I've always known there's something wrong with me although I could never pinpoint what. Now I'm freaking out because I have a lot of Schitzophrenia symptoms and I have relatives that had it as bad as it gets.

The worst thing is dilutions or irrational fears. Since I was really little (I'm 16 now), I've had this problem. I couldn't leave home because I thought it would catch fire or my dog would somehow get lost. I couldn't stand to be home because I always thought a car would come crashing through the door. I suffer extreme insomnia, and when I do sleep, sometimes I wake up with serious bogus hallucinations and I am convinced my every action will cause the world to end. Then for a while I wouldn't let myself sleep because I feared I would get up in the middle of the night and kill somebody. Just last week I kept on feeling like my iPod was about to life up in midair and fly out the window and I knew it wasn't possible but the fear wouldn't go away.

I feel like I don't always have control over my mind, as if I can't make myself do something or not do something. I'll make a decision while somehow knowing I'm gonna do the opposite. For a long time, I used to be depressed severely and one time almost suicidal. I've never been social, I can't always form words to say what I'm thinking.

There have been times when I plot to push away everyone in my life, and I can never understand after-the-fact why I had to. I have a bad short-term memory. I sometimes forget what I'm doing as I'm doing it. My long-term memory however, is nearly photographic.

Another problem is that I feel like people are listening to my thoughts. (Once again, even though I know it's impossible). I think in other languages now because it feels more secure.

I don't know if I actually have this or if I'm freaking out about nothing too serious but I'm too embarrassed to admit to my family that I have these issues so I'm hoping I can get some guidance here.