
Posted: 10-23-07 14:47pm
My heart goes out to you. I cannot
imagine my relationship faling apart like
that. I am so sorry. I agree with the
advice above that he does need serious
professional intervention. I also agree
with Fairy Godmother (as usual, she is a
wondrous source of wisdom) that getting
him there will be quite difficult. It
could be schizophrenia, it could be
bipolar disorder, or a mental breakdown of
sorts. It is plain to see that these
issues are not routine typical
relationship issues.
Do you have any concern for your safety or
that of your children?
You indicated that he had a very traumatic
childhood, but how close are you to his
parents? Can you speak with them about
this without him knowing? Most hospitals
have a policy that if someone is acutely
delusional that you can have a 48 or 72
hour hold placed while their status is
being evaluated.
I am sending you positive vibes and I hope
you find answers soon, for all your sakes.
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concerned_wife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2007 Posts: 2
More Info Posted: 10-23-07 14:55pm
Thank you both for your kind replies.
Fairy*Godmother, yes, we've been together
for a loooong time, and no, he has NEVER
acted like this before. He's always been
a deep-thinker, reading Thoreau and Thomas
Mann, etc. WE've always enjoyed deep
conversations. His traumatic childhood
had to do with his father and sister - his
dad sexually molested his little sister
for years. His mom also had/has M.S. and
was often very sick. His mother was
emotionally/verbally abusive and his
father was physically abusive. He doesn't
remember much about the time of his
fathers arrest for the abuse - even though
he was about 10. His mom took his father
back and they went to very little
counseling. I don't know that he's ever
dealt with any of that.
I should add, my husband smoked a LOT of
marijuana up until just a few months ago.
In fact, the stuff began happening when he
stopped. He also took a lot of acid.
Could this be part of it? Still even
through all this, he never acted like
THIS.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1136 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 17
Thanked:7
Posted: 10-23-07 15:06pm
Drugs could have that side affects once
you come off them, mood swings, parania,
extreme depression, angry outburts. But I
have never heard of this extreme behavior
from only weed. This does happen though
from long term substance abuse like acid
or speed. but he would have to use
everyday for like years. This sounds more
than an emotional breakdown. He probably
has been so hurt by his childhood and not
smoking weed could have provoced those
feelings to come back. Or it could be
other reason. I think professional help
is your best answer, help him along the
way. Its good you are there to support
him. I hope he finds peace.
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Fairy Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1492 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 81
Thanked:116
Hi Posted: 10-23-07 19:20pm
I honestly do not believe the pot smoking
has anything ot do with his irrational
behavior. I believe its deeper than that.
His mother has MS and so the father took
his way with your husbands sister...sick
health questions.....how do you not know
he did not abuse your husband as well.
Maybe he has blocked these memories out
and something has triggered the hurt and
anger and he's taking it all out on the
ones he loves most. iI'm not saying
anything physical did happen, but I too
grew up in an emotional ,verbally &
physical abuse sitaution......I'm not
about to go balistic and start accussing
my spouse of having an affair, or
spying....the incident of you having to
lie in your sister in laws bed with your
children while he demanded you stay and he
chant/sing his little songs....thats
scarry girlfriend. That would do the trick
for me. He needs help now.......please
call a specialiset tomorrow and talk to
them. They will guide you in the right
direction. If he is not willing to seek
help, you do need to go somewhere that
you/children will be safe. Not trying to
scare you, just want yo uto face
reality.............this is not normal
behavior. I do believe he loves you and
the therapy would help him to realize his
behavior is something his own children do
not need to see. I think he would do what
it took once he faces reality to keep his
family together! Keep us posted! We are
always here for you!
