What is so conflicting?

You live with a great support system, and a 5 year old who will no doubt love to help mommy out.

IF you are pro-life, dear, then the reason ur having such a conflict is because of the pressure said boyfriend is putting on you.

GO with you heart.. He wont be the one that has to live with making a choice that ur heart is against.

U can PM me if you like.

~Sandra

Yes, my parents have been very supportive thus far but to be honest, I cannot even imagine having this baby without 100% support from my boyfriend. I've done it once and I refuse to do it again. His explanation is valid - He doesn't see either of us being financially or emotionally prepared to raise another child in the next nine months. I agree with him, but I still have it in my head that we can make it work. That's where the conflict is. And when the person you want to spend the rest of your life with has different beliefs than you, there is bound to be a conflict such as this. But I didn't choose to fall in love with him and I certainly don't regret building the relationship we have to date. There has to be some sort of resolution. I'm just looking for advice on how to acheive it.

What is best for my family? Do I put my beliefs aside for the wellbeing of my family or do I stick to my guns and risk struggling more than we already do? Or to put it in another slant... Do I allow my boyfriend to pressure me into something that threatens my emotional state so drastically or do I stand up for myself and this baby and risk not only our relationship but the amazing family we share and plans we had?

Remember, I have tried everything in my power to prevent unwanted pregnancy. As a "pro-lifer," I always said "unless under certain circumstances." Don't I fall under that category? Or am I just rationalizing?

I feel like I'm going crazy.

ANONYMOUS-

I have had 3 abortions, ALL due to BC failure.

I also became pregnant on an IUD, but still used one later and never had any pregnancies.

I really want you to know something.. NOTHING is 100% We are women, and sometimes we become pregnant when we truly do not want to be.

You have CHOICES, and I personally believe that abortion is not a bad choice, it is just as valid as adoption and parenting.

You have to do what is best for you and your family.

What if BC failed 5- 10 times... Can you honestly afford 10 kids?

Realistically, we live in a world that is not perfect, and our BIRTH CONTROL is definitely not perfect.

Do what is best for you and your family.

adoption maybe?

atleast it would be a happy medium.

Thank you for your advice. I just wish I could look into the future and see what it would be like with or without this baby. Part of me thinks it could really work for us, but part of me knows we need more time to settle.

The longer I sit here and think about the life inside me, the harder this is getting. I need to make this decision now.

Also, I am afraid of what life will be like after an abortion. I already have some resentment toward my boyfriend which I don't want and I'm also scared about future pregnancies now that I know there is no form of birth control I can trust. Can our relationship make it through this? Can I not lose focus in school or with my son because of the impact this will have on me emotionally?

I've thought about that and I know I wouldn't go through with an adoption. I feel like such a hypocrite... like some psychopath who thinks "If I can't have him/her, no one can." What's wrong with me?

Hun, to be honest, abortion does NOT sound like the right option for you. The only reason you're even considering it is because of an outside influence, and that is warning sign #1 to me that an abortion is not the right answer for you. Abortion needs to be YOUR choice from your heart. You have to know that you are making the best choice for your unborn child. If you're not set in your heart like that, then you're putting yourself in danger of some serious regret and depression afterwards.

You DO have a strong support system. Talk to your boyfriend again, and tell him your true feelings. Tell him how much you don't want to abort, tell him how you feel you can make it.

Nothing is wrong with you. You sound like a very caring woman who loves every pregnancy she's had. That's a perfectly normal way to feel. Some women are right for abortion and others are not. If you do not 100% want this abortion, then do not get it.

NOTHING at all is wrong with you my dear...

Adoption is a choice that not all women can make, just like abortion, it is sensitive, and each woman decides which one she prefers.

I know of women that have had 4-5 abortions, and they have 2-3 health children.

CONTRARY to what PL have been told, and I work in womens health, EARLY abortion DOES NOT affect fertility.

The only way abortion 'could' affect fertility is from a massive infection, which RARELY happens anymore thanks to antibiotics.

That is why "back alley" aboritons were known to cause infertility, NOT because of the abortion, but often because of the unsterile and unsafe environment.

I truly believe that if you're not sure that abortion is right for you, you will regret it if you have one. Take your time with this decision. Talk about your options with your boyfriend. Consider each of your options and spend some time just thinking on them. Definitely don't rush your decision.

We're here for you.

agreed.

if u are having so many doubts NOW imagine if you went thru with it against ur better judgement?

i think maybe discussing it with ur parents might also be a good idea since they'll be there for u the most.

hi. i am really sorry you are going through this right now. i can feel your anguish and i can see how much you are struggling with this. you can ask advice and opinions off other people but noone can make the decision but you. I have read your posts and i think you are an intelligent and sensitive person. i believe that whatever choice you make will the the right choice.

if you choose to keep the baby i am in no doubt that the second the baby is born you will not look back or regret your decision. but on the other hand, don't think for a minute that if you abort it was the 'selfish' choice. if that is what you choose to do then it will be because you are an adult making informed decisions, and it will be because you thought it was the best thing you could have done in your circumstances.

if it is of any consolation, just know that you are not alone. countless numbers of women have faced the same issue as you and had to feel the way you do. you are not alone. i dont know what to advise you to do because i am not you, and i don't know your circumstances, but i want you to know that whatever you do it does not make you a bad person.

Anonymous,

You need to ask yourself if you will be able to give your current child everything it needs on top of shelling out for a new baby. Would you risk neglecting your child for a second one? School probably dictates where much of your attention goes, so how much more of your limited attention will get taken away from your child and given to the new baby? If you have any - absolutely any doubts about having another baby, then you most likely should not have one. Your BF has already reached the conclusion that you probably will not be able to support a child financially or emtoionally (contrary to popular belief, babies DO need more than love to survive). Don't abort just to please him, but don't depend on him sticking around if you birth a child neither of you can handle. If you have your heart set on keeping this child, I suggest saving as much money as possible in the event he decides to move on to greener pastures and you need cash to fall back on.

All I can say is do what you think is right, but please try to think realistically - everything will not fall perfectly into place just because it's your baby, and God will not provide. And please do not think that abortion entails the slaughtering of a full-term sentient baby - that is a common misconception pro-lifers feed vulnerable women to coerce them into keeping unwanted babies.

I'm not trying to sway you to either side, but just offering some realistic non-religious-based input as unbiased as I can make it.

THAT'S uncalled for...

It is not very supportive at all, and it is not something that feminists should do.

There is nothing wrong with you. Reality is raining down on your parade. Your identity as a "pro-lifer" is being shattered, and that's a hard transition to make.

So you are not really pro-life. So what? You don't have to work yourself into a frenzy of talking yourself into feeling guilty. I think you absolutely want an abortion, and the only conflict is between your former identity as a pro-lifer and your new identity as one of the 50% of women who have had or will have an abortion sometime in their lifetime.

Not only will half of all women have an abortion, 61% of them are exactly like you in that they already have a child.

Now when you think of pro-choice women, and women who have had an abortion, you will realize they are EXACTLY like you. They are not promiscuous women.

Go get your education and keep your life on track. 90% of embryos never make it all the way to borth even without abortion. In those 90% of cases, women's bodies decide not to carry a pregnancy because of internal problems, now your brain, another part of your body, is telling you that external factors are not right for a pregnancy at this time.

Why is it ok for your body to eject a pregnancy for internal, health reasons, but not ok for your brain to eject one for external, financial reasons?

I'm sorry, but that is a very eye opening article.

It is very interesting that this topic has become so political.

I have made my decision. I took into consideration the advice from those who carefully read my first post. I thank those of you who took what I wrote literally and attempted to respond objectively.

I think I'm starting to realize why this has been such a difficult decision: I am the only person who knows myself and my beliefs, and therefore cannot rely on the opinions or advice of others.

And for the record, I love my boyfriend very much and we value eachothers feelings extremely. Please keep in mind that I just found out I was pregnant on Thursday and have gone through so many mixed emotions since that first post.

Again, thank you to all those who responded in a supportive manner. Many were very helpful in allowing me to feel confident in my decision.

-Anonymous

Fiona, that is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much.

My son is a he, not an it. I have taken my family into great consideration, because my family, not school, is my first priority. The major conflict has to do with my seeing a possibility that my boyfriend is wrong. My boyfriend would never abandon me or my child(ren). I am not naiive about this issue. I know the risks in making either decision.

I've just been questioning mine and my boyfriend's feelings because that is what mature adults do when faced with such important decisions.

Thank you for your response though.

So what did you decide Anon?

Or did I miss that bit..it's early here!