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I Really Need Help

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i have been really strugling lately i know this sound stupid but there is a girl i love. we have been good friends for the past two years and go to school together as soon as i got to know her i fell in love i have had crushes in the past but nothing like this before. for about the past year she has been dating a guy and we were close friends talking at school and outside of it to she then broke up with him and our relationship started to become further apart talking less for a while but i think this was mostly down to me not knowing what to say to her and with the family troubles ive had made it hard for me to make conversation. we then started to get closer again but another guy took advantage of her recent break up and they have been dating scince and once again we have been talking less but when we are alone together we get along great, i cant tell her the way i feel because it would reck our relationship and i also feel like the guy she is seeing is playing her and is a real negative influence on her. i feel so strongly about her it has made me more depressed then i have ever been i constantly think of her and feel even worse when we dont talk now and have no motivation to do anything. there is only a week left of school and im afraid i wont see her again after and i really dont want to loose her as a friend and want to be with her. i could really use some advice because i dont know what to do, but i cant leave her
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replied October 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Rebound Relationships
Rebound relationships are very touchy. Due to the fact that the person that was jilted is usually just looking for someone to take the other persons place. Like dust in the wind. My advise to you would be, since there is still a chance she could get back with this original guy, I would put my feelings on hold for a bit and try to date others. You are spending to much time dwelling on this girl and it is bringing you down. You really need to try and focus on other things right now and let her come to you. And even if she does, just be aware that she is in a "Rebound" state of mind. This is not going to be easy for you I know that. But, you really have to try and not get depressed over this.

Carrie
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replied October 19th, 2007
thank you for the reply. she has told me she dosent want to get back together with the orignail guy thanks for the advice i would like to hear some more
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replied October 19th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
you need to tell her how you feel
dont let her slip away
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replied October 19th, 2007
but thats what makes it so hard i feel i cant just tell her because it will probly ruin our friendship because shes in a relationship at the moment even though i really want to tell her
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replied October 19th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
yeah but you need to make her see shes in an UNHEALTHY relationship
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replied October 19th, 2007
Experienced User
Ugh. It's not an easy thing to do, but you obviously have to tell her that the person she's dating is being a negative influence on her, then tell her she's changed(assuming she has) then just tell her how you feel and how you feel in love with the person she WAS, not the person she's becoming and if she's going to be with someone, it should be with someone who actually CARES for her.


You also have to tell me if you're not twisting the story to your advantage...AKA making the guy look bad when he really isnt...i know its kind of a strange thing to ask, but i'll need examples to judge that...
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replied October 20th, 2007
it could be like that because i have thought that about myself when thinking about it that he could be the best person for her, but he seems to be two faced from things she has told me even though it either dosent bother her or she dosent realise because she is only seeing what she wants to see in him just like i do in her. the other day they had an arguement and she couldnt stop shaking ive also noticed changes in her character.
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replied October 21st, 2007
Experienced User
Well...what sort of changes are we talking about...sometimes change is good.
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replied October 21st, 2007
she's started to drink more and i sore her have a smoke the other day i know this seems just like she is having fun but this is out of character for the good christian girl that i know she is and the fact she has been trying to get her friend to stop smoking and leaver her abusive boyfriend has just suprised me
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replied October 22nd, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Here's my advice-

be there for her now. Be her friend. If you're concerned about her relationship, tell her, but don't pressure her at all. Don't tell her about your feelings until she's single again, but once she is, man, go for it!!

She's with another guy now, and you have to accept that. Be there for her and make sure she's safe and happy. She has a boyfriend, she needs a friend. When she breaks up with him, you can swoop in to save her.

~Dr. Love (jk)
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replied October 22nd, 2007
Hey muy878

I have to say i think Georgia59 is right on this one you cant tell this girl how you feel she is in a relationship right now and the best thing you can do is be her friend and wait till she sees this guy for what he really is i no it's hard to sit back and wait

just think of the saying good things come to them who wait
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replied October 23rd, 2007
thanks for the advice jo_1982 and gorgeia59 i think i will take it thank you all so much for the help
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replied October 24th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
good luck buddy. Keep us updated.
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replied October 24th, 2007
Good luck if you ever need to chat you can pm me anytime
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replied October 25th, 2007
just finished school yesterday and cant help but feel that we are going to drit apart completly what can i do to keep her in my life if only as a friend
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replied October 25th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
muy878 wrote:
just finished school yesterday and cant help but feel that we are going to drit apart completly what can i do to keep her in my life if only as a friend


tell her that you feel like shes a very positive person in your life and that you would like for her to coninue to be there in your life

maybe see if you guys can hang out one weekend? or hang out sometime
offer to take her somewhere just for fun!!!
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replied October 26th, 2007
Hiya muy878

Do you live in the same area or close to each other? if so txt or ring her and ask her if she wants to hang out or think of something fun you can do together you should try and tell her your friendship means alot to you i no it's hard when your a guy trying to tell a girl about your feelings but it maybe worth it opening up
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